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  1. #1
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    Default Female INFJs - surprisingly girly?

    INFJs are supposed to be artistic, creative, humanitarian, intelligent, living in the wold of possibilities. They are often, in one way or another, rebels, often pushing the next social or moral boundary. They are also often highly independent. Yet at the end of the day, have you guys noticed female INFJs are often...surprisingly girly/feminine? That is to say, even when they often rebel against traditional female roles and stereotypes, female INFJs at same time still often embrace traditional female roles in a significant manner. True, most women of course embrace some sort of female role even when they rebel against those roles; it's just INFJs seem to do so in a special way? in a very significant way?
    "Excellence is the result of caring more than others think is wise, risking more than others think is safe, dreaming more than others think is practical and expecting more than others think is possible." - Mac Anderson

  2. #2
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    I consider myself pretty 'girly'. I don't think femininity is the same thing as "stereotypical female roles" and people can be artistic, creative, humanitarian, intelligent, living in a world of possibilities, and highly independent, WHILE being very feminine at the same time.
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  3. #3
    Step into my office. Luv Deluxe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EricHanson View Post
    Yet at the end of the day, have you guys noticed female INFJs are often...surprisingly girly/feminine? That is to say, even when they often rebel against traditional female roles and stereotypes, female INFJs at same time still often embrace traditional female roles in a significant manner.
    Could you elaborate on this? There are many ways to be traditionally/stereotypically feminine, and I'm curious which ones you had in mind with regard to female INFJ behavior.

    I consider myself feminine, but mostly in a physical, sexual context. My body is athletic, but not without its curves. I wear skirts, corsets, etc. I experiment with clothing, hair, and makeup. (Admittedly, all of my cosmetics easily fit into a small sandwich bag, and I find their actual application tedious. It's a necessary evil, I guess.) I feel good when I look good, and I preen myself in order to keep my insecurities at bay.

    Then, of course, I love sex, and I love sex with men.

    In matters of personality, however, "girly" might be one of the last adjectives I'd use to describe myself. It's true that I don't care for shopping sprees, diamonds, or any assortment of pink, glittery things, but it's also much deeper than that.

    For example, I'm not sure that I have any maternal instincts at all. I feel no attachment to babies, and have never even found them cute. I see other women ogling newborns and I feel almost alien, aware as I am that I do not feel the same stirrings they do.

    I haven't exactly pondered marriage, either. I require a lot of personal space in relationships...and a certain, rare understanding along with it. I like being as self-sufficient as possible, and would feel more than a little awkward if my partner ended up taking care of me, financially. Men outnumber women in both my job and field of study, but I feel completely comfortable with that.

    Again, I'm not certain of your precise meaning with regard to "traditional" female roles and the INFJ tendency to embrace them. Even if I don't identify, I'm sure there are those who do. It's an interesting observation, anyway.
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  4. #4
    yap yap yap xenaprincess's Avatar
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    I have a gay male INFJ friend who can at times remind me of a 10yo girl in pigtails, haha.
    no offense to other male INFJs out there. Or 10yo girls.

    A female INFJ I know is not that 'girly'. She is very maternal though. She always wears dresses, never pants, (I'm the same way), more for comfort and flattery to the body. My INFJ female friend can be pretty tough to be around. She is opinionated, sometimes brutally so, but can be the most loving person ever.

  5. #5
    Senior Member kyli_ryan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EricHanson View Post
    INFJs are supposed to be artistic, creative, humanitarian, intelligent, living in the wold of possibilities. They are often, in one way or another, rebels, often pushing the next social or moral boundary. They are also often highly independent. Yet at the end of the day, have you guys noticed female INFJs are often...surprisingly girly/feminine? That is to say, even when they often rebel against traditional female roles and stereotypes, female INFJs at same time still often embrace traditional female roles in a significant manner. True, most women of course embrace some sort of female role even when they rebel against those roles; it's just INFJs seem to do so in a special way? in a very significant way?
    I completely identify with what you're saying here, although I'm not sure if it's an INFJ quality or just the way I am. It also might have something to do with the place one is in their life... like if it'll come out later or when one is in a specific situation in life. I think that I've always been pretty in tune with my feminine side, as far as clothing and the way that I appear to others. As far as "feminine" qualities... I don't know if by mentioning independence that I would agree with you on this. I've always considered myself very independent, and have always taken care of others in anyway that I can... kind of a momma bear

    I think that now that I'm in a relationship where the dynamics can kind of change, I appreciate when I don't have to be so independently minded, so maybe in this way I fall into your idea? I like being able to think as a duo and maybe make tentative plans to discuss with him later... I know in situations related to our life together, I cannot be totally independently minded, and I think that I take to that really well. I have also always been really fond of babies, I love taking care of them and imagining my own... it makes me feel warm and fuzzy

    I guess that I would really fall into what you're describing here... but I also don't know if all INFJ females would fit into that... I think it may be my 2 "ness" that makes me so motherly and cutesy.

  6. #6
    Senior Member SubtleFighter's Avatar
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    "Feminine" is not equal to "following traditional female roles"
    "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear."--Ambrose Redmoon

    . . . metamorphosing . . .

  7. #7
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
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    Ew, girls have cooties.
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    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Most people consider me an INFJ and I'm not girly. I don't relate to the OP, but maybe I'm not typical INFJ or maybe I'm not INFJ. At any rate I've never been able to fit in with the expectations of the traditional female role to the point that I've rarely ever had any female friends in those environments. I was definitely conditioned to be girly on church women retreats that told us the difference between men and women, and having family that valued traditional gender roles. It was never me, so it wasn't a matter of rebelling, but a matter of not being able to internally change to fit the imposed norm.

    I like debate and pursue intellectual interests, have usually lived in tough environments, hate girly shoes, rarely wear makeup, spend 5 minutes at most on my hair, rarely buy new clothes, hate shopping, can't multitask, don't enjoy talking on the phone, don't have a group of girlfriends to share feelings with, never read fashion magazines, am not flirtatious, don't want expensive jewelry or flowers, am not a good cook, and I don't even have children. I am a professional in the creative arts and value compassion, but let's hope that's not limited to girliness.
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  9. #9
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    Answering directly at the title - Yes, I've noticed that INFJ females are indeed quite girly girly.

  10. #10
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I think I'd be considered pretty feminine, but not exactly girly. As in, I don't fit in to the Sex in the City watching parties, doing my nails with girlfriends, cooing over other people's babies or enjoying long baths with candles etc. I often find myself not enjoying the company of a lot of women because of the kind of conversation, even though on a one on one basis I like being around other women. I think I am maternal, but I don't have children and I'm alright with it if it doesn't happen. I am not married and am okay with not being in a relationship, even though I like men and enjoy the contrast between feminine and masculine approaches and perspectives and even roles.

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