"I'm sorry for your loss" feels more contained and almost formulaic, thus I would respond with a more formulaic response in turn, (enfp chameleon effect) so it is much easier not to default to the knee jerk "It's not your fault". I think part of the cause for the knee jerk incorrect response is that I tend be very authentic and literal in my communication with others, as well as I dont think before I open my mouth, thus do blurt things out at times-whatever is on the top of my head and fits the flow of the conversation the best.
I thought a bit more on this and I can alsoidentify with what a few other posters have noted and even what @fidelia observed-typically in his situation I am not comfortable dealing with my own emotions even and I am not comfortable sharing them on the topic, so I tend to be very reserved. So when someone responds with an fairly "intense" empathic response (the big "I'm so sorry") I actually feel do one of two things-1) if I dont know them well, I withdraw into my shell very quickly and I sort of sputter out something to stop what feels like emotional invasiveness and too much probing 2) If I do know them well, then I feel really bad that I made them feel bad and try and take back the blame-just as @fidelia noted. That was really interesting to see from the other side. Thank you beautiful INFJ ladies, as always you enlighten me a great deal.
To the INFJs-are you offended when you hear the response "It's not your fault"? Or is it just a weird social bump that leaves you off kilter? Or does it feel like your kind gesture was rejected?