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Thread: INFJ vs. INFJ

  1. #1
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    Default INFJ vs. INFJ

    As an INFJ female, I have never come across a male INFJ among my friends, let alone in a romantic setting. Back in December, a friend introduced me to one of her friends, told me we were very similar and would get along great. Well, lo and behold, she was correct. We have similar interests, same sense of humor, etc. - all of the basic foundations for a friendship/relationship. We both established we liked each other, but wanted to take things slowly.

    Now, almost six months into this "friendship", we are still not an official couple. We have established an exclusive physical relationship, which, I am content with as long as I know we are working toward the same goal. We have discussed this several times: both of us want a relationship, but he has been screwed over so many times and he wants to get his own life in order before he puts forth the commitment. Basically, we're both looking for long-term relationships, but the distance (which is an hour drive) is taking a toll on us, especially when you take into consideration that he lost his job (recently) and his car broke down right around when we met.

    So now that I've given you all a basic background, this is what the main issue is: we can't seem to open up emotionally to each other. While we have a great time together, it's only on surface levels. We both know that we're intellectual, but he is not used being around someone who is intellectually equal to him, thus he has never really "had" to open up to anyone around him. Whereas with me, I have had my shared handful of people that I have been able to open up to completely. We're both shy, but I'm definitely more forward than him and I will openly ask questions. We're completely honest with each other, but it is like pulling teeth to get an deep conversation out of him. Is this because we're so similar, is it trust issues? I don't know and I'm hoping this community will be able to help me figure out a way to overcome some INFJ/INFJ relationship boundary problems.

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    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ecolli View Post
    Is this because we're so similar, is it trust issues? I don't know and I'm hoping this community will be able to help me figure out a way to overcome some INFJ/INFJ relationship boundary problems.
    Trust issues.

    I find interacting with other INFJs pretty awkward generally, because I tend to take the burden of moving the conversation. That being said, asking a lot of questions (and following up) seems to work fairly well.

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