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  1. #61
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    Quote Originally Posted by agentfurrina View Post
    the bold is what i'd say to something i've somehow objectified. like a basket of kittens or a malformed ashtray presented by a toddler...or a man whose interest will be kept at arm's length. but that's just an ENFP talkin. who knows whether the boiling depths of INFP passion find their external expression in "aww..."
    :
    Usually anything we say is more meaningful than what an ENFP says.

    Quote Originally Posted by agentfurrina View Post
    agreed, and bon chance, truly. the mechanics of introvert-on-introvert relationships are like watching a naked PGA tournament.

    (having said that, the sweetest marriage i know of is my INFP little sis and her INFJ hub. but they were friends for two years first, and talked about marriage when they finally got around to having their first date.)

    i should know, i was there.
    Interesting, because all the marriages I’ve seen personally/anecdotally where the couple reached the most impressive state of union were introvert/introvert.

    Quote Originally Posted by agentfurrina View Post
    aww...

    A basket of kittens?? Where??

  2. #62
    Unlimited Dancemoves ® AgentF's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mia_infp View Post
    Usually anything we say is more meaningful than what an ENFP says.



    Interesting, because all the marriages I’ve seen personally/anecdotally where the couple reached the most impressive state of union were introvert/introvert.



    A basket of kittens?? Where??
    how meaningful.
    I may be kindly, I am ordinarily gentle, but in my line of business I am obliged to will terribly what I will at all.
    ~ Catherine the Great


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  3. #63
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJguy123 View Post
    Ok so I'm not sure how to act if I see her around now. Leave her alone? Act like nothing happened? Send her a random text every now and then like I would with a friend? I'm not emotionally affected anymore so that's not an issue. Just don't know to react socially I guess. The only weird thing is that summer vacation is in 2 weeks and I'm going away the whole time (and this did come up after I asked what she was up to this summer).

    Just in case that she is interested, it would be nice to know before August whether a potential exists haha. Which is why I thought a casual date would be pretty harmless. I didn't make it out to be a romantic and huge deal or anything. Just wanted to explore her on a deeper level away from school on a nice Saturday afternoon. Don't really understand the whole self protect thing at this point. A first date seems pretty harmless in that regard in my viewpoint. What's the worst that could've happened? The summer break could've diffused even the most awkward and horrific date possible.

    PS I don't know if this matters, but after she said that she wasn't planning on doing anything this weekend, I just said "I think we should go out tomorrow". She seemed caught off guard (which I understand) and was like "yeah?" and I was like "yup..." and told her my plan. So technically I didn't "ask" so maybe she thought I was being arrogant or something?
    Uh, I dunno. So hard to know what's going on here...As I see it, taking into account your 2 week deadline and your advances so far, IMO there's really only 2 ways to proceed. Lay it all on the line so it's completely obvious or let it go. Depends on how important it is to you to pursue it and how vulnerable you feel you can be without getting emotionally crushed But what the hell, if you can recover from a crushing no and you won't see her again for a long time...why not put it all out there??

    You don't sound arrogant to me. It's possible she was caught off guard and went into "deer in headlights" mode, either because she's not interested, she's confused and conflicted about her own feelings or alternatively because she is interested. Given some time to process, and a more obvious advance she might give you a clearer answer as to whether she is interested or not.

    If you want to pursue her, don't leave her alone, act like nothing happened and treat her as a friend. That will send all the wrong signals! You want to show persistance and interest because she might still be making her mind up about you. If you don't want to pursue her, than do those things and it shouldn't be too awkward. All the best!

    ps: What is it exactly about self-protection that you don't understand??

  4. #64
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    Quote Originally Posted by CreativeCait View Post
    Uh, I dunno. So hard to know what's going on here...As I see it, taking into account your 2 week deadline and your advances so far, IMO there's really only 2 ways to proceed. Lay it all on the line so it's completely obvious or let it go. Depends on how important it is to you to pursue it and how vulnerable you feel you can be without getting emotionally crushed But what the hell, if you can recover from a crushing no and you won't see her again for a long time...why not put it all out there??

    You don't sound arrogant to me. It's possible she was caught off guard and went into "deer in headlights" mode, either because she's not interested, she's confused and conflicted about her own feelings or alternatively because she is interested. Given some time to process, and a more obvious advance she might give you a clearer answer as to whether she is interested or not.

    If you want to pursue her, don't leave her alone, act like nothing happened and treat her as a friend. That will send all the wrong signals! You want to show persistance and interest because she might still be making her mind up about you. If you don't want to pursue her, than do those things and it shouldn't be too awkward. All the best!

    ps: What is it exactly about self-protection that you don't understand??
    Ok for curiosity's sake is there not a 3rd option of detaching and trying again in August? Assuming she is available. Or does that kind of thing just not happen

    And about the self protection...what is she protecting? It's only a first date, not a romantic venue and involves an activity. I don't understand why she wouldn't wanna try if remotely interested. There is something to gain possibly, but what is there to lose? We OBVIOUSLY enjoy each other's company enough to be friends at the very least. She wouldn't have to open up if she didnt want to. And given the fact that summer break is coming up, any negative outcome would easily diffuse during that time frame

  5. #65
    Per Ardua Metamorphosis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJguy123 View Post
    SO I basically just wanted to right there and then make my intentions clear. I flat out texted back that I'm not gonna go to the festival alone and that I was more interested in spending time with her and learning more about her because I think she is incredibly interesting (in those words). She texted back "aw thats sweet" and suggested that I ask my roommate to go with me because she would hate to see me miss out. Then I said that he's not someone I would feel comfortable talking to about how pieces of art make me feel, I guess in an attempt to convey to her that I want to open myself to her, that she has earned my trust, and that my inner convictions are something I share very selectively. I followed the sentence with a "haha" to mask my pain and received the same 4 letters in return.
    I haven't read anything past this yet, so I don't know if it changed or not, but...

    I would have moved on after that. It seems like a pretty clear not interested sign to me. (Of course, you can take that with a grain of salt because I'm not awesome at reading people).

    Also, I never want to hear "aw, that's sweet" from anyone that I'm not already in a relationship with. You don't want to be her girlfriend.

    Still, at least you put yourself out there. Props for that.
    "You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit."

    Reason is, and ought only to be the slave of the passions, and can never pretend to any other office
    than to serve and obey them. - David Hume

  6. #66
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJguy123 View Post
    Ok for curiosity's sake is there not a 3rd option of detaching and trying again in August? Assuming she is available. Or does that kind of thing just not happen

    And about the self protection...what is she protecting? It's only a first date, not a romantic venue and involves an activity. I don't understand why she wouldn't wanna try if remotely interested. There is something to gain possibly, but what is there to lose? We OBVIOUSLY enjoy each other's company enough to be friends at the very least. She wouldn't have to open up if she didnt want to. And given the fact that summer break is coming up, any negative outcome would easily diffuse during that time frame
    I guess you could go for option 3 you never know. But if its not happening now, you might need to ask yourself what would really be different in 3 months time to make it? Also if things draw out too long, interest can be lost and you can end up in a messy friendzone with unspoken romantic feelings situation. If its a case of you havn't spent enough time together yet it may be a vaible option. Just leaves you in the dark is all.

    I think the self-preservation thing applies only if she has deep feelings for you already (which is entirely possible with INFPs) and if she viewed you encounter with the ENFP negatively and is worried you will engage her feelings, then casually exit. Our Fi is so intense that when this happens it is excruciatingly painful. I feel like some of us can become attached quickly and fall hard and fast for someone. This is bad when you don't know enough about the person's character and their feelings and intentions towards you. The way to mitigate against this is to not get overly engaged in the start and treat things lightly (amongst great inner confusion and turmoil). This ofcourse is entirely overthinking the situation, a level (or more) beyond "I like hanging out with this guy and this art festival sounds like fun". Yeah, we're deep....

  7. #67
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    Quote Originally Posted by Metamorphosis View Post
    I haven't read anything past this yet, so I don't know if it changed or not, but...

    I would have moved on after that. It seems like a pretty clear not interested sign to me. (Of course, you can take that with a grain of salt because I'm not awesome at reading people).

    Also, I never want to hear "aw, that's sweet" from anyone that I'm not already in a relationship with. You don't want to be her girlfriend.

    Still, at least you put yourself out there. Props for that.
    Haha believe me I shared your same exact thoughts, except moving on right away. Gonna try to be patient for a change

    And yeah the aw thats sweet absolutely sucks to hear...BUT for some reason I think there is a chance it may not be the kiss of death, particularly coming from an Fi dominant person. I actually spent quite a while reading a random thread I found on google about when girls say that to guys, and apparently a good portion say it to guys they're interested in. Surprised the heck out of me honestly, but I guess that's what differences in communication styles entails. Who knows

  8. #68
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    Quote Originally Posted by CreativeCait View Post
    I think the self-preservation thing applies only if she has deep feelings for you already (which is entirely possible with INFPs) and if she viewed you encounter with the ENFP negatively and is worried you will engage her feelings, then casually exit. Our Fi is so intense that when this happens it is excruciatingly painful. I feel like some of us can become attached quickly and fall hard and fast for someone. This is bad when you don't know enough about the person's character and their feelings and intentions towards you. The way to mitigate against this is to not get overly engaged in the start and treat things lightly (amongst great inner confusion and turmoil). This ofcourse is entirely overthinking the situation, a level (or more) beyond "I like hanging out with this guy and this art festival sounds like fun". Yeah, we're deep....
    Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeexactly.

    Some INFPs play fast and loose with their hearts. But some of us don't - we take precautions so that this doesn't happen. Unfortunately that often takes the form of once we have found someone we actually like - often a rarity - we become strenuous in the screening process from the get-go. These INFPs are extremely discriminating in the people they let in - it's extremely tied up in their Fi - so when they find one their dominant is engaged from almost the get-go and they go into lock down and secure the perimeter until the intruder has been identified and vetted.

  9. #69
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    Hahaha so true! I like the bunker metaphor

    I forgot to mention that the fact it was an incredibly casual invite might have put her off and sent of warning bells. If you went for a more typical romantic date invite like dinner and told her you were into her as more than friends it might clarify things and put her at ease as to where you are coming from. Wow, we can be a lot of work....but we are worth it!!!

  10. #70
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    About the enfp, in case I wasn't clear...I did talk to her at the bar for a long time. Nothing wrong with that. The infp didn't send me any signals whatsoever at the actual bar. And we had just talked for the first time only a few days before. Enfp, myself, and a small group of people left together for karaoke. I crashed at her place for logistical reasons (no ride). I don't think this is an issue at all. I haven't really talked to her since other than a few pleasantries here and there just to make sure I don't lead her on and of course to stay focused on infp. So please, no more mentioning of enfp...from...now...since I understand what you mean by the self protect mode.

    BUT...could self protect mode kick in when 1)you are strongly attracted to somebody but want to allow time to deal with said feelings 2)you have been hurt in the past 3)etc

    Just trying to understand this "mode" in a more generalized sense

    EDIT for creativecait. Ok if she was alarmed at the lack of romantic gesture then she would fall into the Interested category. In that case, why wouldn't she wanna try going and see what happens? If it turns out to be friendly, what does she lose? She hasn't put anything on the line.

    Also, if she is not interested, why not go out and show a lack of connection? And if I was dense enough to ignore this and ask her out again, then say no....with data this time. I mean, she already said yes so I've already been "led on" for the day. The date should only make her more comfortable because the lack of chemistry should tell the story to me. She cancels but doesn't make it clear where I stand, thus prolonging the period where I'm "led on". It just doesn't make sense

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