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  1. #21
    heart on fire
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    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    Cultivating lovers does require a certain extra amount of effort, or why are you bothering to see them that way?
    Can one have a friendship that means much to the heart and is worth much time and effort without a sexual/romantic payoff?

  2. #22
    Senior Member surgery's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DigitalMethod View Post
    The thing I most dislike about INFPs is that I will state a neutral observation, and it will be taken as a direct insult.
    That's very true for me. When I react like this, it's usually because what someone has said struck a "nerve", or insecurity that I've been dealing with internally. INFPs are generally very self-critical, and consequently, very sensitive to anything that they feel affirms their doubts. So, if this happens in the future, DO NOT GET UPSET. Just have patience. Maybe try apologizing (if you feel it's appropriate) and/or gently asking why that was offensive. You don't have to agree that her reaction was rational (eventually, she probably feel sorry for getting upset), but know that, for her, there's some sort of half logic behind it.

  3. #23
    Resident Snot-Nose GZA's Avatar
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    Have fun trying to become "good friends" with a girl you are infatuated with. By "have fun" I mean you're walking yourself into a living hell I did the same thing, once. Seriously. Don't do it. Go big or go home.

    But if I can't convince you, I won't bother. Do whatever you want. There is no teacher like experience.

    As others have said, try to tolerate the irrational/crazy/emo qualities she may exhibit (although no one calls it "being emo" when a girl does it, do they?). Try to understand that underneath the apparent insanity there is a seriously deep well of observation, imagination, ideas, and emotions. Don't dismiss it. Dismissing it is bad, it's pretty offensive even to have someone treat you like you're an idiot or insane. It feels like being disqualified as a human. Whether or not that is "logical" or reasonable, thats how it feels, so avoid it.

    So yah, tolerance, patience, and understanding are the key, here.

    And seriously, you're setting yourself up for a BIG fall by "becoming good friends" when you seem to be infatuated. So proceed with caution, or don't proceed at all. Or ask her out. Whatever floats your boat.

  4. #24
    Member songofcalamity's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DigitalMethod View Post

    Alright, I use to have a crush on her, I sort of do still, but I rationalized that it wouldn't be possible because of difference in educational tracks. And the fact that she doesn't have a desire for a relationship at this point in her life.

    Now that I have rationalized that, I don't really have a crush anymore. But I still have the desire there to have someone in which I can talk to on a deeper level than just friends.

    But she still sees me as pressing the front to go out, I think, when really all I am doing is pressing the front to be closer friends...
    I am an INFP, and I think I have similar problems as yours. I used to have a crush on an INTJ, but now I sincerely just want to be close friends with him, but I don't know how to go about being friends with him, because sometimes he seemed so hostile and .... errr unfriendly. and at other times he seemed so approachable and nice.

  5. #25
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DigitalMethod View Post
    This all has gotten horribly complex, all I wanted was some tips from INFPs on how to better understand them...


    I see we are making some progress then.

    My tip: INFPs really appreciate balls-on-the-line honesty. If they think you're trying to get an angle on them for unstated (presumably evil) purposes, they will shut down around you in no uncertain terms. However, if you make your communication authentic and even vulnerable, you're on a sure thing. Of course, I realize that this is a prospect which tends to make INTXs squirm with revulsion. This is probably because they often seem to confuse being vulnerable with being emotional.

    Another key reason I think INTJs may struggle to befriend INFPs is that INFPs tend to have a marked difference between their "public face" and their "private face". INTJs from what I've seen don't seem to have much of a "private face". This can be quite a big deal when not understood.

  6. #26
    heart on fire
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    [QUOTE=JivinJeffJones;207146 INTJs from what I've seen don't seem to have much of a "private face". This can be quite a big deal when not understood.[/QUOTE]


    Is this really true? Don't all introverts have a more private face that they show to intimiates? T's more so than F I would think. Feeling is inferior and they might feel comfortable showing to select few. My INTJ father showed a face to my mother that he showed no one else. No body who knew him believes some of the things he would say or do when with her at home.

  7. #27
    ish red no longer *sad* nightning's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    Can one have a friendship that means much to the heart and is worth much time and effort without a sexual/romantic payoff?
    It doesn't sound as if he was looking for just a friendship. But my stance for close friendship is that these things happens naturally. I don't go around specifically looking for them. Forced friendships doesn't work in the long run anyhow.

    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    Is this really true? Don't all introverts have a more private face that they show to intimiates? T's more so than F I would think. Feeling is inferior and they might feel comfortable showing to select few. My INTJ father showed a face to my mother that he showed no one else. No body who knew him believes some of the things he would say or do when with her at home.
    Contrary to popular believes... INTJs can be warm to a selective few. Tertiary Fi and all

  8. #28
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    Is this really true? Don't all introverts have a more private face that they show to intimiates? T's more so than F I would think. Feeling is inferior and they might feel comfortable showing to select few. My INTJ father showed a face to my mother that he showed no one else. No body who knew him believes some of the things he would say or do when with her at home.
    I think some introverts are far, far more reticent about showing their private face than others. INFPs will drop their guards hugely within the space of one unexpectedly meaningful conversation. I think it takes much more than this to get an INTJ to drop their guard. And I suspect that when they do so, it isn't always apparent.

    Quote Originally Posted by nightning View Post
    Contrary to popular believes... INTJs can be warm to a selective few. Tertiary Fi and all
    Yes they can. It just doesn't look very warm. Which is fine.

  9. #29
    Senior Member sriv's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    Is this really true? Don't all introverts have a more private face that they show to intimiates? T's more so than F I would think. Feeling is inferior and they might feel comfortable showing to select few. My INTJ father showed a face to my mother that he showed no one else. No body who knew him believes some of the things he would say or do when with her at home.
    I definitely have a private face. I express emotion much more freely to my family than the public. My behavior is not even IxTJ with family it is more ExTP. Radical transformation. When it comes to deep discussion, I am myself.
    Reyson: ...If you were to change your ways, I'm sure we could rebuild the relationship the two of us once shared.

    Naesala: Oh no, that I could never do. You see, humans are essential to the fulfillment of my ambitions.

    Reyson: You've changed, Naesala. If this is the path you've chosen, I've nothing left to say.

  10. #30
    heart on fire
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    Quote Originally Posted by nightning View Post
    It doesn't sound as if he was looking for just a friendship. But my stance for close friendship is that these things happens naturally. I don't go around specifically looking for them. Forced friendships doesn't work in the long run anyhow.
    I said nothing about *forced* friendships.

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