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  1. #11
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    *Bolts out of the room, hides in the vast reaches of the forest*

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by CreativeCait View Post
    Lol, what the heck is a duddy dud??
    http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/dud

    I was just playing the a game...

    Quote Originally Posted by CreativeCait View Post
    Personally, I detest playing 'the game'. So un-original. So cliche. Far to conventional. Unless it entails playful fun 'in the moment'. I think a lot of the 'rules' of 'the game' and things people do in 'the game' are stupid. I wouldn't be caught dead playing by them. I like to do my own thing and dis-regard the 'plans' of others. I follow my inner voice, not societal conventions. So I never really bothered to learn 'the game' and play it out in any meanigful way...maybe this is not such a good thing??
    When I said "play the game", I wasn't saying all the men had to act like Bill Bellamy, and all the ladies had to act like tricks and hos. It is not a societally-defined game that must be played. But it is a game. When you know how to play it, it's actually fun. Believe it or not, it's probably, to a large extent, written into our DNA (neither of our types tend to be very good at it, tho), and even your fellow INFP Mr. Shakespeare wrote a play in which the female protagonist had to learn to let down her bitch (clueless?) shield and play it.

    Playing the game is not being inauthentic. Playing the game is learning how to flirt with a potential person of interest.

    Quote Originally Posted by CreativeCait View Post
    As far as what we're thinking....often we don't even know what we're thinking. How the hell am I supposed to translate that externally to someone else 'in the moment'?? It helps if someone is willing to help me work through my thoughts with them. Cue patience, listening and asking the right questions while alowing down time to formulate answers.
    It's cool.

    I'll just go flirt with an ENFP instead.

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  3. #13
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zarathustra View Post
    When I said "play the game", I wasn't saying all the men had to act like Bill Bellamy, and all the ladies had to act like tricks and hos. It is not a societally defined game that must be played. But it is a game. When you know how to play it, it's actually fun. Believe it or not, it's probably, to a large extent, written into our DNA (neither of our types tend to be very good at it, tho), and even your fellow INFP Mr. Shakespeare wrote a play in which the female protagonist had to learn to let down her bitch (clueless?) shield and play it.

    Playing the game is not being inauthentic. Playing the game is learning how to flirt with a potential person of interest.
    Fun? I think not. Fight or flight tendencies are wired into our DNA, too, but I don't have to let them dictate my actions. Perhaps I am just lucky that I did not need this falderal to connect with my SO.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    Fun? I think not. Fight or flight tendencies are wired into our DNA, too, but I don't have to let them dictate my actions. Perhaps I am just lucky that I did not need this falderal to connect with my SO.
    Well, if you look closely, you'll notice the qualifier.

  5. #15
    Member CreativeCait's Avatar
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    He he he...have fun with your ENFPs

    Quote Originally Posted by Zarathustra View Post

    Playing the game is not being inauthentic. Playing the game is learning how to flirt with a potential person of interest.
    Yeah, I think we had different ideas about what 'the game' meant

    For the record, I do know how to flirt and have fun with a with a guy that's what I was referring to when I said 'playful fun in the moment'

    As for the 'bitch shield' you lost me there. But whatever....oooh....a girl in a cake

  6. #16
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    If I may…

    Quote Originally Posted by CreativeCait View Post
    As far as what we're thinking....often we don't even know what we're thinking. How the hell am I supposed to translate that externally to someone else 'in the moment'?? It helps if someone is willing to help me work through my thoughts with them. Cue patience, listening and asking the right questions while alowing down time to formulate answers.
    Well, we can’t be twins after all, and this is one area where we differ I think. Maybe enneagram influences this? I almost always know what I am thinking and feeling, I just sometimes have trouble conveying it in a satisfying way, especially if I am concerned about the other person’s possible reaction or being misunderstood.

    Quote Originally Posted by Zarathustra View Post
    [
    When I said "play the game", I wasn't saying all the men had to act like Bill Bellamy, and all the ladies had to act like tricks and hos. It is not a societally-defined game that must be played. But it is a game. When you know how to play it, it's actually fun. Believe it or not, it's probably, to a large extent, written into our DNA (neither of our types tend to be very good at it, tho), and even your fellow INFP Mr. Shakespeare wrote a play in which the female protagonist had to learn to let down her bitch (clueless?) shield and play it.
    :
    Yes, you’re right. And sx INFPs might be better at it, or at least have a more positive regard for it than other stackings. I think sx primaries relish this perhaps more than other stackings even though the other stackings enjoy it…and it can indeed be fun... like a dance almost... as long as it does stay authentic.. which brings me to….

    Quote Originally Posted by Zarathustra View Post
    Playing the game is learning how to flirt with a potential person of interest.:
    I thoroughly enjoy flirting. But that’s the rub – it indicates interest. Meaning. Or at least, it is supposed to. This is very individual. Flirting really does indicate interest for some people – interest that can be very selective. Whereas it indicates nearly nothing for others, and is merely a form of recreation. Therefore, my flirting increases exponentially with each level of comfort reached. I get progressively more flirtatious in order to convey my regard and that the person is attractive. Whereas many people flirt heavily and indiscriminately in the beginning of any interaction with anyone, rendering the meaning diminished and intent unclear. So in many INFPs one finds the converse pattern that is found in the majority of people, with the flirting starting out very light (in the case of the OP, big smiles for example) and steadily increasing in volume as the relationship becomes more meaningful and secure (smacking my husband on the butt, teasing, and trying to seduce him every time he’s even remotely within reach, for example.)

    I think INFPs differ greatly from ENFPs in this regard. INFPs are more apt to use flirting more judiciously, whereas ENFPs...... well..... let's face it..... ENFPs aren’t necessarily flirting because it means anything… it’s because it’s Tuesday.

    I believe you said in another post something to the effect that an ENTJ you know is like half the research but twice the volume of an INTJ. This is true with ENFPs and INFPs as well, only it is half the sincerity/meaning/depth and twice the volume. Of course there are flighty/moody individual INFPs and very sincere ENFPs, but in terms of the two types in general, INFPs have twice the staying power, depth, and intention of ENFPs. INFPs also have all the playfulness and effervescence of ENFPs as well, but we aren’t going to show that to just anyone, and that comes out as the relationship progresses. It is true we can be a pain in the beginning, but the trade off is worth it. I prefer INTJs to ENTJs for the same reason. INTJs are much more work at first than ENTJs, but the best things in life are worth working for.

    Quote Originally Posted by Zarathustra View Post
    Remembering why INFPs are such a pain in the ass
    And speaking of INTJs ….look man… you want to talk about pains in the asses? Because we can go there.


    Also want to say, @INTJguy123 should be the poster boy for awesome INTJs, because his direct, pointed, authentic, and closure-oriented method would work on any INFP that was worth having. You go boy.

  7. #17
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mia. View Post
    INFPs also have all the playfulness and effervescence of ENFPs as well ...
    Nah, that's not true. ENFP's are the sun; we are but mere candles in comparison. Still, a candle too burns brightly in the darkness ...
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching
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  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    Nah, that's not true. ENFP's are the sun; we are but mere candles in comparison. Still, a candle too burns brightly in the darkness ...
    I meant in the company of one's closest relationships. Perhaps it is just me. I know several ENFPs, and how they are with everyone is how I am with intimates, at least to a degree.

    My husband says it was a 180, because I was too reserved and stoic until we had been together a while, and now he says I'm very bubbly.
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  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mia. View Post
    Yes, you’re right. And sx INFPs might be better at it, or at least have a more positive regard for it than other stackings. I think sx primaries relish this perhaps more than other stackings even though the other stackings enjoy it…and it can indeed be fun... like a dance almost... as long as it does stay authentic.. which brings me to….

    I thoroughly enjoy flirting. But that’s the rub – it indicates interest. Meaning. Or at least, it is supposed to. This is very individual. Flirting really does indicate interest for some people – interest that can be very selective. Whereas it indicates nearly nothing for others, and is merely a form of recreation. Therefore, my flirting increases exponentially with each level of comfort reached. I get progressively more flirtatious in order to convey my regard and that the person is attractive. Whereas many people flirt heavily and indiscriminately in the beginning of any interaction with anyone, rendering the meaning diminished and intent unclear. So in many INFPs one finds the converse pattern that is found in the majority of people, with the flirting starting out very light (in the case of the OP, big smiles for example) and steadily increasing in volume as the relationship becomes more meaningful and secure (smacking my husband on the butt, teasing, and trying to seduce him every time he’s even remotely within reach, for example.)

    I think INFPs differ greatly from ENFPs in this regard. INFPs are more apt to use flirting more judiciously, whereas ENFPs...... well..... let's face it..... ENFPs aren’t necessarily flirting because it means anything… it’s because it’s Tuesday.

    I believe you said in another post something to the effect that an ENTJ you know is like half the research but twice the volume of an INTJ. This is true with ENFPs and INFPs as well, only it is half the sincerity/meaning/depth and twice the volume. Of course there are flighty/moody individual INFPs and very sincere ENFPs, but in terms of the two types in general, INFPs have twice the staying power, depth, and intention of ENFPs. INFPs also have all the playfulness and effervescence of ENFPs as well, but we aren’t going to show that to just anyone, and that comes out as the relationship progresses. It is true we can be a pain in the beginning, but the trade off is worth it. I prefer INTJs to ENTJs for the same reason. INTJs are much more work at first than ENTJs, but the best things in life are worth working for.
    I don't really disagree with anything here.

    I might add some asterisks, footnotes, or commentary, but...

    Quote Originally Posted by Mia. View Post
    And speaking of INTJs ….look man… you want to talk about pains in the asses? Because we can go there.
    ...see, that's the thing, we are a pain in the ass. I get that. Couldn't agree any more.

    A friend of mine from college used to joke that girls had a tough time getting into my pants.

    I just question whether it really makes sense for two pains in the ass to be together...

    At the very least, it makes it difficult for them to ever get together in the first place.

    (And yeah yeah yeah, I get it, "the best things in life aren't free, yada yada yada".)

    It's just... I can stick my fishing pole in the water and ENFPs come along and bite.

    And, as of yet, nothing's really shown me that INFPs actually taste any better.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mia. View Post
    Also want to say, @INTJguy123 should be the poster boy for awesome INTJs, because his direct, pointed, authentic, and closure-oriented method would work on any INFP that was worth having. You go boy.
    Honestly, at this point, we've just hijacked his thread (it's a topic I'd been considering starting a thread on previously), cuz I haven't even read his situation. Btw, sorry about that, man. No nuisance intended. Feel free to ask for a thread split if you'd like.

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zarathustra View Post
    ...see, that's the thing, we are a pain in the ass. I get that. Couldn't agree any more.

    A friend of mine from college used to joke that girls had a tough time getting in my pants.
    Yes, I’m familiar. You guys tend to be as withdrawn and selective as we do. Both of the types are idealists. They want the best form of anything, and that includes relationships, and they constantly want to improve. I actually think this is one of the reasons why the pairing is optimal. Once the two latch onto one another the bond is very strong and very true/real, as well as united in purpose.

    Quote Originally Posted by Zarathustra View Post
    I just question whether it really makes sense for two pains in the ass to be together...
    .
    Everyone is a pain in the ass, dude. You’re going to pay now, or later, but you will pay. Effort will be expended. The sooner you realize that, your world will be rocked, and relationships will start to make a whole lot more sense and feel a lot less disappointing.

    Quote Originally Posted by Zarathustra View Post

    At the very least, it makes it difficult for them to ever get together in the first place.
    This certainly can be true, but I see these couples/pairing everywhere. It is not an unusual pairing, and I don’t think that is coincidental. I think it is by design and due to the beautiful balance between the compatibility from sharing IN and compliment regarding TJ/FP. I also think as INs these two types are evenly matched in depth.

    Quote Originally Posted by Zarathustra View Post

    It's just... I can stick my fishing pole in the water and ENFPs come along and bite.
    .
    With INFPs you pay up front. It’s true. Once we become truly comfortable, the hardest work is done. At that point, we will continually seek to deepen, cement and nurture the relationship. Every relationship has it’s problems, but it gets smoother from there usually in terms of type dynamics. We are looking for stable relationships (obviously enneagram is going to affect it), and have more staying power and levels than ENFPs in general, all while providing such complimentary services as wild imagination and obscene amounts of snuggling. The ENFP feeding frenzy will end as soon as something more shiny swims by, and you pay later when the warm fuzzies wear off and their distractibility kicks back in.

    Quote Originally Posted by Zarathustra View Post
    And, as of yet, nothing's really shown me that INFPs actually taste any better.
    .
    I taste pretty darn good.

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