User Tag List

First 1234 Last

Results 11 to 20 of 109

  1. #11
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    6w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    3,939

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    I'm awful with this stuff.

    I said "that sucks" to someone once. And they said "yes it does"

    I use that a lot now.
    I kind of think of "I'm sorry" as the more polite way of saying "that sucks."

    @UniqueMixture: I guess it seems fair to think, if someone has just told you that they're "devastated", that they feel bad about the situation.

    I'm not saying everyone reacts like this. The majority don't. It just happens more often that I would have expected.

    Anyway, even if they didn't feel bad (which I would sincerely find bizarre under circumstances that I've described), it just seems like "I'm sorry" is a fairly generic way to express that you feel for them and would like to help if you could. The dreaded "I know exactly how you feel", now THAT's something I would never say. Because I don't, and can't.
    Female
    INFJ
    Enneagram 6w5 sp/sx


    I DOORSLAMMING

  2. #12
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    6w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    3,939

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lux View Post
    I get what you're saying and I think it's natural to say, "I'm so sorry." I have had people have the same reaction to that statement as you and I think it's because they're not prepared to react to your reaction. As in, they want to say / have some bad news about themselves and need / want to tell you, but are uncomfortable with the aftermath of pity. So they make a joke sort of, "It's not your fault." to deflect the immediate uncomfortable feelings that arise. I think that response is mainly because people need to share events in their lives but rarely do they want actual pity, but they feel better when they know you care, so it's an awkward situation on both sides.
    I think this makes the most sense to me so far.

    So, for the people who think "I'm so sorry" is an inappropriate thing to say...what should I say? I could say "how do you feel about that?" but that a) makes me sound like a therapist, b) invites the response "how the hell do you think I feel about it?!?!"
    Female
    INFJ
    Enneagram 6w5 sp/sx


    I DOORSLAMMING

  3. #13
    Senior Member UniqueMixture's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    MBTI
    estj
    Enneagram
    378 sx/so
    Socionics
    esfp
    Posts
    3,038

    Default

    Then perhaps reflecting/rephrasing what they just said back to them would work better. It sounds like this is very overwhelming for you. This way you're talking about their feelings and connecting with them. What you're saying is good, it just doesn't send the message you intend to send to some.
    For all that we have done, as a civilization, as individuals, the universe is not stable, and nor is any single thing within it. Stars consume themselves, the universe itself rushes apart, and we ourselves are composed of matter in constant flux. Colonies of cells in temporary alliance, replicating and decaying and housed within, an incandescent cloud of electrical impulses. This is reality, this is self knowledge, and the perception of it will, of course, make you dizzy.

  4. #14
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    7w6
    Socionics
    ENFp
    Posts
    6,075

    Default

    "I'm sorry" sounds crappy because everyone is told to say it. It's like "how are you? I'm fine" for funerals.


    [YOUTUBE="JXcueVDW2Mo"].[/YOUTUBE]
    I believe everything in life has an important IT crowd reference.
    (studio audience)

  5. #15
    Kraken down on piracy Lux's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    1,527

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    So, for the people who think "I'm so sorry" is an inappropriate thing to say...what should I say? I could say "how do you feel about that?" but that a) makes me sound like a therapist, b) invites the response "how the hell do you think I feel about it?!?!"
    For me it depends on how well I know the person. If I know them well, I'll call the situation out, "Wow, that sucks (I'm sorry), I want to be there for you however you need me, so if you want to talk, I'm all about that, if you just wanted to tell me then be left alone, I'm all about that too."

    If it's someone I don't know, "I'm so sorry," "It's not your fault." *sigh*
    "It is not length of life, but depth of life." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

    "Thought breeds thought." ~ Henry David Thoreau

  6. #16
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    6w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    3,939

    Default

    I find it odd how when I (or anyone really) posts threads like this, there are always so many people willing to pile on telling you you're doing it all wrong and that's why you get an odd reaction from a FEW people.
    Female
    INFJ
    Enneagram 6w5 sp/sx


    I DOORSLAMMING

  7. #17
    Senior Member Viridian's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    MBTI
    IsFJ
    Posts
    3,088

    Default

    I guess "my condolences" is a tad too formal...
    Tentative typing: ISFJ 6w5 or 9w1 (Sp/S[?]).

  8. #18
    Senior Member UniqueMixture's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    MBTI
    estj
    Enneagram
    378 sx/so
    Socionics
    esfp
    Posts
    3,038

    Default

    We'll, I'm not here to tell you you're wrong

    Just throwing an idea out there and I hope it works for you
    For all that we have done, as a civilization, as individuals, the universe is not stable, and nor is any single thing within it. Stars consume themselves, the universe itself rushes apart, and we ourselves are composed of matter in constant flux. Colonies of cells in temporary alliance, replicating and decaying and housed within, an incandescent cloud of electrical impulses. This is reality, this is self knowledge, and the perception of it will, of course, make you dizzy.

  9. #19
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    6w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    3,939

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by UniqueMixture View Post
    We'll, I'm not here to tell you you're wrong

    Just throwing an idea out there and I hope it works for you
    Thank you
    Female
    INFJ
    Enneagram 6w5 sp/sx


    I DOORSLAMMING

  10. #20
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6
    Posts
    24,060

    Default

    I think what Lux said makes sense. I've been on both sides of this, actually. Sometimes it compounds a bad event to also have people feeling sorry for me. But I always want to express my sympathy somehow when people tell me about their bad events.

    Tangentially- I try not to say "I'm sorry" about divorces anymore, unless the person telling me clearly didn't want it to happen (which is what your instances sound like). Among my friends who have gotten divorced, most of the turmoil happens before they make the decision to split up, and by then the split-up is actually a relief.

    Quote Originally Posted by Louis C.K.
    I’m divorced, so I’m single again after ten years of marriage. And—no... Cut the shit! Don’t even start with that noise like a puppy died! Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. And this is important because some day one of your friends is gonna get divorced. It’s gonna happen. And they’re gonna tell you, don’t go “awww sorry.” That’s a stupid thing to say! It really is. First of all, you’re making them feel bad for being really happy, which isn’t fair. And second, let me explain something to you. Divorce is always good news. I know that sounds weird, but it’s true because no good marriage has ever ended in divorce. It’s really that simple. That’s never hap— that would be sad. If two people were married and they were really happy and they just had a great thing, and then they got divorced, that would be really sad. But that has happened zero times. Literally zero. Ray Charles has killed more jews than happy marriages have ended in divorce. So if your friend got divorced, it means things were bad and now they’re—I mean, they’re better. They’re not good, life is shit wall to wall. But they’re better, so you should be happy.

Similar Threads

  1. Can you believe it's not butter?
    By ThatsWhatHeSaid in forum The Fluff Zone
    Replies: 36
    Last Post: 10-20-2013, 01:20 PM
  2. Is it important not to drag your feet?
    By Haphazard in forum Health and Fitness
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 01-20-2011, 11:26 PM
  3. Not your typical Myers-Briggs Personality Types
    By Ender in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: 02-14-2008, 09:32 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO