OK FINALLY an update. Things have been going slow. We've continued studying together off and on for the past few weeks. I've had trouble processing the intensity of how I feel and fully being myself when around her. We have had some moments of good conversation and then it would get a super quiet, I guess due to my attraction for her (which I have confirmed is real as well as strong) and hopefully hers for me? The whole time I have just wanted to tell her how awesome she is.
After thinking and thinking about how I should approach the situation, I finally just asked her if she had any plans this weekend, she said no, I asked out her for tomorrow, she said yes although she didn't seem too excited but I figured she maybe was trying to keep hidden how she felt about it. Keep it mind that I haven't verbally told her how I feel about her or anything yet as I was hoping to maybe try that on the actual date
After I get her number, I text her a few hours after she left and asked if she was feeling any better (because she told me she had a headache earlier). She texted back yes thanks...and that she had to cancel on me because of a friend's going away party (I asked her out to a local outdoor art festival in town + food)...but she said she hopes I have fun (which I found ridiculous that she thought I would actually go to something like this by myself and was surprised that she didn't get that I wanted her company first and foremost and wanted to do something "special" other than dinner and a movie etc).
SO I basically just wanted to right there and then make my intentions clear. I flat out texted back that I'm not gonna go to the festival alone and that I was more interested in spending time with her and learning more about her because I think she is incredibly interesting (in those words). She texted back "aw thats sweet" and suggested that I ask my roommate to go with me because she would hate to see me miss out. Then I said that he's not someone I would feel comfortable talking to about how pieces of art make me feel, I guess in an attempt to convey to her that I want to open myself to her, that she has earned my trust, and that my inner convictions are something I share very selectively. I followed the sentence with a "haha" to mask my pain and received the same 4 letters in return.
...I just don't know what happened and feel terrible...