User Tag List

First 9171819202129 Last

Results 181 to 190 of 437

  1. #181
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    868

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    This seems plausible. If an INTJ sees something worthwhile and appealing in an INFP, however, perhaps through extended casual interaction (school, work, neighbors, etc.), we won't be deterred by their reticence and hesitation. We can be very persistent in going after what we consider worthwhile. As people who don't tend to rush headlong into relationships ourselves, the idea of protracted courtship shouldn't put us off, as long as the INFP continues to respond and interact. Slow and steady wins the race. (My INTP relied on this strategy as well.)
    .

  2. #182
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    5,624

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    (I'm told my ISTJ father said something similar to my ESFJ mother, one of the first time she cooked for him.)
    Did your mother start crying and not speak to your father for the rest of the evening? That is what happened when my INTJ father did the same exact thing to my ESFJ mother.

  3. #183
    Listening Oaky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/so
    Socionics
    SLI None
    Posts
    6,168

    Default

    So many funny thoughts in the thread. Most of the discussion about this topic is backed up upon experience which is wonderful to share. And some exotically value oriented thoughts which can always be a bit of fun. INFP/INTJ? Better pairing than an ENFP/INTJ? It's difficult to see issues beyond what's trivial in both pairings. Some can be magnified to allow a little bit of emotion and adrenaline pumping around. Some of the fantastic moves within relationships. A bit more could emphasize upon how the match is made up in the first place but transitions are simply transitions. Perhaps the thread would reach a stronger consensus with "which is easier for the INTJs to try to get into a relationship with".

    Personally, I just want my freedom to get my morning coffee.

  4. #184
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/sx
    Posts
    17,541

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Mia. View Post
    INTJs play bullshit with their Fi. On a regular basis. Contrary to what most people think or suppose, INTJs are not unemotional or lack feeling. They feel very deeply, and it drives much of what they use the rest of their functions to do. They often have a set of values that heavily influences their feeling of mission in life, and heavily influences their emotions. However, despite having this and it performing a huge role in their life and actions, because it is lower in their hierarchy, sometimes they experience a disconnect, fuzziness, or obliviousness to it. They sometimes stumble in application of their own values and emotions. This often results in a lot of dissonance for the INTJ, and screws up their equilibrium, and makes them a less effective individual, and hampers their own self-imposed goals, including their Ni vision.
    I have read this type of account before, and generally agree, especially with the first part. Any thoughts on how to correct or overcome these tendencies?

    Quote Originally Posted by Mia. View Post
    One of them being, Fi is very attuned to Fi. We constantly have our feelers out, searching and scanning for a match and congruency between our values and the values of others. In addition, we run analysis on an individual’s values and their actual behavior.
    Be careful with this, in particular with assuming you know what our values are. Some of them might be quite different from yours, while leading us to take the same actions and decisions. Or, we will share some value with you, but it will manifest in totally different observable behavior. Feel free to call BS on us INTJs, but be sure you have your facts straight (how's that for convolving Fi and Te).

    I have had only two INFPs call me on things (haven't known that many INFPs overall). One pointed out directly what she felt was an ongoing communication problem. We discussed it openly and worked it out, becoming better friends as a result. (Interestingly, she brought a couple buddies when she confronted me about it.) The other would just throw out such a different perspective on something I had said, that the flaws or omissions of my point of view were immediately apparent. There was no judgment in this, no attempt to correct or persuade. It seemed more like sharing a tiny slice of their inner world, to help me see an error in mine. My ENFP friend does this, too, but is a bit more playful and direct about it. My interactions with INFPs have been few but generally positive, partly because what I learn from them is so different from my usual experience.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mia. View Post
    We see the INTJ’s inner drive in terms of their values. We also see their emotions. We see them doing the opposite of what they actually believe, or what they know, even unconsciously, would be in their best interest or health to reach their goals. Or we see them avoiding it because of being overwhelmed and ill-equipped to handle it, causing untold chaos. There is a discrepancy between what they believe, or feel, and even what their Ni and Te would tell them to do, and what they are doing.
    Be careful here, too. An INTJ will have many goals, and will sacrifice lesser ones to achieve greater ones with no hesitation. You might be witnessing such a prioritization exercise.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  5. #185
    yap yap yap xenaprincess's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    MBTI
    infp
    Enneagram
    6w5
    Posts
    663

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Mia. View Post
    I think it is a TJ thing. Not sure how long you’ve been together, but have you found he’s mellowed or grown at all in this area over the years? My ESTJ has very much. When we were first married and throughout the first 5 years, stories like the one you just gave number in the hundreds. He’s much more developed and balanced than he used to be, and just keeps getting better. He’s really sexy, too…. in case that’s relevant.


    Yes, my INTJ has become much more attuned to my feelings. Over time, you pick up on each others' non-verbal cues.
    Now I can't even hide my feelings, which is annoying. I just want the feeling to pass. He wants to talk about it.

    I have a tough exoskeleton, too. I think younger INFPs have more trouble.

  6. #186
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    868

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by xenaprincess View Post
    Yes, my INTJ has become much more attuned to my feelings. Over time, you pick up on each others' non-verbal cues.

    Now I can't even hide my feelings, which is annoying. I just want the feeling to pass. He wants to talk about it.
    :
    I think this might be a difference between STJs and NTJs though. I am usually able to hide my feelings from STJs, even when they know me well. Whereas over time NTJs become somewhat better at this. I think it's their darned intuition. I think with my ESTJ it was more of a softening in himself than an ability to read me better, although I'm sure he does read me better than he did on day one most likely. He is much more diplomatic now, not just with me, but with everyone than he used to be.

  7. #187
    Tempbanned
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    6w5 sx/so
    Posts
    8,162

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Mia. View Post
    I think this might be a difference between STJs and NTJs though. I am usually able to hide my feelings from STJs, even when they know me well. Whereas over time NTJs become somewhat better at this. I think it's their darned intuition. I think with my ESTJ it was more of a softening in himself than an ability to read me better, although I'm sure he does read me better than he did on day one most likely. He is much more diplomatic now, not just with me, but with everyone than he used to be.
    This is a very good observation.

    I'm actually very good at picking up on other peoples' feelings.

    And I really can't imagine STJs having anywhere near the capacity for it that we do.

    They're fixated on their own sensation, we're fixated on the concept in our mind that is you.

    My so's have repeatedly said things like "You understand me better than I understand myself" and "I can't hide anything from you".

    Quote Originally Posted by Mia. View Post
    To go back to the movie Onegin, here is a very light and brief (yet momentous) example of an INFP calling an INTJ out on this issue. It happens at the end of the scene, where he is about to exit and go back to the party.

    I trust Coriolis took care of my issues with what you wrote, so I'll just add that, without more context, I can't really make a judgment about that scene.

  8. #188
    Happy Dancer uumlau's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    953 sp/so
    Posts
    5,708

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Zarathustra View Post
    @uumlau: INTJ ? ?

    These three factors together don't explain everything about a person, but they explain far more than just MBTI type alone.

    Btw, INTJs: if you know your enneagram/instinctual variant, and aren't afraid to let me know, let me know.
    @Orobas types me as 5w6 sp/so. I'd suggest 9w1 and sp/sx as another possibility, but I understand her reasoning. I'm not particularly interested in the enneagram typing at this point: none of it speaks to me other than the sp/sx/so stuff. E.g., type 5 == "nerd": OK, tell me something I don't know.

    Quote Originally Posted by xenaprincess View Post


    Yes, my INTJ has become much more attuned to my feelings. Over time, you pick up on each others' non-verbal cues.
    Now I can't even hide my feelings, which is annoying. I just want the feeling to pass. He wants to talk about it.

    I have a tough exoskeleton, too. I think younger INFPs have more trouble.
    INFPs either learn to develop the exoskeleton, or they become rather neurotic. If they develop it, they're nice, but prickly, with very particular ideas of how things ought to be, even as they strive not to impose their ideas of how things ought to be.

    W/r to INTJ attunement to feelings, I definitely have that w/r to my ENFP. If she's feeling bad, I feel bad just because she does, and I feel helpless because I cannot change it. I think the INTJ Ni eventually figures out how the other person's Fi works, more or less, and intuitively understands the signals that something is wrong. The correct action, in my opinion, is to face it head on, and don't run away.

    Ms. xena, he wants to talk about it because he cares about you, and because he's probably learned (the hard way) that if you just "let it pass", it will come up worse next time around. Te eventually learns that it needs to learn from Fi. Take advantage of it. It's sucky and painful, but when the context arises again, you'll both realize, "Oh, it's this old thing again," and everything is OK. When you're single and on your own, yes, the correct action is to process it within yourself, because there is no one else you need to share it with, but when you're with someone, you have to share it together, or it just keeps on coming up as a "problem" and possibly can drive you apart. If you can't talk about it right then, just say that you need time to process it for a while, but you'll tell him more when you're done.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mia. View Post
    I think this might be a difference between STJs and NTJs though. I am usually able to hide my feelings from STJs, even when they know me well. Whereas over time NTJs become somewhat better at this. I think it's their darned intuition. I think with my ESTJ it was more of a softening in himself than an ability to read me better, although I'm sure he does read me better than he did on day one most likely. He is much more diplomatic now, not just with me, but with everyone than he used to be.
    I think this is the general Te->Fi development. Te isn't that good at dealing with people outside of a "work together" context, but the tert/inf Fi eventually teaches us Te types to "just be nice to everyone, no matter what, because it's way more effective than being an @$$hole."
    An argument is two people sharing their ignorance.

    A discussion is two people sharing their understanding, even when they disagree.

  9. #189
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    5,624

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Zarathustra View Post
    This is a very good observation.

    I'm actually very good at picking up on other peoples' feelings.

    And I really can't imagine STJs having anywhere near the capacity for it that we do.

    They're fixated on their own sensation, we're fixated on the concept in our mind that is you.

    My so's have repeatedly said things like "You understand me better than I understand myself" and "I can't hide anything from you".
    Ah...I just want to throw it out there...that my father...and a friend of mine...are both INTJs thru & thru & thru & thru...and no one will be saying 'you understand me better than I understand myself' or 'I can't hide anything from you'...anytime soon. Big picture stuff? Yes. The individual *feelings* of the individuals close to them...haha no.

    I don't necessarily think it has anything to do with capacity...I think it has to do with focus/interest.

  10. #190
    Senior Member pinkgraffiti's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    748 sx/so
    Posts
    1,489

    Default

    me me! pick me pick me!

Similar Threads

  1. Which are better athletes, thinkers or feelers?
    By greenfairy in forum Health and Fitness
    Replies: 60
    Last Post: 09-29-2013, 09:55 PM
  2. Which are better athletes, thinkers or feelers?
    By Randomnity in forum Health and Fitness
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 07-24-2012, 01:39 PM
  3. [ENFP] ENFP or INFP?
    By raybeijo in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 08-06-2011, 11:38 PM
  4. ENFP or INFP? Heeeeelp, please!
    By cfs1992 in forum What's my Type?
    Replies: 33
    Last Post: 02-01-2011, 09:25 PM
  5. Is my brother ENFP or INFP?
    By KarenParker in forum What's my Type?
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 07-15-2009, 06:19 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO