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  1. #31
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    OK FINALLY an update. Things have been going slow. We've continued studying together off and on for the past few weeks. I've had trouble processing the intensity of how I feel and fully being myself when around her. We have had some moments of good conversation and then it would get a super quiet, I guess due to my attraction for her (which I have confirmed is real as well as strong) and hopefully hers for me? The whole time I have just wanted to tell her how awesome she is.

    After thinking and thinking about how I should approach the situation, I finally just asked her if she had any plans this weekend, she said no, I asked out her for tomorrow, she said yes although she didn't seem too excited but I figured she maybe was trying to keep hidden how she felt about it. Keep it mind that I haven't verbally told her how I feel about her or anything yet as I was hoping to maybe try that on the actual date

    After I get her number, I text her a few hours after she left and asked if she was feeling any better (because she told me she had a headache earlier). She texted back yes thanks...and that she had to cancel on me because of a friend's going away party (I asked her out to a local outdoor art festival in town + food)...but she said she hopes I have fun (which I found ridiculous that she thought I would actually go to something like this by myself and was surprised that she didn't get that I wanted her company first and foremost and wanted to do something "special" other than dinner and a movie etc).

    SO I basically just wanted to right there and then make my intentions clear. I flat out texted back that I'm not gonna go to the festival alone and that I was more interested in spending time with her and learning more about her because I think she is incredibly interesting (in those words). She texted back "aw thats sweet" and suggested that I ask my roommate to go with me because she would hate to see me miss out. Then I said that he's not someone I would feel comfortable talking to about how pieces of art make me feel, I guess in an attempt to convey to her that I want to open myself to her, that she has earned my trust, and that my inner convictions are something I share very selectively. I followed the sentence with a "haha" to mask my pain and received the same 4 letters in return.

    ...I just don't know what happened and feel terrible...

  2. #32
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJguy123 View Post
    OK FINALLY an update. Things have been going slow. We've continued studying together off and on for the past few weeks. I've had trouble processing the intensity of how I feel and fully being myself when around her. We have had some moments of good conversation and then it would get a super quiet, I guess due to my attraction for her (which I have confirmed is real as well as strong) and hopefully hers for me? The whole time I have just wanted to tell her how awesome she is.

    After thinking and thinking about how I should approach the situation, I finally just asked her if she had any plans this weekend, she said no, I asked out her for tomorrow, she said yes although she didn't seem too excited but I figured she maybe was trying to keep hidden how she felt about it. Keep it mind that I haven't verbally told her how I feel about her or anything yet as I was hoping to maybe try that on the actual date

    After I get her number, I text her a few hours after she left and asked if she was feeling any better (because she told me she had a headache earlier). She texted back yes thanks...and that she had to cancel on me because of a friend's going away party (I asked her out to a local outdoor art festival in town + food)...but she said she hopes I have fun (which I found ridiculous that she thought I would actually go to something like this by myself and was surprised that she didn't get that I wanted her company first and foremost and wanted to do something "special" other than dinner and a movie etc).

    SO I basically just wanted to right there and then make my intentions clear. I flat out texted back that I'm not gonna go to the festival alone and that I was more interested in spending time with her and learning more about her because I think she is incredibly interesting (in those words). She texted back "aw thats sweet" and suggested that I ask my roommate to go with me because she would hate to see me miss out. Then I said that he's not someone I would feel comfortable talking to about how pieces of art make me feel, I guess in an attempt to convey to her that I want to open myself to her, that she has earned my trust, and that my inner convictions are something I share very selectively. I followed the sentence with a "haha" to mask my pain and received the same 4 letters in return.

    ...I just don't know what happened and feel terrible...
    Take the ENFP off the back burner.

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    Take the ENFP off the back burner.
    Huh? I haven't talked to the ENFP since that night, other than an occasional hello. Not interested in her at all in a romantic way...figured that out after a few days

  4. #34
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJguy123 View Post
    Huh? I haven't talked to the ENFP since that night, other than an occasional hello. Not interested in her at all in a romantic way...figured that out after a few days
    That was just my way of saying...something doesn't sit well with me with regards to her response to you asking her out (geez so serious). I'll let you talk with the INFPs now.

  5. #35
    yap yap yap xenaprincess's Avatar
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    oh! how strange?!
    when you were studying with each other you were studying...with each other? it was just the two of you?

    hm. I think since she texted about your roommate, I don't feel it's a good sign. I hate to say that. I can only infer it because...women tend to read subtext very easily, whereas guys tend to need more walloping on the head.

    On the other hand, who knows? Maybe she needs a little time. But I prefer to err on the side of caution because I know from 1st hand experience that holding a torch for someone is pretty much the most painful thing you can do to yourself.

    I'm so sorry. I wish I could give you a hug.

    I think you're great. You have great values and you're looking for something and someone real. Keep doing that and you will find that person. I know that sounds very hollow at this time, but it's true. If you can, please tell yourself that you'll be okay (which you will be). I hope you see this experience as a good thing, and the next time will be easier. And the time after that.

    I know that this is a grey area and INTJ's dislike grey area like the plague. But if you can possibly do it, please don't ask or text her anything tonight. Go out, run 3 miles in bare feet, go watch a movie, anything. Because if she does need a little time, your texting her would be bad. And if she doesn't need a little time, your texting would also be bad.

  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by xenaprincess View Post
    oh! how strange?!
    when you were studying with each other you were studying...with each other? it was just the two of you?

    hm. I think since she texted about your roommate, I don't feel it's a good sign. I hate to say that. I can only infer it because...women tend to read subtext very easily, whereas guys tend to need more walloping on the head.

    On the other hand, who knows? Maybe she needs a little time. But I prefer to err on the side of caution because I know from 1st hand experience that holding a torch for someone is pretty much the most painful thing you can do to yourself.

    I'm so sorry. I wish I could give you a hug.

    I think you're great. You have great values and you're looking for something and someone real. Keep doing that and you will find that person. I know that sounds very hollow at this time, but it's true. If you can, please tell yourself that you'll be okay (which you will be). I hope you see this experience as a good thing, and the next time will be easier. And the time after that.

    I know that this is a grey area and INTJ's dislike grey area like the plague. But if you can possibly do it, please don't ask or text her anything tonight. Go out, run 3 miles in bare feet, go watch a movie, anything. Because if she does need a little time, your texting her would be bad. And if she doesn't need a little time, your texting would also be bad.
    I'm not sure I understand your comment about my roommate and the whole subtext thing. Maybe I wasn't clear, but my roommate is a guy. Thanks for the input!

  7. #37
    Senior Member Tiger Owl's Avatar
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    I read your first post and your last post. My opinion follows.

    Don't admit defeat just yet. She now knows you are interested, however, she may be suspicious about your intentions. If she is and has been interested in you she undoubtedly noticed you went home with the enfp that night at the bar. If she is friends with said enfp she may be avoiding you if her friend is attracted to you. If she does not know the enfp, she may be concerned that the enfp was a conquest and she doesn't want to get involved in a fling. Do give her a bit of time and space if she needs it, don't push her on the issue. Just continue being honest, friendly and open with her. After a bit of time if she still gives you the cold shoulder, she may need to know that you didn't involve yourself with the enfp because of your interest in her, or she may not interested in you and you misread the signs. At that point, ask her if that is the case and what you can do about it (only do this if you are really pursuing a meaningful relationship with her or else you are wasting both your time). If she doesn't give you a chance, leave her alone and stay out of the friendzone. Good luck in grad school!
    INTJ 5w4 sx/sp 584 ILI-Ni

  8. #38
    yap yap yap xenaprincess's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJguy123 View Post
    I'm not sure I understand your comment about my roommate and the whole subtext thing. Maybe I wasn't clear, but my roommate is a guy. Thanks for the input!
    oh yes, I got that your roommate is a guy. I mean... she deflected your invitation.

    Sometimes, as an INFP, I have trouble with someone being so direct, and I could see myself deflecting someone out of self-protection. Maybe that's the case? But again, we can't read her mind....and we can't pretend to know.

    You never know what the other person is thinking or what they're going through. Maybe you caught her in a moment of self-pity and she's consumed with feeling lousy about herself? Or maybe as Earthtrekker says, she needs a little time? I hope that's the case.

  9. #39
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    I'm baffled. Really. As stated in my earlier post, though, most INFPs don't throw out those kind of signals lightly, so if the signals stopped or waned after that night at the bar seeing you pay attention to and leave with another girl despite her signals, some application of my earlier hypothetical reasoning might indeed stand. In that event, you're probably going to have to address it in some way in order to fix it, because self-protection mode likely set-in. Otherwise, if she's genuinely not interested, try to find someone not dense enough to let an opportunity like such a discriminating guy directly stating his intentions go by. You risk catching a bad case of stupid from her otherwise.

  10. #40
    Senior Member Tiger Owl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mia_infp View Post
    You risk catching a bad case of stupid from her otherwise.
    And penicillin don't cure stupid.
    INTJ 5w4 sx/sp 584 ILI-Ni

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