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  1. #1
    lab rat extraordinaire CrystalViolet's Avatar
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    Default Needing to feel valued.

    I've recently been battling with my need for validation at work. The work I do, has long hours, little reward, and if you are really lucky, you may have contributed to saving some ones life.
    I know my job inside out, and I'm not stupid. I do have issues with some of the paper work side of things, but my ability to be responsive, flexible, and solve problems is above par.
    I did miss out on a promotion about six months, but I thought I took it well. I know my administrative experience is limited.
    So nearly two and a half years at this place,(the longest I've been any where)I find myself getting angrier and angrier. I know my boss doesn't want to lose me, I'm the most knowledgable and experienced techie there,so he tolerates my out bursts, about not being valued.
    What distresses me, is why I feel that way?
    I've been incredible respectful of my line manager and manager, and their descions, even the ones I disagree with (and to our determent).
    I'm not sure how I deal with this. Normally I just leave, out of frustration, but you know, not even Australian economy is entirely immune to the troubles abroad.
    So, how do I approach this, in a mature manner, without snapping at everybody, making other people cry, and not looking like I'm having a temper tantrum.
    I have reached close to boiling point, not quite there, but I'm not great with these sorts of things. I usually just walk out the door.
    My boss is confused, admittedly, he knows I'm struggling with something. He also makes references to my rather extensive career, I've work more places then most people have over a life time.
    If I'm really honest with myself, it's because my boss does not seem to value my most innate abilities, and that hurts. He emphasizes all my negative characteristics, and seems to value other people more, when I've seen them make consistently silly descions, and panic etc. it frustrates me to tears, that some one who blindly follows policy is more valued than the trouble shooter extraordinaire. I guess most N's experience this.
    I guess I'm angry that ineptitude, and inability to think outside always seems to be rewarded.
    Currently submerged under an avalanche of books and paper work. I may come back up for air from time to time.
    Real life awaits and she is a demanding mistress.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  2. #2
    Let me count the ways Betty Blue's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CrystalViolet View Post
    I've recently been battling with my need for validation at work. The work I do, has long hours, little reward, and if you are really lucky, you may have contributed to saving some ones life.
    I know my job inside out, and I'm not stupid. I do have issues with some of the paper work side of things, but my ability to be responsive, flexible, and solve problems is above par.
    I did miss out on a promotion about six months, but I thought I took it well. I know my administrative experience is limited.
    So nearly two and a half years at this place,(the longest I've been any where)I find myself getting angrier and angrier. I know my boss doesn't want to lose me, I'm the most knowledgable and experienced techie there,so he tolerates my out bursts, about not being valued.
    What distresses me, is why I feel that way?
    I've been incredible respectful of my line manager and manager, and their descions, even the ones I disagree with (and to our determent).
    I'm not sure how I deal with this. Normally I just leave, out of frustration, but you know, not even Australian economy is entirely immune to the troubles abroad.
    So, how do I approach this, in a mature manner, without snapping at everybody, making other people cry, and not looking like I'm having a temper tantrum.
    I have reached close to boiling point, not quite there, but I'm not great with these sorts of things. I usually just walk out the door.
    My boss is confused, admittedly, he knows I'm struggling with something. He also makes references to my rather extensive career, I've work more places then most people have over a life time.
    If I'm really honest with myself, it's because my boss does not seem to value my most innate abilities, and that hurts. He emphasizes all my negative characteristics, and seems to value other people more, when I've seen them make consistently silly descions, and panic etc. it frustrates me to tears, that some one who blindly follows policy is more valued than the trouble shooter extraordinaire. I guess most N's experience this.
    I guess I'm angry that ineptitude, and inability to think outside always seems to be rewarded.

    You know in all seriousness, i discovered this amazing thing called talking about it. I know it sounds stupid but i personally retreat into my own head and do these freakout things and then run away, it extends pretty much across the board. But wait... just discuss it (with your boss).... it's like fucking magic. You either get what you need or you can move on with closure. That whole ne-te looping thing can drive you nuts but you sound like you have worked out what the problems actually are so now you need to move to the "action" stage.

    Oh just realised i was going under the assumption that you are ENFP, i though you were.
    "We knew he was someone who had a tragic flaw, that's where his greatness came from"

  3. #3
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    Have you talked to your managers about this? In a serious but calm manner? Maybe there was a reason that they did not promote you that you are not aware of? Then also ask them, what do I need to do, what skills do I need to improve, before I am qualified for a promotion?
    4w5 sp/sx EII

  4. #4
    lab rat extraordinaire CrystalViolet's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HelenOfTroy View Post
    You know in all seriousness, i discovered this amazing thing called talking about it. I know it sounds stupid but i personally retreat into my own head and do these freakout things and then run away, it extends pretty much across the board. But wait... just discuss it (with your boss).... it's like fucking magic. You either get what you need or you can move on with closure. That whole ne-te looping thing can drive you nuts but you sound like you have worked out what the problems actually are so now you need to move to the "action" stage.

    Oh just realised i was going under the assumption that you are ENFP, i though you were.
    LOL, enfp-ish INFP. I identify more with INFP.
    About talking about it. I wouldn't know how to broach the subject. The promotion was/is a touchy subject for all concerned. It was handled poorly at the time. My boss told no-one, that he was transferring some one out. The woman promoted nearly left, when she realized I'd been acting unofficially in her position, until she arrived. Another staff member took the issue to a review committee, and argued it it until the cows came home, because he felt he should have got it. At the time I felt it would be in my best interests, not to rock the boat. I know my boss feels guilty that he fucked me over, because he wanted a secretary, not a scientist. Not that he ever once asked me, or suggested that I do the paperwork side.
    It's not some thing I want to stir up, for the good of the lab, but I think it was short sighted choice, and it's starting to show. Don't get me wrong, I really like the woman who was promoted, and all said and done, she gives me a hell of lot more latitude, than anybody else ( and admittedly so does my boss), but none of it is official. I'm like the scientist at the back of the bigger labs, who's near retirement and the guru, but never once got official recognition in their entire career. Every one respects them, and they tend to have more authority (unofficially), but they are the people who should have been the manager. Except either they are mad as hatters, or have some fatal character flaw.
    Currently submerged under an avalanche of books and paper work. I may come back up for air from time to time.
    Real life awaits and she is a demanding mistress.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  5. #5
    lab rat extraordinaire CrystalViolet's Avatar
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    I did talk about it once with our area manager once, in terms of improving my chances next time. He said it wasn't any thing in particular, I just didn't have experience in management, and was occasionally too left field, for my managers liking.
    His pet name for me is space cadet.
    Currently submerged under an avalanche of books and paper work. I may come back up for air from time to time.
    Real life awaits and she is a demanding mistress.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  6. #6
    lab rat extraordinaire CrystalViolet's Avatar
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    In truth, this is the first time, I've opened up about any of this. No-one in RL has an inkling what's going on my head, other than I've been very frustrated in the last week. Every one leans too heavily on me to make descions etc, when it's truly not my place. Also my boss complained about too many chiefs, which really really hurt. I'm in this weird limbo, and I try to step back or forward and get caught on barbed wire either side.
    Currently submerged under an avalanche of books and paper work. I may come back up for air from time to time.
    Real life awaits and she is a demanding mistress.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  7. #7
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    I saw this situation in my last workplace. We had a 'senior' person who obviously knew much more than her manager (who was new), and it was an awkward situation for everyone. The manager also knew this, but no one said anything because it was such a delicate situation. Luckily, the manager left after she got pregnant and the 'senior' officer got promoted (and became my boss), and it worked out great. I remember my boss saying that if she hadn't been promoted she would have left the company. She was extremely frustrated with the manager too at that time, because she knew the manager was simply not competent.


    Quote Originally Posted by CrystalViolet View Post
    What distresses me, is why I feel that way?
    I think it's perfectly normal to feel this way in your situation. But if there isn't an open position, maybe there is nothing you can do at the moment. You can ask for a raise, but I don't think that's what you want.

    Workplace politics is weird. Sometimes it's not the most competent person who gets promoted. Personally, do you think you will be better at the job than the current person? Do you feel like you are being taken for granted by your boss(es)? Maybe they think that people who "follow policies" will be able to set a good example for their subordinates, while you're more of a one-of-a-kind? Do you think you'll make a good leader? I know sometimes people are promoted because they are nice to everyone and their promotion won't cause a stir. Also, when you're in a management role, you actually do less of the 'hands-on' stuff, but maybe that's where they want you.

    Another way to do this, I think, is for the managers to come up with a better job title, description (and pay) for you. Make it some sort of a 'specialist' position. Will that work?
    4w5 sp/sx EII

  8. #8
    lab rat extraordinaire CrystalViolet's Avatar
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    @21%
    We have different strengths. I'm way better at the practical side of lab management. Managing work flow, utilising staff strengths, making descions about how much work we can take on board. She is better with administration, but I'm much more perceptive than she is, when it comes to things. She tends to be "she'll be right" where as I'll have contingency plans upon contingency plans for each eventuality, and failing that, I'm very resourceful.
    She's also slightly better with people. Not staff necessarily, but she's much more patient with nurses and doctors. I'm better with the techies. Truth is we'd make a awesome team if we could share the position.
    My manager was thinking of leaving too, at the end of the year, but that has been scuppered. I was willing to wait for that but if it's going to be longer (and it is because his wife got a surprise promotion at her work) I need to consider options. I don't want to have to leave the network or go to the absolute back of beyond either.
    Currently submerged under an avalanche of books and paper work. I may come back up for air from time to time.
    Real life awaits and she is a demanding mistress.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  9. #9
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    kk I don't know if this is relevant, but when I look back on my career - many different contracts, many different employers - the 2 year mark is ALWAYS where I've become stir-crazy, even at the places I liked!

    So, I can't type a longer reply today, I have to get out the door atm, BUT, hold on, I do want to share some potentially helpful stuff on this. I realized there was a pattern in my life and perhaps there is one in yours too ...

    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

  10. #10
    Let me count the ways Betty Blue's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CrystalViolet View Post
    In truth, this is the first time, I've opened up about any of this. No-one in RL has an inkling what's going on my head, other than I've been very frustrated in the last week. Every one leans too heavily on me to make descions etc, when it's truly not my place. Also my boss complained about too many chiefs, which really really hurt. I'm in this weird limbo, and I try to step back or forward and get caught on barbed wire either side.

    Yeah you see, this is the problem i have...the shutters comming down...and eek syndrome.
    It does sound like a pretty raw situation so you may want to give it time for the dust to settle. But when i said talk to your boss, i didn't exactly mean about the position you missed out on, i ment more the feeling undervalued part. They may go hand in hand but it also might help just sitting down and thrashing it out a bit. And yeah, you could ask him what skills to brush up on for the future, i mean, it sounds like you have it down cept the paperwork part. There might be some course or other you could do to help with the admin side of things.
    It sounds like a really hard situation though if you are not the most assertive go getting type, haha.
    "We knew he was someone who had a tragic flaw, that's where his greatness came from"

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