User Tag List

First 6789 Last

Results 71 to 80 of 88

  1. #71
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    868

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by INTJguy123 View Post

    BUT...could self protect mode kick in when 1)you are strongly attracted to somebody but want to allow time to deal with said feelings 2)you have been hurt in the past 3)etc

    Just trying to understand this "mode" in a more generalized sense
    Yes, yes, and yes.


  2. #72
    Member CreativeCait's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    MBTI
    PING
    Posts
    81

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by INTJguy123 View Post
    And yeah the aw thats sweet absolutely sucks to hear...BUT for some reason I think there is a chance it may not be the kiss of death, particularly coming from an Fi dominant person. I actually spent quite a while reading a random thread I found on google about when girls say that to guys, and apparently a good portion say it to guys they're interested in. Surprised the heck out of me honestly, but I guess that's what differences in communication styles entails. Who knows
    I'd agree with this! I do it too.

  3. #73
    yap yap yap xenaprincess's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    MBTI
    infp
    Enneagram
    6w5
    Posts
    663

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by INTJguy123 View Post
    BUT...could self protect mode kick in when 1)you are strongly attracted to somebody but want to allow time to deal with said feelings 2)you have been hurt in the past 3)etc
    Self-protection mode is often the default setting installed at the infp factory.

    it's like we are little bunny rabbits., haha.

  4. #74
    yap yap yap xenaprincess's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    MBTI
    infp
    Enneagram
    6w5
    Posts
    663

    Default

    I find this thread incredibly sweet, I must say, and am glad INTJ-guy won't lose (too much) sleep over this.

    The thing I've learned tho is you can't know what the other person is thinking/feeling so it's useless to act so that they will do or feel something. Que sera sera. Really, it is useless. If it'll be, it'll be.

    The overthinking is completely up the INFP alley, which is why several INFPs are tuned into this thread....and is what's mildly funny.
    But in the end, you really gotta just do whatever. If it works out, it works out. If not, not.

  5. #75
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    19

    Default

    Well I'd say this was a pretty productive day in the INFP classroom that is this thread and the Internet in general which I have almost finished fully reading. Beats the neuroimmunology I was supposed to look at (which by the way is a breeze compared to figuring out an INFP apparently)..until test time rolls around. But I prefer acing life's tests. Time for bed. Look forward to piecing together the info everyone has graciously provided me. I could not be more appreciative

  6. #76
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    868

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by xenaprincess View Post
    Self-protection mode is often the default setting installed at the infp factory.

    it's like we are little bunny rabbits., haha.
    Yeah… it’s downright ridiculous at times (but effective, even if overly so). Especially if sp is in our instinctual stacking.

    Quote Originally Posted by xenaprincess View Post
    The overthinking is completely up the INFP alley, which is why several INFPs are tuned into this thread....and is what's mildly funny.
    I think everything to death. To a bloody pulp.

  7. #77
    Member CreativeCait's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    MBTI
    PING
    Posts
    81

    Default

    Uh, its so hard to know what's going on here. These are just hypotheticals ofcourse, so keep in mind what XenaPrincess said...

    However hypotheticals are fun and yes endlessly interesting to INFPs! And are somewhat usefull to know everything that might be going on.

    Um, so the lack of romantic guesture. What does she have to loose as such?? Just that she paces herself way ahead of you. She sarts having deep feelings for you, but then it turns out all along you were just being friendly. I think what is more key here is the possibility that she is confused by you and her feelings for you and afraid of getting hurt. Then, a more typical romantic guesture from you would help clarify things.

    Back to Fi. If she hasn't sorted her own feelings out and she doesn't know where you are coming from, she has no idea how to act around you. She's so busy with what's going on inside that she can't engage properly with you. (Is this a date or not? Is he interested in friendship or dating? How do I feel about him? How does he feel about me? Am I interested in friendship or dating? If I go to this art show what are his expectations of me? How will this change things? What do I know about him? Can I see myself with him?) This can = disaster. Not going buys her some thinking time?? Maybe she's undecided and doesn't want to hurt you or herself.

  8. #78
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/sx
    Posts
    17,533

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by agentfurrina View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by INTJguy123 View Post
    What problem am I trying to solve? Honestly I'm trying to solve anything that is solvable haha. And what problem should I be focusing on?
    i think the INTJs should have a crack at this one. ENFPs use Te perhaps a bit differently when it comes to relationships...but what the hell do i know. i just think worrying about how to act around someone is a non-problem. you should always be yourself but perhaps that's bumper-sticker talk.
    Unfortunately, relationship problems do not lend themselves very well to our customary methods of solution. My gratuitous advice for INTJguy:

    Do not worry about how to act around this INFP socially, unless the purpose is to get what you want. This assumes you know what you want. Do you? Your goal might be to gain her affections, or simply to ensure you understand each other correctly. If the latter, this takes away much of the pressure, and risk. It might be especially necessary between two introverts, as you have observed.

    So, should you follow up with her now, or move on? If you move on and she's not really interested, no loss, but if she is, you would be missing out. If you do try again and she's not interested, her response should establish that definitively. If she is, however, you will be glad you did. It therefore seems worth the risk to contact her sometime before you leave for the summer. Start by just telling/reminding her of when you will be leaving, something you might do even just as a friend. Then level with her about wanting to know where you stand with her before you go. Make sure she understands the extent of your interest, and ask for a candid response. At least then you will know, and if her answer is "no", you can put it behind you and not have expectations lurking in the background all summer.

    Quote Originally Posted by mia_infp View Post
    Allright, that's it... no one hurts a sweet little adorably vulnerable INTJ and gets away with it on my watch. You want I should have .... a "talk".... with her? Say the word man....
    First, we are not "sweet little adorably vulnerable". What have you been smoking/drinking to cloud your perceptions so?

    Second, if an INTJ can't hold his own around an INFP or two, the INFP isn't the one needing a talk.

    Third, Eugene Onegin is no INTJ. He is far too foppish, aimless, shallow, described many places as a "spoiled and apathetic socialite". But that is for another thread.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  9. #79
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    868

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    First, we are not "sweet little adorably vulnerable".
    .


    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    Second, if an INTJ can't hold his own around an INFP or two, the INFP isn't the one needing a talk.
    .


    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    Third, Eugene Onegin is no INTJ. He is far too foppish, aimless, shallow, described many places as a "spoiled and apathetic socialite". But that is for another thread.
    I haven’t read any descriptions of him, but as for how the character was portrayed in the movie, he is definitely INTJ. An INTJ sx/sp is going to look very different from an INTJ of another flavor. The character in the movie is a stated introvert, he is NOT shallow and is very Ni in his ideas and individualistic detachment, Fi in his value and emotional expression, inferior Se paired with sx primary makes for chaotically carried out sensory appetites, and has blunt Te (and hardly any observable Fe). And to use your own description, an INTJ would make for a very apathetic socialite indeed, particularly with so missing from his stacking.

  10. #80
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Socionics
    IEI Ni
    Posts
    7,661

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by agentfurrina View Post
    in my opinion, the INFP gave a pretty clear message: she is in no rush to meet you halfway. who knows what her reasons are but text replies like "haha" and "yeah" are standard fare lukewarm responses.

    all you can do is decide how far you're wiling to take this. i see that you put your cards on the table (earlier than many INTJs i've known) and she didn't exactly respond enthusiastically. do you want to pursue someone who doesn't have the communication skills or certitude to respond to a red-blooded man's clear expression of interest?
    This is true to a point. I imagine she would've expressed more disappointment at canceling & hope to reschedule or do something in the future if she was really interested. The response does seem quite lukewarm & like she's not too eager to make sure you do eventually go on a date.

    I really hope she is not passively trying to turn you down... If you keep getting this kind of vague avoidance, then I'm pretty sure that's disinterest though.

    How old are you guys again? If the INFP is younger than mid 20s, than not being savvy in romance & sending unclear signals is not strange. INFPs can be overly modest & need to be hit over the head that someone is interested in them romantically. Sometimes they don't know how to respond when they realize someone actually is interested. It seems easier to "run" from it than deal with the reality of it; part of that is out of a fear of being "exposed". Other times it's an oversensitivity to others' feelings; how do you let them down easy? So there can be a genuine obliviousness to a young INFP & an unfortunate tendency for coyness when faced with rejecting someone...but also that this is grown out of by our 20s, or at least I'd expect that to be the case with most.

    It seems like the OP did make his romantic interest clear, after she canceled, that is. At first I can see how she may have thought it was just a friends hanging-out situation though. Maybe now she's confused, because maybe she had not considered romance a possibility before.

    I admit I had (and probably have) a tendency to just let someone pursue me until I'm finally cornered & must give a clear response. I'll be vague, just to "see what happens" because I'm not disinterested enough to close the door totally (which I would do swiftly & clearly if I was disinterested). BUT, if I AM interested from the beginning, then I'm more likely to make that clear, especially in a situation such as this. It's this grey area where I'm not sure how I feel about someone that leads me to be ambiguous with them. I usually have just enough curiosity to keep me from clearly turning them down. It's a Ne thing to be pulled in by "potential", and the slightest bit can keep you open to something enough to eventually be won over by it. This is the more passive version of the ENFP, who injects the potential & makes it develop themselves.

    Between you & me & everyone else here :P, you could probably exploit this aspect of INFPs. I'm pretty sure loads of INFPs end up with xSTJs because they doggedly pursue the INFP until she caves (more typical behavior of the xSTJ than xNTJ, IMO). You might not want to win someone over that way, but I think it's an option.... If she was really, really not interested in the tiniest bit, then I think that would be clear by now.

    My personal experience with INTJs is just that... I'm curious about them, just enough to go out a few times, but if doesn't begin to develop beyond a curiosity (which it never has thus far), then I lose interest. You have to squeeze every ounce of potential & make it work for you, then you must make sure some of that potential begins to manifest as a real connection. Then you will have caught the elusive, ambiguous INFP

    Please also keep in mind that the INFP is neither an extrovert nor a Fe type, and that you're not going to get openly flirty & gushy typical girl behavior. Every single guy I've ever dated has said something like, "I can't tell how you feel about me" within the first few weeks to month or so of dating. I probably seem very ice-queenish at first...that's just how it is. I'm slow to warm, and it seems this is not unusual for INFPs. However, I see the contrast in myself with my usual behavior, and part of that is a willingness to make time/effort to see someone when I'd otherwise be content to not socialize.

    Quote Originally Posted by INTJguy123 View Post
    Ok for curiosity's sake is there not a 3rd option of detaching and trying again in August? Assuming she is available. Or does that kind of thing just not happen

    And about the self protection...what is she protecting? It's only a first date, not a romantic venue and involves an activity. I don't understand why she wouldn't wanna try if remotely interested. There is something to gain possibly, but what is there to lose? We OBVIOUSLY enjoy each other's company enough to be friends at the very least. She wouldn't have to open up if she didnt want to. And given the fact that summer break is coming up, any negative outcome would easily diffuse during that time frame
    I generally think this is precisely what will motivate the typical INFP to go out with someone they are lukewarm about (as described above). I think a curiosity will generally conquer nervousness too, especially if it's not a total stranger. I wouldn't wait too long....just ask her when she's free again. I missed the point about waiting til August - why? That's a bad plan, IMO; you need to play on her curiosity NOW.

    It would really help if we knew her enneagram type. I do wonder if the 9, 6 & 5 type INFPs are possibly more guarded romantically than the 4, who I think is possibly the most risk-taking in romance. 9s seem like they fall faster though (?), but they may be passive about rejecting someone too (?). As a 4, I'm novelty-driven enough to have a "let's see what happens" attitude, but then have too high ideals that will make me lose interest shortly thereafter. 6s seem the most anxious/suspicious about the unknown. I'll over-analyze, but it tends to be positive speculation, imaging ridiculously good things. I rarely see "disaster". It's either interesting enough or not, and if it's interesting, then I think about how it could meet some ideal.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 7
    Last Post: 02-03-2013, 03:07 AM
  2. [INFJ] How to be in a relationship with an INFJ
    By janea in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 84
    Last Post: 07-09-2011, 05:31 AM
  3. [ENFP] In Love/Lust?? with an ENFP
    By EnflamedHeartofSand in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 04-30-2010, 03:35 AM
  4. INTJ trapped in the body of an ISTJ?
    By Curtis_Brandon in forum What's my Type?
    Replies: 24
    Last Post: 10-11-2008, 12:04 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO