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  1. #1
    Senior Member Ribonuke's Avatar
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    Default Helllllllp; how do you know if your friend's an INFP?

    I have one or two friends that, while we seem to agree on many things and respect each other, both of my friends seem intent on trying to 'pry me out of my shell'.

    I am an INFJ, so often times when they're warm and peppy and trying to get me to do something with them (I know for a fact that they're introverts, but they seemed to admire my 'genuine' nature and so they began trusting me enough to open all the way up, expecting me to do the same).

    Both my friends and I are very sensitive dreamers; we often like talking about various things and having interesting discussions. However, they seem to want to 'hang out' with me every chance they can get, and this is emotionally draining for me because we usually have some pretty deep discussions that often lead me wanting to withdraw and process the information for a while. They seem to have their feelings hurt whenever I don't want to do what they want every single second we talk to eachother, or when I have to cut my visits short because I get really tired.

    Do these people sound like they could be INFPs to you? If so, what do you recommend I do to help them understand how I feel without hurting their feelings? It's like...they feel like either I've failed them or that they've failed me, and all these absolutist give-and-take aspects of our friendships weigh FAR too much on my emotional sanity to bear much longer.

    What do you reccommend? (I want to keep them as friends, because I appreciate them and enjoy their companionship; but I wish they could just...argrhh, leave me alone sometimes)

    (DISCLAIMER: I am not passing any judgment on INFPs here; these are only two individuals I'm talking about.)

  2. #2
    Senior Member Joehobo's Avatar
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    It'd be a really shallow call for me to just say they are INFP's, especially since that you are describing two people as one.
    Though some of the things you've listed here can easily be INFP traits.
    MBTI aside, contemplate a tactful way to establish boundaries for yourself, and make these boundaries clear to them in a way that they won't feel like you are just criticizing them.
    Perhaps if you just be clear with them what you need as an individual, aswell as reminding them that your need for space is for that reason only, so they won't go away thinking that you are
    masking with vague reasons. Be straight with how you enjoy spending time with them and still wish to do so, but you need a little space afterwards because any energetic discussions drain you.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Ribonuke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Joehobo View Post
    It'd be a really shallow call for me to just say they are INFP's, especially since that you are describing two people as one.
    Though some of the things you've listed here can easily be INFP traits.
    MBTI aside, contemplate a tactful way to establish boundaries for yourself, and make these boundaries clear to them in a way that they won't feel like you are just criticizing them.
    Perhaps if you just be clear with them what you need as an individual, aswell as reminding them that your need for space is for that reason only, so they won't go away thinking that you are
    masking with vague reasons. Be straight with how you enjoy spending time with them and still wish to do so, but you need a little space afterwards because any energetic discussions drain you.
    Well, the reason I was explaining these individuals 'as one' was because I've seen very similar behavioral patterns when I interact with them, and the fact that I'm pretty sure they're INFx's at least (and that they aren't likely the same type as me, because I believe some of our disagreements and spats are the production of a fundamental difference in the way we perceive things, despite how similar we appear to each-other at first glance.)

    Thank you for the insight; the problem with me is that I have trouble establishing boundaries. Like, I can't say "I don't ever want to do this." because I DON'T know if I don't ever want to do this, and I also know they'll probably think I'm lying because they KNOW I would do this and would keep trying to coax me out of my shell.

    Any advice? =/

  4. #4
    Senior Member Joehobo's Avatar
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    Okay, well I'll trust your knowledge and lets go under the assumption that they do fit the mbti INFP type.
    It doesn't really help much either way though, and it is in my opinion mbti can be a little dangerous if you're trying to use it in a practical manner regarding sensitive issues.
    Being a Ji type, you definately will have a difference in perception, there Fi + Ne, and your Ni + Fe. I can't really give you much more advice than what I already said in my last post though.
    You really do just have to decide whether or not its worth the risk offending/potentially hurting them in making it clear you want boundaries, depending on how they take it is really
    upto the level of maturity they have, if they are understanding they'll get your need for space, it's easier said than done but I'm sure you understand what it means to be assertive.
    That's the kind of way you'll need to communicate with them, take responsibility for how you feel, and tell them in a non critical way how they contribute to that.
    You don't need to be absolute, just keep it in the present moment, let them know you're not really feeling in the mood because you need time to recharge those mental batteries.
    Time to mull over what you have discussed so that you can contribute more once you've processed all the information their crazy Ne's just fed you. They need to recognise that you are different and have your own needs which they need to respect.
    It's easier for me to just say this than tell you how to do it, but I hope you can piece together a suitable way to go about this.

  5. #5
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ribonuke View Post
    I have one or two friends that, while we seem to agree on many things and respect each other, both of my friends seem intent on trying to 'pry me out of my shell'.

    I am an INFJ, so often times when they're warm and peppy and trying to get me to do something with them (I know for a fact that they're introverts, but they seemed to admire my 'genuine' nature and so they began trusting me enough to open all the way up, expecting me to do the same).

    Both my friends and I are very sensitive dreamers; we often like talking about various things and having interesting discussions. However, they seem to want to 'hang out' with me every chance they can get, and this is emotionally draining for me because we usually have some pretty deep discussions that often lead me wanting to withdraw and process the information for a while. They seem to have their feelings hurt whenever I don't want to do what they want every single second we talk to eachother, or when I have to cut my visits short because I get really tired.

    Do these people sound like they could be INFPs to you? If so, what do you recommend I do to help them understand how I feel without hurting their feelings? It's like...they feel like either I've failed them or that they've failed me, and all these absolutist give-and-take aspects of our friendships weigh FAR too much on my emotional sanity to bear much longer.
    Nope. Not at all. They sound more like ENFPs. A least, I don't relate to any of this remotely, nor do the INFPs I've known strike me this way at all.

    How do you know for a "fact" they are introverts? Everything you've said here supports extroversion.

    I can't give advice on a behavior or attitude from an INFP perspective, because this doesn't sound INFP. My advice ,from someone who has been in YOUR position, is to just be honest. Tell you them you need a lot of alone time, time to process what has been discussed, etc. Let them know it's not personal & you still enjoy their company.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  6. #6
    Senior Member Joehobo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Nope. Not at all. They sound more like ENFPs. A least, I don't relate to any of this remotely, nor do the INFPs I've known strike me this way at all.

    How do you know for a "fact" they are introverts? Everything you've said here supports extroversion.

    I can't give advice on a behavior or attitude from an INFP perspective, because this doesn't sound INFP. My advice ,from someone who has been in YOUR position, is to just be honest. Tell you them you need a lot of alone time, time to process what has been discussed, etc. Let them know it's not personal & you still enjoy their company.
    This made me question my type almost, but after a little thinking, I'm pretty sure i'm still INFP. I relate to alot of what his said already. And personally I would be a little hurt if a very close friend of mine told me they needed space (half because I didn't realise I was even intruding, although I wouldn't want to spend much time with someone I didn't feel VERY comfortable with.) I relate to alot of the behaviour his mentioned.
    Also considering they are probably in their early twenties I'd say.
    Then again though I do score very highly on extraversion.
    So I can't argue against, just adding an extra point of view.

  7. #7
    actinomycetes raindancing's Avatar
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    Just another INFP here to say she can't imagine ever ever ever trying to pry someone out of their shell.
    I see discovering another person as a gentle dance that should require no weapons like hammers or crowbars. If the other person isn't interested then you can be sure as hell I'm not.
    “Can a man of perception respect himself at all?”
    ― Fyodor Dostoyevsky

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Nope. Not at all. They sound more like ENFPs. A least, I don't relate to any of this remotely, nor do the INFPs I've known strike me this way at all.
    I agree. They're most likely ENFPs.

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