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  1. #421
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lulabelle View Post
    hmm... i can maybe see some INFP enneagram 9s with ESTJs (and even then i seem to hear of far more failed/failing INFP-ESTJ marriages than successful ones) but i need someone with strong iNtuition... i just don't know what to talk about with the ESTJs i know :/. it's boring. they don't appreciate what i appreciate. there's no common ground. there's no deeper understanding and appreciation of my 'weird' ideas, absurd humor and visions. also, i'm very introverted + honestly i don't think i could handle dating an extrovert
    My ESTJ husband does love my weirdness lol, just mentioned that yesterday to me ... doesn't always understand it, but I don't think that's necessary for appreciation. Tomorrow is our 26th wedding anniversary! What's kind of neat to me as we get older together is seeing his Ne grow; as his tertiary function it seems to really be expanding more and more. He's even come up with a couple of very clever inventions. He has nearly zero creativity to market them, mind you, but very clever. That reminds me I should source out some manufacturers, do some market research and possibly get a kickstarter going, plus a site that I could umbrella under my corporation. Could work out!
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

  2. #422
    Senior Member lulabelle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    My ESTJ husband does love my weirdness lol, just mentioned that yesterday to me ... doesn't always understand it, but I don't think that's necessary for appreciation. Tomorrow is our 26th wedding anniversary! What's kind of neat to me as we get older together is seeing his Ne grow; as his tertiary function it seems to really be expanding more and more. He's even come up with a couple of very clever inventions. He has nearly zero creativity to market them, mind you, but very clever. That reminds me I should source out some manufacturers, do some market research and possibly get a kickstarter going, plus a site that I could umbrella under my corporation. Could work out!
    that's awesome! yeah, i didn't mean to bash ESTJs there... i do think enneagram plays into this type compatibility because i've never heard of a INFP enneagram 4w5 with an ESTJ... it's always the 9s or some other kind of INFP. i think 4w5s maybe need more of a creative idea buddy or someone to really understand that artistic weirdness/iNtuitive drive completely and 9s crave more of stable harmonious union

  3. #423
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lulabelle View Post
    that's awesome! yeah, i didn't mean to bash ESTJs there... i do think enneagram plays into this type compatibility because i've never heard of an INFP enneagram 4w5 involved with an ESTJ... they're always the 9s or some other kind of INFP
    Ya, maybe.
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

  4. #424
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lulabelle View Post
    that's awesome! yeah, i didn't mean to bash ESTJs there... i do think enneagram plays into this type compatibility because i've never heard of a INFP enneagram 4w5 with an ESTJ... it's always the 9s or some other kind of INFP. i think 4w5s maybe need more of a creative idea buddy or someone to really understand that artistic weirdness/iNtuitive drive completely and 9s crave more of stable harmonious union
    My INFP e9 friend is "quirky weird" - it's in a cute and charming way. She's creative and arty, etc, but she doesn't disturb people. 4w5 style of weird can feel disruptive, and it can make people uncomfortable. Out of concern for others, I withhold, because I don't desire to make them uncomfortable. The ideal partner can handle it though.

    I think it could be hard is for someone who is so very "normal" and who meets society's ideals of "well-adjusted" (ie. ESTJ) to feel suited to someone who is more of a misfit; I think admiration and appreciation from a distance is more likely than valuing it in a partner. It seems like these people prefer someone with better social graces & who grasps propriety. INFP e9s are more likely to have the gift of being quirky and possessing greater social grace.

    It's nice to hear an INFP feels appreciated by an ESTJ, even if not necessarily understood, and I would say that appreciation is more important to be than understanding. However, I too have never even heard of a 4 INFP with an ESTJ.

    I think ENTJ is still on the table, although observing many online gives me doubt, but that's given they are even typed correctly.

    I personally do like extroverts, sooo....
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  5. #425
    Senior Member senza tema's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lulabelle View Post
    hmm... i can maybe see some INFP enneagram 9s with ESTJs (and even then i seem to hear of far more failed/failing INFP-ESTJ marriages than successful ones) but i need someone with strong iNtuition... i just don't know what to talk about with the ESTJs i know :/. it's boring. they don't appreciate what i appreciate. there's no common ground. there's no deeper understanding and appreciation of my 'weird' ideas, absurd humor and visions. also, i'm very introverted + honestly i don't think i could handle dating an extrovert
    I was Te allergic in my younger days. And would react really poorly to ESTJ steamrolling when I felt it was infringing on my own space and feelings and personhood. Which it did. I cannot think of a single Fi dom who will take kindly to someone bulldozing that sacred ground. That said ... I grew up with an ESTJ mom and in a single parent/only child dynamic at that ... and actually had a great childhood, because no matter what our differences on the surface (and they are vast), we have many, many similar values, a similar outlook on life, similar expectations of people not to be jerks and assholes to each other, etc.

    I won't lie, it was very difficult sometimes to deal with the fact that my mom wanted to organize the whole world - which included organizing me :[ - but honestly, I did need help scheduling effectively and keeping spaces neat and getting places on time and learning to put work before play at least some of the time - and in turn, I got her to lighten up about a lot of things, learn to appreciate her own need for alone time and space (which she apparently wasn't aware she needed), pointed out people who were trustworthy and who weren't (she has had a lot of really shitty coworkers whose intellect and wit she's been taken in by but who are actually kinda crappy people ... and I have good people instincts, on the whole). So our strengths are really wholly unfamiliar to each other and that is awkward and difficult at first but they do have the potential to be incredibly mutually beneficial.

    Most of my closest friends have also been TJs, often of the extroverted variety (and a handful of ExFPs, too). My two best friends are ESTJ and ENTJ. One of my longest relationships was with an ENTJ as well, albeit an ENTJ with depression and anxiety ... but still, I have never loved a person as much as I loved that guy or had as much chemistry and mutual understanding with anyone else ... until it was gone. The problems were partly type related ... but there were equally type related solutions to the situation but things were too far gone by then.
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  6. #426
    Senior Member senza tema's Avatar
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    Oh, and regarding the preference for iNtuition in a mate ... I am not 100% sure I'm an N though I think I it's highly probable I am ... I personally have never had problems discussing things that interest me like art and literature and films and music with the people I'm close to, regardless of the N/S divide because I feel those things are universal enough to cross it, especially when there's already a mutual connection and receptivity to each other.

    Like, my ESTJ bff is very wary about things like astrology and tarot and ESP and other "supernatural" phenomena but she also thinks that it's a part of me that makes me unusual and interesting and will occasionally ask for a reading or something. Similarly, my mom thinks stuff like MBTI is a waste of time, but she does appreciate my people insights. I think once I learned to be less sensitive about what people think of my interests, life got a lot easier. If I can share them, great. If not, so much the better, because they're all mine and I can gorge on them all by myself in peace and quiet.

    Speaking up for Sensing, I deal poorly with people who won't live in the moment or take time to smell the flowers and appreciate it because that stuff is really important to me. I used to get mad at my ENTJ ex for constantly fidgeting, being distant, tapping at his phone, cooking up unrelated plans at the exact same time when we were actually doing something fun like watching a street performance or out at the beach (granted, he was also a 7 who wanted it all, all the time and was constantly afraid of missing the boat ...) Anyway, there's so much beauty and color and excitement in the world and it really hurts me feelings when the people I love aren't present to that. I like good food (and cooking) and beautiful places and new experiences and it's very important to me to share that with a mate. And I'm getting to the age (god, I sound like a grandma) where impractical people who are incapable of taking care of themselves and lack basic life skills kinda make me roll my eyes.

  7. #427
    Senior Member lulabelle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arcana View Post
    Oh, and regarding the preference for iNtuition in a mate ... I am not 100% sure I'm an N though I think I it's highly probable I am ... I personally have never had problems discussing things that interest me like art and literature and films and music with the people I'm close to, regardless of the N/S divide because I feel those things are universal enough to cross it, especially when there's already a mutual connection and receptivity to each other.

    Like, my ESTJ bff is very wary about things like astrology and tarot and ESP and other "supernatural" phenomena but she also thinks that it's a part of me that makes me unusual and interesting and will occasionally ask for a reading or something. Similarly, my mom thinks stuff like MBTI is a waste of time, but she does appreciate my people insights. I think once I learned to be less sensitive about what people think of my interests, life got a lot easier. If I can share them, great. If not, so much the better, because they're all mine and I can gorge on them all by myself in peace and quiet.

    Speaking up for Sensing, I deal poorly with people who won't live in the moment or take time to smell the flowers and appreciate it because that stuff is really important to me. I used to get mad at my ENTJ ex for constantly fidgeting, being distant, tapping at his phone, cooking up unrelated plans at the exact same time when we were actually doing something fun like watching a street performance or out at the beach (granted, he was also a 7 who wanted it all, all the time and was constantly afraid of missing the boat ...) Anyway, there's so much beauty and color and excitement in the world and it really hurts me feelings when the people I love aren't present to that. I like good food (and cooking) and beautiful places and new experiences and it's very important to me to share that with a mate. And I'm getting to the age (god, I sound like a grandma) where impractical people who are incapable of taking care of themselves and lack basic life skills kinda make me roll my eyes.
    you remind me a lot of my ISFP friend in that last paragraph there... she's much more into the sensation of consuming delicious food, beautiful colors, shared experiences. she is so good at appreciating the moment before it passes; i have a lot to learn from her.

  8. #428
    Senior Member senza tema's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lulabelle View Post
    you remind me a lot of my ISFP friend in that last paragraph there... she's much more into the sensation of consuming delicious food, beautiful colors, shared experiences. she is so good at appreciating the moment before it passes; i have a lot to learn from her.
    Mmhmm. ISFP, is definitely in my top three self-typing choices ... but I think I have less Se and more Ni than the average ISFP, so it doesn't fit perfectly. I do identify with Ni/Se cognition more than Ne/Si.

    But I do think many INFPs have very distinctive aesthetic tastes and developed personal styles that are important to who they are and that they start prioritizing physical relaxation as they grow older.

  9. #429
    Senior Member lulabelle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    My INFP e9 friend is "quirky weird" - it's in a cute and charming way. She's creative and arty, etc, but she doesn't disturb people. 4w5 style of weird can feel disruptive, and it can make people uncomfortable. Out of concern for others, I withhold, because I don't desire to make them uncomfortable. The ideal partner can handle it though.

    I think it could be hard is for someone who is so very "normal" and who meets society's ideals of "well-adjusted" (ie. ESTJ) to feel suited to someone who is more of a misfit; I think admiration and appreciation from a distance is more likely than valuing it in a partner. It seems like these people prefer someone with better social graces & who grasps propriety. INFP e9s are more likely to have the gift of being quirky and possessing greater social grace.

    It's nice to hear an INFP feels appreciated by an ESTJ, even if not necessarily understood, and I would say that appreciation is more important to be than understanding. However, I too have never even heard of a 4 INFP with an ESTJ.

    I think ENTJ is still on the table, although observing many online gives me doubt, but that's given they are even typed correctly.

    I personally do like extroverts, sooo....
    yes, perfectly said. i have these moments of wanting to be completely absurd + puncture + scramble the tense energy in the room + play with everyone's perceptions of me.

    the only trend i've witnessed for INFP 4w5 partnership is INTJs. i think they provide a certain stability + usually can emphasize with that 'misfit' tortured thing to a degree. i've actually never heard of an INFP 4w5-ENTJ partnership; i imagine it CAN work but it'd have to be a less traditional ENTJ... the ones i've met have been sorta ESTJ-ish in values + lifestyle. this is obviously a vast generalization/probably wrong but i feel like most want either a housewife or a very conventionally ambitious mate. also, i DO like extroverts (if they aren't crazy extroverted) but i am insanely introverted so i just feel like it probably would be too much struggle

  10. #430
    Senior Member lulabelle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arcana View Post
    Mmhmm. ISFP, is definitely in my top three self-typing choices ... but I think I have less Se and more Ni than the average ISFP, so it doesn't fit perfectly. I do identify with Ni/Se cognition more than Ne/Si.

    But I do think many INFPs have very distinctive aesthetic tastes and developed personal styles that are important to who they are and that they start prioritizing physical relaxation as they grow older.
    i definitely do have a certain aesthetic taste + appreciate physical beauty but it often is more about the concept/memory/feelingz mix behind it all... it's not really about being present with the beautiful thing for me. i mean, it's a combination but my ISFP friend seems to appreciate physical beauty as it is, right in front of her. like, the colors themselves are super energizing. the sand between her toes is the sand between her toes and it's energizing. she likes to touch people, even those she isn't close to, because she needs that physical sensation. she's much more about the physical thing, the physical presence.

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