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  1. #21
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
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    When you say that you've studied with INFP, what did this entail? Did you talk to each other at all? How did the studying come about? I would have to understand what kind of exchanges you've had so far to feel good about giving my opinion on how you should approach her. Direct is nice, but totally out of left field AND direct can throw someone off, specially shy INFP.

    The good thing is that most INFP's can extract quite a bit from minimal interaction, enough to fill their heads for days. The bad thing is that if your INFP has done this and was then confronted with a reality where she made herself more available to you and you not only didn't take the opportunity but also spent the night chatting up ENFP, it could be a harsh blow. She may have mentally put a break on any potential you had. I'd provide new info to her that shows you are still interested, and pretty quick like Marmie said.
    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

  2. #22
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    Thanks xenaprincess, your words are increasing my confidence. As an INTJ I am 100% confident in absolutely everything in life...except for..FEMALES! And I think you have picked up on that so thanks for the encouragement. The funniest part of all this is how crazy my rational brain thinks I'm being right now. The main reason that I think that she's into me is because she's acting like she's NOT into me. Makes my Ni-Te chuckle and tell me I'm delusional. My Fi is saying F that, trust in me only. Any other time I would go with my logical self, but taking a chance on this girl is absolutely worth demolishing my ego over. This would be the first time I would do something like this with such low confidence (read: anything less than 100% haha). Anyways, whenever you had idealized crushes on guys and appeared unapproachable, were you hoping they would secretly see past this exterior and just approach you? Would that have been impressive because it shows that the guy had a strong enough intuitive connection to "read your mind/feelings"? And what exactly is an idealized crush? Is that what I have right now? Btw I feel ridonkulous using the word "crush" at age 26

    mia_infp, much thanks for the lengthy and well thought out post. As far as the INFP that night, she was not acting very approachable so I hope that she doesn't feel like she put herself out there and was rejected. Hopefully

    One huge thing that I just thought of! Isn't it pretty random that the ENFP approaches me like the week after she had likely seen me around the INFP? I'm now thinking that she felt the pressure to compete. Because believe me, this was out of NOWHERE and she was being very bold (even for an ENFP). SO, if someone as socially inept realizes this possibility, I'm thinking that the INFP could realize this too. Could she be thinking "hmm...this guy has been paying attention to me suddenly and now this other girl is trying to get him for herself! What is he supposed to do, just ignore her? There's nothing wrong with him just talking to her". I'm very interested in what you guys think about this, even if it's just for curiosity's sake since there's likely little practical use of figuring it out

  3. #23
    yap yap yap xenaprincess's Avatar
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    It is difficult to reason out why people do what they do. You can't know, unless you ask them. So trying to figure out the reasons for the ENFP is not worth the time. She could have felt sociable that night and and it had nothing to do with you.

    In my crushes, I never wished really wished the fella would approach me. I didn't have ideas about 'us together'. It was more about elevating these people onto pedestals (good lord). I idealized certain fellas for their artistic talent and a physical attraction. It had nothing to do with me or how they treated me, whether they were even good people. They could have been axe murderers.

    Sounds like you're the one with the crush :-) Try to get to know her more. The more you think about it, the more scary it becomes.

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJguy123 View Post
    Thanks xenaprincess, your words are increasing my confidence. As an INTJ I am 100% confident in absolutely everything in life...except for..FEMALES! And I think you have picked up on that so thanks for the encouragement. The funniest part of all this is how crazy my rational brain thinks I'm being right now. The main reason that I think that she's into me is because she's acting like she's NOT into me. Makes my Ni-Te chuckle and tell me I'm delusional. My Fi is saying F that, trust in me only. Any other time I would go with my logical self, but taking a chance on this girl is absolutely worth demolishing my ego over. This would be the first time I would do something like this with such low confidence (read: anything less than 100% haha). Anyways, whenever you had idealized crushes on guys and appeared unapproachable, were you hoping they would secretly see past this exterior and just approach you? Would that have been impressive because it shows that the guy had a strong enough intuitive connection to "read your mind/feelings"? And what exactly is an idealized crush? Is that what I have right now? Btw I feel ridonkulous using the word "crush" at age 26

    mia_infp, much thanks for the lengthy and well thought out post. As far as the INFP that night, she was not acting very approachable so I hope that she doesn't feel like she put herself out there and was rejected. Hopefully

    One huge thing that I just thought of! Isn't it pretty random that the ENFP approaches me like the week after she had likely seen me around the INFP? I'm now thinking that she felt the pressure to compete. Because believe me, this was out of NOWHERE and she was being very bold (even for an ENFP). SO, if someone as socially inept realizes this possibility, I'm thinking that the INFP could realize this too. Could she be thinking "hmm...this guy has been paying attention to me suddenly and now this other girl is trying to get him for herself! What is he supposed to do, just ignore her? There's nothing wrong with him just talking to her". I'm very interested in what you guys think about this, even if it's just for curiosity's sake since there's likely little practical use of figuring it out
    I don’t know if other INFPs are this way, but the following is what goes on with me. I don’t withdraw (I don’t withdraw consciously anyway… it’s just something that seems to happen as a protective mechanism) in order to test whether he can read my mind. It’s not about whether he knows what is going on in my head – it’s about what is going on in his. If I withdraw, and take out that variable, in my mind his behavior will then be more pure, and will show his actual heart and intent. If he approaches, he must really like me, and it is safe to like him as well. It’s not something I’m creating or forcing, and thus might not be real.

    In terms of what the INFP thought of the ENFP’s behavior, I have no idea. What has been said by others in terms of paying special attention/priority to her and being careful not to give the impression you’re into other women is good advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by xenaprincess View Post
    In my crushes, I never wished really wished the fella would approach me. I didn't have ideas about 'us together'. It was more about elevating these people onto pedestals (good lord). I idealized certain fellas for their artistic talent and a physical attraction. It had nothing to do with me or how they treated me, whether they were even good people. They could have been axe murderers.
    .
    Hmm. That’s interesting, because I’m the opposite. Perhaps our tritypes and/or instinctual stackings are different? I’m always very realistic in the selection of my crushes. I won’t crush on someone unless I see real potential for “us together.” In fact that’s what usually propels it into a crush. If the attraction is not returned for example, the crush will quickly wither on my part. Therefore I do want him to approach me, so I know to allow my feelings to grow, since I value myself too much to pine away for someone who doesn’t return my feelings. And character/morals/integrity, or the belief that they possess/strive for these, is an absolute must in order for a crush to develop.

    I also have a strange ability to similarly put them on a pedestal, but not in the same way. I am not blind to the crush’s flaws. I fully see the flaws, but see them as beautiful and wonderful regardless because I see everything else. I have a realistic optimism/appreciation of the whole package. The pedestal part is constancy in seeing their goodness and praiseworthiness despite the rough edges.

  5. #25
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJguy123 View Post
    One huge thing that I just thought of! Isn't it pretty random that the ENFP approaches me like the week after she had likely seen me around the INFP? I'm now thinking that she felt the pressure to compete. Because believe me, this was out of NOWHERE and she was being very bold (even for an ENFP).
    While NFs may hold themselves to ridiculous standards...we are not all that competitive (as a group) with others. In fact, for most of us, our 'default setting' is to defer to others...(which often becomes a point of frustration for us for even if we would like to abandon this 'automatic response' we find we cannot)...and ENFPs are no exception to this. In other words...I highly doubt the ENFP had somehow noticed your interest in the INFP and was subsquently 'competing for your affections'. So when you say..."Isn't it pretty random that the ENFP..." you need to stop right there. ENFPs are random...that is all. Had she actually noticed you taking interest in the INFP she would have found some other 'fish to play with'.

    SO, if someone as socially inept realizes this possibility, I'm thinking that the INFP could realize this too. Could she be thinking "hmm...this guy has been paying attention to me suddenly and now this other girl is trying to get him for herself! What is he supposed to do, just ignore her? There's nothing wrong with him just talking to her". I'm very interested in what you guys think about this, even if it's just for curiosity's sake since there's likely little practical use of figuring it out.
    Do you know who FireShield is on this site yet? I think it is important to anticipate possible obstacles and outcomes...and make a few allowances for those in our minds...but there does come a time when we have to stop thinking and start acting. Don't take this to the point where you are attempting to think for her. I had an Ni dom do this to me and it was the downfall to our relationship (as he missed the mark by a long-shot). Be brave and take the time to actually find out what she thinks - from her. She is her own person with her own thoughts that you cannot access without her assistance and she deserves to be treated accordingly.

  6. #26
    Let me count the ways Betty Blue's Avatar
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    Are you fireshields friend?
    "We knew he was someone who had a tragic flaw, that's where his greatness came from"

  7. #27
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    One important thing to note is Nfps are some of the most understanding people ever. If someone we like approaches us awkwardly we'll just think its adorable and like you all the more so I wouldn't worry about it.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  8. #28
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    Haha yeah I realize that some of my questions are ridiculous and did not mean to imply that the answers would be useful in the real world. Rest assured that my behavior will be based on actual interactions, and i am 100% about open communication and would not belittle her values and individuality by thinking for her. I'm just a curious dude that loves any and all information and considering all possibilities. I guess I'm just trying to extract as much as I can from what I know (next to little; hello Ni) in order to boost my confidence

    Thanks for the advice and putting up with my absolute ridiculousness haha. I'll keep everyone posted as to how this goes

    Edit: LadyX, glad to hear that!!

  9. #29
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJguy123 View Post
    I'm just a curious dude that loves any and all information and considering all possibilities. I guess I'm just trying to extract as much as I can from what I know (next to little; hello Ni) in order to boost my confidence
    That's awesome INTJguy. But I think it is important to remember that information...is information...and while it can certainly assist us in making decisions and help us 'look like we know what we are doing' haha...it just isn't where confidence comes from. It really isn't (believe me...I'm NOT talking above you here. I fall into these same kinds of traps). Confidence comes from knowing your own strengths and awesomeness...and knowing that you can handle what comes your way because you know you are a strong and worthy human being...(whoa am I sounding NF cheesy right now? - but I do mean what I say). I'm wishing you the best of everything.

  10. #30
    yap yap yap xenaprincess's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    That's awesome INTJguy. But I think it is important to remember that information...is information...and while it can certainly assist us in making decisions and help us 'look like we know what we are doing' haha...it just isn't where confidence comes from. It really isn't (believe me...I'm NOT talking above you here. I fall into these same kinds of traps). Confidence comes from knowing your own strengths and awesomeness...and knowing that you can handle what comes your way because you know you are a strong and worthy human being...(whoa am I sounding NF cheesy right now? - but I do mean what I say). I'm wishing you the best of everything.

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