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  1. #91
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    It is pointless as far as exchange of information, but it's not fake -- it serves its purpose. It's not meant to be a genuine conversation. Just as "I'm sorry" is not an apology. It's a thing you say when someone else tells about their misfortune.
    It is fake because I don't feel it and I don't mean it. I therefore do my best to avoid saying it, and to find something else to say that I really do mean and will also be considered socially acceptable.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  2. #92
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    *SIGH*
    Raised by wolves...

  3. #93
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    I think this has been mentioned.... But it's a pet peeve of mine when people say "It's not your fault" in response to "I'm sorry". They clearly don't understand what "sorry" even means. People think "I'm sorry" means "I apologize", but it does not. It can be an apology, but it does not literally mean you apologize. Obviously, "sorry" is related to "sorrow", so "I'm sorry" really means "I feel sorrow" or "grief" or "sadness". So when something bad happens to someone (ie. they lose a loved one), and you say "I'm sorry", then you're just saying, "I feel sad for your loss". You are offering sympathy, not an apology. "I'm sorry" is perfectly appropriate & those who think it's always an apology or a taking of blame don't have a good grasp of English .

    The fact that it's sort of a stock phrase to lean on doesn't bug me.... I thought these phrases were "invented" precisely because these moments can be awkward & people don't know what to say, but they DO want to express genuine sympathy. Just because it's not an original phrase or some profound offering doesn't make the motive fake.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  4. #94
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    It is pointless as far as exchange of information, but it's not fake -- it serves its purpose. It's not meant to be a genuine conversation. Just as "I'm sorry" is not an apology. It's a thing you say when someone else tells about their misfortune.
    This. is. so. weird. (not you Tildy, you are very funny! ) rather the notion of saying things that are not meant to be a genuine convo. why are my lips moving if it isnt meant to convey content...very strange notion.

    (As an aside I routinely blow the "how are you doing" question as well) *shakes head at self* It is a combo of a too open mouth combined with an innate knee jerk drive to authenticity in interaction I think.

    In midstream I need to figure out a suitable lie to address the social question, then simultaneously reason why it is okay to lie to the other person, because they really want me to, then actually tell the lie. It is a lot of work for a quick social interaction.

    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    It is fake because I don't feel it and I don't mean it. I therefore do my best to avoid saying it, and to find something else to say that I really do mean and will also be considered socially acceptable.
    I think necromancy could provide a reasonable solution to the problem...think about it-you could actually DO something about the issue and I wouldnt have to feel apologetic over their loss any more....it could be the PERFECT solution.

    Bob: My just passed away last week...
    Me: Have you considered raising her from the dead? I have a couple of good spells....

    (zombies are only scary if they aren't family)


  5. #95
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orobas View Post
    (As an aside I routinely blow the "how are you doing" question as well) *shakes head at self* It is a combo of a too open mouth combined with an innate knee jerk drive to authenticity in interaction I think.

    In midstream I need to figure out a suitable lie to address the social question, then simultaneously reason why it is okay to lie to the other person, because they really want me to, then actually tell the lie. It is a lot of work for a quick social interaction.
    What about a too closed mouth combined with that drive to authenticity? At least that makes it easier to avoid lying. I have seen enough of these situations, though, to have developed my own stock answers to many of them. My typical answer to "how are you doing", for instance, is simply "busy". "No/not really" works for surprisingly many pointless, insipid questions.

    Quote Originally Posted by Orobas View Post
    I think necromancy could provide a reasonable solution to the problem...think about it-you could actually DO something about the issue and I wouldnt have to feel apologetic over their loss any more....it could be the PERFECT solution.
    Oooohh - an excuse to learn a new skill, and help others in the process.

    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  6. #96
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    What about a too closed mouth combined with that drive to authenticity? At least that makes it easier to avoid lying. I have seen enough of these situations, though, to have developed my own stock answers to many of them. My typical answer to "how are you doing", for instance, is simply "busy". "No/not really" works for surprisingly many pointless, insipid questions.]
    I abosluetely agree wrt INTJ authenticity and closed mouthness. I have seen a ton of INTJs over at INTJf and often they feel the same Fi pull to be authentic of just say nothing.

    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    [
    Oooohh - an excuse to learn a new skill, and help others in the process.
    Exactly!! See this is why INTJs and ENFPs can work well together! (To possibly bring about the zombie apocolypse...it's like combining Pandora with Thor's hammer-hmmm, I wonder if this will work *giggles*)

  7. #97
    Senior Member Viridian's Avatar
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    What would be the honest thing to say, then, when you're not devastated but understand that the other person is and want to be courteous even though you don't know him/her very well?
    Tentative typing: ISFJ 6w5 or 9w1 (Sp/S[?]).

  8. #98
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Viridian View Post
    What would be the honest thing to say, then, when you're not devastated but understand that the other person is and want to be courteous even though you don't know him/her very well?
    I assume you are referring to death situations. For someone I don't know well, I usually say something like "that's too bad", or "that sounds like a difficult situation" if they have shared enough details to support this conclusion.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  9. #99
    Senior Member Viridian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    I assume you are referring to death situations. For someone I don't know well, I usually say something like "that's too bad", or "that sounds like a difficult situation" if they have shared enough details to support this conclusion.
    Fair enough. Thanks!
    Tentative typing: ISFJ 6w5 or 9w1 (Sp/S[?]).

  10. #100
    Aquaria mrcockburn's Avatar
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    I just say "oh wow" or "yikes".

    ...yeah, I think I need Fe lessons.
    3w4-9w1-?w6 (nearly headless nick)
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