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  1. #1
    Member Black Hole Sun's Avatar
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    Default An INFJ not sympathizing...is it normal?

    I haven't really cared about things for a while mainly things that concern friends. I feel this is odd behavior for an INFJ (with the Fe being their auxiliary), but honestly I kinda don't care about a lot they have to say or clearing up issues we may have. I feel like I listen or go through the argument to be polite. Listening is fine, but if I was actually asking myself do I care about what their saying I don't think I would. I'll go through an argument to not make it worse, but I know I usually don't care about whatever we're arguing about. Disputes are dumb to me I dislike them and they make me uncomfortable. If I could have it my way after a argument everything would go back to normal and there is no making up afterwards. Now I realize that I may be coming off like I don't care about most things, but I do care about some things (a lot) such as my schooling (I rather not go to school, but I won't let me grades suffer) my dreams coming true and taking the steps it takes to get there, the future, family, oddly enough people getting hurt on tv, and when it comes to friends not starting a argument, being polite, and not hurting their feelings. So there are things, but when it comes to actually caring or sympathizing about their life or issues they may have with me I can't say I do that too much.

    So I want to know if other INFJs or NFs can relate. I feel like a missing a sympathizing gene when it comes to dealing with friends. Is this normal and most people just don't speak about it or is this odd?

    Thanks.

  2. #2
    Senior Member kyli_ryan's Avatar
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    Would you say that this is a general thing? Like have you always felt this way or is it a recent development? And does this happen with all friends, or just certain ones?

  3. #3
    Senior Member Winds of Thor's Avatar
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    Is this a toned-down doorslamming of everything on one level?

    Seriously though, maybe your outlook is of retracting back inside to conserve energies in order to get through school. Which, if you consider the effects that might have on one's health, it tilts it off balance in other departments. Which IMHO is what I hear you saying.

    Would spending somewhat more time with friends and loved ones improve your health ?
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    Senior Member Turtledove's Avatar
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    I would think it would depend on what you're friends are talking about if you don't care.
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  5. #5
    Member Black Hole Sun's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kyli_ryan View Post
    Would you say that this is a general thing? Like have you always felt this way or is it a recent development? And does this happen with all friends, or just certain ones?
    Yeah I think on some level I've always felt this way. I mean if some one tells me something bad happen to them like they just got in a car accident, my honest response would be "that sucks" but I know I'm suppose to say more so I can say "omg that is really bad, how did that happen?" I think I care in the sense that I wouldn't want them to die, but even with the accident I don't really care too much. I think this non sympathizing thing would be with all friends, which could date back since I was little. I feel like there is a wall between my feelings and friendships, I tend to show feelings for other things like a song I like comes on and I go "this song is amazing!" but not really sympathy or putting myself in their shoes.



    Quote Originally Posted by Avatar7 View Post
    Is this a toned-down doorslamming of everything on one level?

    Seriously though, maybe your outlook is of retracting back inside to conserve energies in order to get through school. Which, if you consider the effects that might have on one's health, it tilts it off balance in other departments. Which IMHO is what I hear you saying.

    Would spending somewhat more time with friends and loved ones improve your health ?
    Haha maybe it's the doorslamming thing. I've never consider the school thing. I think school is just a crappy part of my life . I've consider since I'm kind of not sure on what to do with my life, I'm ignoring other people issues, but that wouldn't explain myself being this way since I was little. I don't think spending more time would help my health, but I think maybe time away from them could haha. I left them before to go away to an university and that was amazing I felt better, but didn't make me care any more.


    Quote Originally Posted by Turtledove View Post
    I would think it would depend on what you're friends are talking about if you don't care.

    It could be anything. If their talking about things that I like then I'll engage them and talk, but I don't care really to speak i'll just speak to speak. When they share personal things I feel like I should care, but I don't and I just listen and either pretend to care or just listen like a still log.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Turtledove's Avatar
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    Oh~I don't think it has anything to do with you being an uncaring INFJ, you just need to learn to improve the listening skills in real time. Here's a site I would like for you to check out that I discovered the other day.

    http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/the-art-of-listening/
    Save Thundercats 2011 petition. Because we do what we can. HO!!!:
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  7. #7
    Member Black Hole Sun's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Turtledove View Post
    Oh~I don't think it has anything to do with you being an uncaring INFJ, you just need to learn to improve the listening skills in real time. Here's a site I would like for you to check out that I discovered the other day.

    http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/the-art-of-listening/

    Thank you for the link, maybe your right I've always thought I listen to people well, but maybe I've just convinced myself of that. I just thought I needed to be more caring with people, but idk thanks a million.

  8. #8
    Senior Member kyli_ryan's Avatar
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    I don't think that sounds like not sympathizing. Maybe you are just realistic and know you limitations (as far as what you can help them with and what you can't)?

    As for what you said about songs... I feel like I am extremely sensitive to songs and media representations of things... movies, songs, television. I don't think talking to someone about something bad that happened to them draws the same emotions that an over-the-top representation in media form does... maybe this is the difference in your response?

  9. #9
    Member Black Hole Sun's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kyli_ryan View Post
    I don't think that sounds like not sympathizing. Maybe you are just realistic and know you limitations (as far as what you can help them with and what you can't)?

    As for what you said about songs... I feel like I am extremely sensitive to songs and media representations of things... movies, songs, television. I don't think talking to someone about something bad that happened to them draws the same emotions that an over-the-top representation in media form does... maybe this is the difference in your response?

    Maybe. I do find myself thinking ok now what? what do you want me to do about your problem? so maybe it's realistic thing.

    Yeah I think my reactions to things are usually more expressive if I like something or enjoying whatever I'm doing, but when it comes to arguments I find myself getting annoyed that someone bothering me in my peacefulness and that is why I care, but not the fact that there is a misunderstanding or something wrong between the friendship. I see other people and they show that they care and sometimes they say "if you need someone to talk to I'm here." I don't think I'd say that only if I felt like I should. I don't want to talk about it most likely. It could be really bad and I doubt I'd care and even if I did I don't understand what I'm suppose to do about it. I don't sympathize as much I think I should, but maybe your right maybe it's the realist thing and maybe I am sympathetic it just varies on the situation.

    Can you or do you put yourself in others shoes?

  10. #10
    Senior Member kyli_ryan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Black Hole Sun View Post
    Can you or do you put yourself in others shoes?
    I usually do, just by habit... but it depends on who it is. If I know I'm incapable of really understanding their reaction or motives for things, it's harder to situate myself in their place. I usually just say, "if it were me..." and explain my reasoning for who I would deal with it and maybe just show them a different perspective of how someone could deal with their situation. That actually sometimes helps, because I think people who ask me for advice sometimes get caught up in their problems and ways of doing things that they don't see simple truths or explanations.

    But all that aside, I just generally LIKE to help people (maybe stick my nose in other people's business?) and kind of like talking about/solving problems together with others. It doesn't make you less of a person if that's not your thing. Maybe you shouldn't worry about what you "think you should" do and just react naturally. If you're not really interested, hopefully people will get the hint and not really come to you as a shoulder the cry on.

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