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  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by xenaprincess View Post
    oh yes, I got that your roommate is a guy. I mean... she deflected your invitation.

    Sometimes, as an INFP, I have trouble with someone being so direct, and I could see myself deflecting someone out of self-protection. Maybe that's the case? But again, we can't read her mind....and we can't pretend to know.

    You never know what the other person is thinking or what they're going through. Maybe you caught her in a moment of self-pity and she's consumed with feeling lousy about herself? Or maybe as Earthtrekker says, she needs a little time? I hope that's the case.
    Oh ok I see what you're saying. Definitely seems like deflection. The only other thing I can think of is maybe it was her way of trying to get me to be more open about my overall intentions and why exactly I wanted to go out with her and why art? Because seriously, she had to have known that I would be like WTF at the thought of going with my roommate

    Quote Originally Posted by mia_infp View Post
    I'm baffled. Really. As stated in my earlier post, though, most INFPs don't throw out those kind of signals lightly, so if the signals stopped or waned after that night at the bar seeing you pay attention to and leave with another girl despite her signals, some application of my earlier hypothetical reasoning might indeed stand. In that event, you're probably going to have to address it in some way in order to fix it, because self-protection mode likely set-in. Otherwise, if she's genuinely not interested, try to find someone not dense enough to let an opportunity like such a discriminating guy directly stating his intentions go by. You risk catching a bad case of stupid from her otherwise.
    The signals only increased after that night haha. Or so I thought. Who knows

    Quote Originally Posted by earthtrekker1775 View Post
    I read your first post and your last post. My opinion follows.

    Don't admit defeat just yet. She now knows you are interested, however, she may be suspicious about your intentions. If she is and has been interested in you she undoubtedly noticed you went home with the enfp that night at the bar. If she is friends with said enfp she may be avoiding you if her friend is attracted to you. If she does not know the enfp, she may be concerned that the enfp was a conquest and she doesn't want to get involved in a fling. Do give her a bit of time and space if she needs it, don't push her on the issue. Just continue being honest, friendly and open with her. After a bit of time if she still gives you the cold shoulder, she may need to know that you didn't involve yourself with the enfp because of your interest in her, or she may not interested in you and you misread the signs. At that point, ask her if that is the case and what you can do about it (only do this if you are really pursuing a meaningful relationship with her or else you are wasting both your time). If she doesn't give you a chance, leave her alone and stay out of the friendzone. Good luck in grad school!
    Thanks but I'm confident the ENFP thing didn't end up factoring into the equation. I've been pretty obvious with my attentions afterwards as well


    Oh well, we'll see what happens. I'm not very eager about this anymore. I put myself out there and am proud of my actions..no regrets.

  2. #42
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    Obviously I'm not her, so I can't tell you what she's thinking but this might be relevant to the INFP personality type.

    For myself, when I'm interested in someone I watch them closely to try and see what kind of person they are. This is why I hang back at the start. I want them to truly reveal who they are to me when they think I'm not interested. Eg: if I showed a lot of initial interest they would try to present their best selves and mask the bits of themselves they don't want others to see. I know, its weird...I don't even know that its really effective...

    Anyways, if I was in this stage and I saw the guy I was interested in a) not talk to me or make a move and b) hook up with another girl I would be discouraged. I would assume a) that his feelings were not that strong for me b) that he's not looking for a serious relationship c) that we have different values so it might not work out. I should also add that competition completely turns me off.

    In my further interactions with this guy, I would not take him seriously and question whether he was deeply genuinely interested or looking for fun only. I would treat any advances lightly because I don't want to get hurt by him. I might feel incredibly confused and conflicted. I would be looking for signs as to what his true intentions were with me.

    As I see it, there's still a chance and opportunity. I wouldn't give up on it just yet. She gave you her number and she didn't flat out say no. Personally, if I got the msgs from you and I wasn't interested I would have flat out told you (kindly) because I wouldn't want to hurt your feeings or lead you on. Also she has no idea you are serious about her and looking for more than just 'fun'. I think she needs to feel safe, that she can trust you and that you will handle her heart well. I would wait a bit and then try again making it more obvious.

    When a guy tells me all the reasons they are into me, why they think I'm special and what they want from me (to get to know me, to get close to me, how they are serious about me) I melt
    At that point I'd definately agree to a date if I was into them.

    ps: she might have felt bad (Fi) that you had to go alone and mentioned your housemate going with you to ease that feeling, even though it was a weird thing to say. I've done similarly awkward social things because my Fi was making me uncomfortable. She might have felt better knowing she wasn't preventing you from doing something you loved because she couldn't do it with you. And was comforted by the fact that you wouldn't be lonely and if you didn't go that it wouldn't be her fault.
    Likes Lia_kat liked this post

  3. #43
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    As a fellow INTJ, just from personal experience, I have had better runs with ENFPs than INFPs.

  4. #44
    yap yap yap xenaprincess's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kevinlivecomau View Post
    As a fellow INTJ, just from personal experience, I have had better runs with ENFPs than INFPs.
    ENFP's are more direct and better verbal communicators. I can see how INFPs are difficult to read because there is so much going on inside (some of it very confused!)

  5. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by CreativeCait View Post
    Obviously I'm not her, so I can't tell you what she's thinking but this might be relevant to the INFP personality type.

    For myself, when I'm interested in someone I watch them closely to try and see what kind of person they are. This is why I hang back at the start. I want them to truly reveal who they are to me when they think I'm not interested. Eg: if I showed a lot of initial interest they would try to present their best selves and mask the bits of themselves they don't want others to see. I know, its weird...I don't even know that its really effective...

    Anyways, if I was in this stage and I saw the guy I was interested in a) not talk to me or make a move and b) hook up with another girl I would be discouraged. I would assume a) that his feelings were not that strong for me b) that he's not looking for a serious relationship c) that we have different values so it might not work out. I should also add that competition completely turns me off.

    In my further interactions with this guy, I would not take him seriously and question whether he was deeply genuinely interested or looking for fun only. I would treat any advances lightly because I don't want to get hurt by him. I might feel incredibly confused and conflicted. I would be looking for signs as to what his true intentions were with me.

    As I see it, there's still a chance and opportunity. I wouldn't give up on it just yet. She gave you her number and she didn't flat out say no. Personally, if I got the msgs from you and I wasn't interested I would have flat out told you (kindly) because I wouldn't want to hurt your feeings or lead you on. Also she has no idea you are serious about her and looking for more than just 'fun'. I think she needs to feel safe, that she can trust you and that you will handle her heart well. I would wait a bit and then try again making it more obvious.

    When a guy tells me all the reasons they are into me, why they think I'm special and what they want from me (to get to know me, to get close to me, how they are serious about me) I melt
    At that point I'd definately agree to a date if I was into them.

    ps: she might have felt bad (Fi) that you had to go alone and mentioned your housemate going with you to ease that feeling, even though it was a weird thing to say. I've done similarly awkward social things because my Fi was making me uncomfortable. She might have felt better knowing she wasn't preventing you from doing something you loved because she couldn't do it with you. And was comforted by the fact that you wouldn't be lonely and if you didn't go that it wouldn't be her fault.
    This is a great post and all extremely accurate.

    It’s hard to know what is going on. I’m very proud of you for putting yourself out there. Please don’t let it dissuade you from INFPs... they have many strengths to compensate for their shyness and annoyingly enigmatic disposition, often including deep loyalty, vivid inner worlds that their most trusted get to see, and understanding, and each one is very different.

    If case studies would prove helpful, Liv Tyler plays an INFP (sx/sp) who goes into self-protection mode at the end of the movie Onegin (conveniently opposite an INTJ).






  6. #46
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    *is going to have to check this thread out -- looks like gold...*

  7. #47
    Wake, See, Sing, Dance Cellmold's Avatar
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    Im going to have to watch Onegin thanks to @mia_infp.
    'One of (Lucas) Cranach's masterpieces, discussed by (Joseph) Koerner, is in it's self-referentiality the perfect expression of left-hemisphere emptiness and a precursor of post-modernism. There is no longer anything to point to beyond, nothing Other, so it points pointlessly to itself.' - Iain McGilChrist

    Suppose a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
    "Suppose it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought.
    Piglet was comforted by this.
    - A.A. Milne.

  8. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by AffirmitiveAnxiety View Post
    Im going to have to watch Onegin thanks to @mia_infp.
    It's a great movie, very well done. Provides great character examples of INFP sx/sp and INTJ sx/sp, as well as various S types.

  9. #49
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    Ok so I'm not sure how to act if I see her around now. Leave her alone? Act like nothing happened? Send her a random text every now and then like I would with a friend? I'm not emotionally affected anymore so that's not an issue. Just don't know to react socially I guess. The only weird thing is that summer vacation is in 2 weeks and I'm going away the whole time (and this did come up after I asked what she was up to this summer).

    Just in case that she is interested, it would be nice to know before August whether a potential exists haha. Which is why I thought a casual date would be pretty harmless. I didn't make it out to be a romantic and huge deal or anything. Just wanted to explore her on a deeper level away from school on a nice Saturday afternoon. Don't really understand the whole self protect thing at this point. A first date seems pretty harmless in that regard in my viewpoint. What's the worst that could've happened? The summer break could've diffused even the most awkward and horrific date possible.

    PS I don't know if this matters, but after she said that she wasn't planning on doing anything this weekend, I just said "I think we should go out tomorrow". She seemed caught off guard (which I understand) and was like "yeah?" and I was like "yup..." and told her my plan. So technically I didn't "ask" so maybe she thought I was being arrogant or something?

  10. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJguy123 View Post
    PS I don't know if this matters, but after she said that she wasn't planning on doing anything this weekend, I just said "I think we should go out tomorrow". She seemed caught off guard (which I understand) and was like "yeah?" and I was like "yup..." and told her my plan. So technically I didn't "ask" so maybe she thought I was being arrogant or something?
    Of course the “everyone is different” caveat applies, but FWIW I wouldn’t worry about this part. I actually strongly prefer this style. My husband “asked” me out using this style, hehe. It’s very TJ and direct and yummytastic.

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