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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    I did notice. I have no reason to develop expertise in something I neither need nor enjoy. I don't need to flirt to indicate interest. Interrogation has served that purpose admirably.
    You're sp/so, right?

  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    Let me help you ...
    Oh shit...haha. I totally did that on purpose...as in I wasn't really calling those people to the thread. BUT if I was actually calling INTJs to the thread...those are the INTJs I would call. Oh...and Oaky...highlander and uumlau... but not Haight. No...probably not Haight...haha.

    (edit: okay. I thought about it and I would call Haight to a thread where I was calling INTJs).

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zarathustra View Post
    What?

    Seriously, though, I'm not man. I was responding to your statement that INFPs were "a pain in the ass" and "ENFPs it is." I think ENFP is a good match for an INTJ, but I was just saying ENFPs have an equal number of drawbacks, and INFPs have an equal number of points in the plus column, and to not rule INFPs out... because I think those two types are fabulous for each other. I want equal rights to that sweet INTJ candy for all INFPs.

    For this cause, I fight.

  4. #34
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zarathustra View Post
    You're sp/so, right?
    No, more likely sp/sx. The link you sent me awhile back was the only one where sp/so was a decent fit, but the sp/sx was just as good.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  5. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    No, more likely sp/sx. The link you sent me awhile back was the only one where sp/so was a decent fit, but the sp/sx was just as good.
    You:

    Enneagram 5 - Self-pres/Sexual

    This subtype, like the self-pres/social, is more typical of the depictions of type Five. The self-preservational instinct accentuates the self-contained, withdrawing tendencies of the Five. Fives of this subtype love their time alone with a passion, and pursue it more actively even than the other subtype of self-pres Five, although with the sexual instinct second, they often want to find time for intimates as well. On the down side, they have more disdain for people and little use for the social aspects of life. They want to be left alone or they want to share their inner world with their intimates. The intensity of the sexual instinct is reserved for their intimates and even there it is sporadic. The self-pres energy gives this subtype a solid foundation and some degree of practicality.

    These Fives are conflicted when it comes to experiencing and expressing emotions. They usually default to emotional repression and to detached intellectual analysis. This is a dynamic common to all Fives, but with the self-pres/sexual instinctual stacking, the balance of these forces is pretty precarious and it seems as though the scales are being constantly adjusted one way or another. As the social instinct is the least developed, the social arena gets the drier more intellectual approach almost by default.
    Me:

    Enneagram 6 - Sexual/Social

    The counterphobic stance of the sexual Six can be seen in competition for attracting the right mate, and in testing to see who is worthy of trust. This is true of both sexual subtypes and especially true of the sexual/social. This type is likely to be found quite commonly among actresses and actors as they tend towards a dramatic presentation. Their need to be identified with their desirability and their strong social instinct, combine to sometimes make them public figures. They are less possessive of their mates, but still feel the need to have control in the relationship. They can have a very focused intensity. They can appear Four-like in their desire to express themselves and give into their passions. They define themselves in accordance with the prevailing gender norms opting to appear masculine or feminine as the case may be. This outward energy is sometimes counterbalanced with inward doubting, which can lead to depression, anger, and acting out, at the lower levels of health.

    Anxiety isn’t as noticeable with the sexual variant of type Six, especially when the self-pres instinct is last. The typical things we associate with anxiety aren’t obvious with this subtype. Their anxiety is focused in the arena of relationships, and since their stance is mostly counterphobic, anxiety is not always obvious, and the Six too might be unaware of its presence. This can be true of all the subtypes of type Six. Their anxiety exists at a core level so that Sixes don't always know how to gauge its existence. So, even the more visibly anxious subtypes might not be aware of their underlying anxiety. The sexual/social can appear Eight-like, in their defense of their loved ones and social standing.
    I really do think enneagram type, and especially the instinctual variants, go an extremely long way in describing intratype differences.

  6. #36
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mia. View Post
    With INFPs you pay up front. It’s true. Once we become truly comfortable, the hardest work is done. At that point, we will continually seek to deepen, cement and nurture the relationship. Every relationship has it’s problems, but it gets smoother from there usually in terms of type dynamics. We are looking for stable relationships (obviously enneagram is going to affect it), and have more staying power and levels than ENFPs in general, all while providing such complimentary services as wild imagination and obscene amounts of snuggling. The ENFP feeding frenzy will end as soon as something more shiny swims by, and you pay later when the warm fuzzies wear off and their distractibility kicks back in.
    Quote Originally Posted by Zarathustra View Post
    INFPs?
    I suppose it has a lot to do with what values I have embedded as an INFP. And enneagram type.

    It is likely true I have very, very high expectations that must be met in order to get close to me romantically, but once those have been met, you're solid. At least, that's the way things have been for me.

    The reward to jump through all of the initial PB hoops is the receipt of all of my affection, devotion, support, hugs, lovin' and a whole whack of other perks. Hopefully my partner feels getting close to me was worth all that and continues to be so after all of these years.



    I am, however, not an INTJ fan when it comes to these matters. Too much like sand to me. And a shiny new ENFP comes along, what's to say that a perspective shift doesn't shift me right out along with it, especially after I have given and continue to give 110%. It's really about that combination of type and getting older and biology and the drives that push us as people. How will a person withstand those forces? Only those with super-developed value systems that they hold themselves to. No doubt an INTJ could just as easily be that person (and I have met one that I think could be that way.)

    Just ... INTJ's are scarier to me. I've said it before. No need to reiterate. I do really enjoy them as friends and colleagues though. I just don't feel very safe imagining loving one. Maybe that feeling would be good for me? Who can say?

    Edit: not saying that INTJ's don't have integrity or anything like that. It's just that you all feel more ephemeral than solid to me, and I enjoy solid.
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

  7. #37
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    For Zara:

    Quote Originally Posted by senza_tema View Post
    @Zarathustra
    I concur with @mia_infp. INFPs want a security deposit, they want it up front, and it's not a small deposit either. This is probably somewhat off-putting for prospective mates since they don't really know what they're getting into, but I don't like committing unless I'm sure I want to and that my efforts will pay off. Once that's out of the way, my emotional reserves and I are at my SO's disposal for the long haul, with a lifetime supply of cuddles for good measure.

    No comment on ENFPs. I would probably tend to agree with mia once again, having been at the object of an ENFP's intense and intensely temporary affections on more than one occasion, but my experience isn't extensive enough to make any sort of definitive statement. I will say that Ne-dominance makes for an openness and eagerness to play and explore and experiment that I just don't have and don't always like either, for that matter. Exploring my options is fun, but picking what I like best, going after it and getting it is even better. At most times, if not all, I'm driven by a strong sense that not all options and ideas are created equal, and it frustrates me when N-doms treat them as though they are for extended periods of time, even though it seems obvious to me that one choice is superior to the others. And, in all fairness, my own unwillingness to budge or consider further options beyond a point is probably as unattractive to them as their willingness to hypothesize without implementing is to me.

    The other thing: ENFPs enjoy mind games in a way that I just don't. I like to know how people's minds work and what makes them tick, but I'm not prepared to poke and prod at every unknown button on the board for the sole purpose of finding out. My sense of curiosity, while healthy enough, is just not developed to that extent.
    I agree with the lovely @senza_tema's post here quite a bit.

    I think INFP + INTJ is a GREAT combination. The problem is which of the IN's is going to make the first move? I always am concerned I am bothering the INTJ because I want to know moar and moar, etc... so I am initially hesitant to chat too much with them lest I wear out my welcome.

    With my INTJ ex, I was the one who made all of the first moves. We had been friends for years but I had dated a friend of his and we never really spent any time alone together. Then one night we did some IMing by sheer chance and realized that we really clicked. I started hanging out with him more and we would do painting together and watch movies. Finally one night I couldn't stand it anymore and I blurted out, You know I like you right?! And he looked at me and said, Let's go for a drive and look at the stars. So we did and held hands and sat in silence for a few hours. Best date ever.

    I agree on what senza saying about being reserved first. I am 100% that way in the beginning. I need to scope out the territory and make sure it's safe for me to be emotional and fall in love, etc. Once I affirm that it's all clear, then I am super Fi snuggly girl. Until then, though, I have to be cautious.

    Last edited by Anew Leaf; 05-25-2012 at 03:18 PM.

  8. #38
    yap yap yap xenaprincess's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    With my INTJ ex, I was the one who made all of the first moves. We had been friends for years but I had dated a friend of his and we never really spent any time alone together. Then one night we did some IMing by sheer chance and realized that we really clicked. I started hanging out with him more and we would do painting together and watch movies. Finally one night I couldn't stand it anymore and I blurted out, You know I like you right?! And he looked at me and said, Let's go for a drive and look at the stars. So we did and held hands and sat in silence for a few hours. Best date ever.
    aw...that's really sweet!!!

  9. #39
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    I am, however, not an INTJ fan when it comes to these matters. Too much like sand to me. And a shiny new ENFP comes along, what's to say that a perspective shift doesn't shift me right out along with it, especially after I have given and continue to give 110%. It's really about that combination of type and getting older and biology and the drives that push us as people. How will a person withstand those forces? Only those with super-developed value systems that they hold themselves to. No doubt an INTJ could just as easily be that person (and I have met one that I think could be that way.)

    Just ... INTJ's are scarier to me. I've said it before. No need to reiterate. I do really enjoy them as friends and colleagues though. I just don't feel very safe imagining loving one. Maybe that feeling would be good for me? Who can say?

    Edit: not saying that INTJ's don't have integrity or anything like that. It's just that you all feel more ephemeral than solid to me, and I enjoy solid.
    My immediate response is to wonder how anyone could ever see us as ephemeral, but perhaps this is just the impression dom-Ni gives. Have you known INTJs who display the kind of fickleness in relationships that you describe? I did my best to scare away my INTP when we were first getting to know each other, but it's been many years now, and I can't imagine being enticed away by anyone else. It is a matter of commitment and integrity, but also of simple reality.

    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    With my INTJ ex, I was the one who made all of the first moves. We had been friends for years but I had dated a friend of his and we never really spent any time alone together. Then one night we did some IMing by sheer chance and realized that we really clicked. I started hanging out with him more and we would do painting together and watch movies. Finally one night I couldn't stand it anymore and I blurted out, You know I like you right?! And he looked at me and said, Let's go for a drive and look at the stars. So we did and held hands and sat in silence for a few hours. Best date ever.
    Sounds like some of my dates with my INTP. With INTJ and INTP, it's probably amazing that either of us made a first move.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  10. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    My immediate response is to wonder how anyone could ever see us as ephemeral, but perhaps this is just the impression dom-Ni gives. Have you known INTJs who display the kind of fickleness in relationships that you describe? I did my best to scare away my INTP when we were first getting to know each other, but it's been many years now, and I can't imagine being enticed away by anyone else. It is a matter of commitment and integrity, but also of simple reality.
    It's her issues with trickster Se/critical parent Ni.

    But it's not completely unfounded, imo.

    Si is more stable than Ni.

    Last edited by Zarathustra; 05-25-2012 at 01:39 PM.

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