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  1. #31
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    ^Honesty is good. It's really the only way.


    Are you into Covenant as was discussed in another thread? It sounds like that might be a good fit for you.
    Ni/Ti/Fe/Si
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    The more one loves God, the more it is that having nothing in the world means everything, and the less one loves God, the more it is that having everything in the world means nothing.

    Do not resist an evil person, but to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer also the other. ~Matthew 5:39

    songofmary.wordpress.com


  2. #32
    Junior Member thegrayvapour's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nijntje View Post
    Okay, well, yay. I guess I shouldn’t question the motives of an INFP, but you know, some phrases just get my hackles up.

    I had the best reply all written out, then accidentally pressed the “back” button and lost the lot. MOTHERFUCKING BOLLOCKS.

    Anyway, I can totally understand falling for a friend, and I think that ideally your partner should be your best friend, a lot of time friendship boundaries and intimacies can be blurred when gender comes into play. Which is where things get tricky. I’ve had my share of crushes on friends and some of those have developed into something more, but it’s always happened pretty quickly and earlyish on in the friendship. Anything where a long term platonic base has been established has (in my experience) lead to a lopsided development of feelings (either on my behalf or theirs).

    Now, because I am a wimp, I never really act on the long term ones, preferring to keep the established friendship there and thinking about how sad it would be if there was a break up and I didn’t get to have one of my closest friends anymore (Yes I am a selfish cow, I’m happy to admit it).

    And sadly I have to admit, while there never has been any intention to slowly drop contact with friends who have professed feelings, where I haven’t had any it tends to happen anyway, everything is all fine for a month or two after and then it just, I don’t know dwindles off and away. Which is sad, and why I tend to keep my mouth shut about things like that.

    But yeah, it’s hard to tell where a girl’s head is at without talking to her about it.

    Anyway my TL;DR response is that falling for friends can be really hard and sucky. And sometimes there is no happy solution.
    When people question my motives, I'm all like "I already do that constantly." I get accused of acting nice for the wrong reasons all the time. People have a hard time believing I could just be nice. This is especially frustrating if they actually start attacking something I don't budge on, because I stop being nice and it scares us both.

    I'm glad you wrote more... twice. We share more than a few viewpoints and experiences.

    Thank you.

  3. #33
    Junior Member thegrayvapour's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Istbkleta View Post
    No, seriously. Humor me if you will.

    Explain to me what the friend zone is.

    I hear people talking about it but I don't get it.
    Apologies to @Nijntje ahead of time.

    The friend zone is a type of unrequited love. Its a platonic relationship where one person wishes to enter into a romantic relationship while the other does not.

    Bam. Friend zone.

  4. #34
    Warflower Nijntje's Avatar
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    Hahahaha! All good mang!

    Thankyou ^__^

    Terrible things happen to good people every day.
    Consequentially, I am not one of the good people.
    I am one of the terrible things.
    .



    Conclusion: Dinosaurs


  5. #35
    Junior Member thegrayvapour's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AphroditeGoneAwry View Post
    ^Honesty is good. It's really the only way.


    Are you into Covenant as was discussed in another thread? It sounds like that might be a good fit for you.
    Yes. Honesty; selfless, vulnerable, humble honesty.

    I know a little bit about it Covenant, and read through the thread quickly just now. I think commitment is under-rated and essential to the success of a relationship.

    The problem is, I'm an idealist.

    So I think all relationships should be committed. They aren't -
    so when you really want to show how committed you are, you enter a special legal contract called a marriage. It's like an official official relationship. It's a commitment that you can get out of if someone is unfaithful, or abusive, doesn't communicate, or becomes another person than they used to be. Which are the reasons almost EVERY relationship ends. This one costs money to get into and out of. They're pretty popular. I've been to a quite a few. My parents have had three each.

    I'm not against marriage.

    Covenant seems like a repackaging to me, unless I'm missing something. Maybe it's more difficult to get out of, hence means something more? With all of these failed relationships, marriages, covenants, promises.. having a committed "whatever" you have would be special enough for me.

    PS - I would also like to see every seat in an airplane be first class.

  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by thegrayvapour View Post
    Apologies to @Nijntje ahead of time.

    The friend zone is a type of unrequited love. Its a platonic relationship where one person wishes to enter into a romantic relationship while the other does not.

    Bam. Friend zone.
    So it's basically an euphemism for when one person wants sex but is turned down by the other.
    And the first person pretends they don't feel what they feel because they are hoping (against all odds) that "something" will happen?

  7. #37
    Junior Member thegrayvapour's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Istbkleta View Post
    So it's basically an euphemism for when one person wants sex but is turned down by the other.
    And the first person pretends they don't feel what they feel because they are hoping (against all odds) that "something" will happen?
    I think in most cases, yes, it's describing where one person wants sex and the other doesn't.

    I can't imagine soliciting a friend for sex, but it's probably implied by, "I have feelings for you."

    I feel so dirty.

  8. #38
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by thegrayvapour View Post
    Yes. Honesty; selfless, vulnerable, humble honesty.
    You forgot exposed and raw.

    I know a little bit about it Covenant, and read through the thread quickly just now. I think commitment is under-rated and essential to the success of a relationship.

    The problem is, I'm an idealist.

    So I think all relationships should be committed. They aren't -
    so when you really want to show how committed you are, you enter a special legal contract called a marriage. It's like an official official relationship. It's a commitment that you can get out of if someone is unfaithful, or abusive, doesn't communicate, or becomes another person than they used to be. Which are the reasons almost EVERY relationship ends. This one costs money to get into and out of. They're pretty popular. I've been to a quite a few. My parents have had three each.
    In Covenant, I believe only adultery and child abuse are grounds for divorce. So abusive, noncommunicative, or a fluid partner aren't really seen as legitimate reasons for divorce in a Covenant sanctioned union. I like it because I like taking the focus off dating and doing more courting, which leads to the inevitable marriage, if the courting relationship continues. Anyway, your desire to be friends seems more like courting and less like dating, which also seems more like Covenant and less like modern marriage.

    I'm not against marriage.

    Covenant seems like a repackaging to me, unless I'm missing something. Maybe it's more difficult to get out of, hence means something more? With all of these failed relationships, marriages, covenants, promises.. having a committed "whatever" you have would be special enough for me.
    I think it's about consciousness. Consciousness that you as a couple are more committed to the ups and downs of lifelong relationship, and that you look to God (and Jesus) to guide you through and to worship. Someone else mentioned breaking down of individual partners' egos and a regrowth of a couple-ego, which I loved. I think that really is what happens when you meet your soulmate or fall deeply in love with someone, or desire to remake your life from single to double. We are always trying to assert our independence in relationship to the point that we call any desire to be One--or to meld with our mate; or change our behaviors, desires, or goals--as 'codependent,' and any therapist you go to will try to push this point home. But what I believe it that a serious, committed relationship does change you, and that being codependent, within reason, is a very good thing, and the kind of relationship I desire.

    PS - I would also like to see every seat in an airplane be first class.
    But how many seats do you need?
    Ni/Ti/Fe/Si
    4w5 5w4 1w9
    ~Torah observant, Christ inspired~
    Life Path 11

    The more one loves God, the more it is that having nothing in the world means everything, and the less one loves God, the more it is that having everything in the world means nothing.

    Do not resist an evil person, but to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer also the other. ~Matthew 5:39

    songofmary.wordpress.com


  9. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by thegrayvapour View Post
    I think in most cases, yes, it's describing where one person wants sex and the other doesn't.

    I can't imagine soliciting a friend for sex, but it's probably implied by, "I have feelings for you."

    I feel so dirty.
    I am sorry you think sex with a friend is dirty.

    I don't know what could possibly lead you to this conclusion.

  10. #40
    Junior Member thegrayvapour's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Istbkleta View Post
    I am sorry you think sex with a friend is dirty.

    I don't know what could possibly lead you to this conclusion.
    I'mean it could be dirty...idk, maybe a shower before would be nice. And afterward, a snack?


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