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  1. #11
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    Thanks everyone for the responses, they were very helpful and have made me realize that this situation is not as complex as I'm making it out to be

    At this point I just don't know how exactly to show the INFP I like her. I feel like asking her out at this point would be way too early, and that she may want to know more about me to feel comfortable enough to want to give it a shot. Even if she said yes, I would prefer to work out the nervousness of our interaction before an official date. But then again, I don't wanna play things too slow. I'm literally getting 0 feedback and that's the issue here, it's just a wild guess as to what I need to do

    But here is one thing that I am afraid of...what if the INFP has noticed the increased friendly attention the ENFP has been giving me, and the INFP thinks that I'm rushing things with her so I can use the ENFP as a backup if it fails? Does that make sense? This is not the case by the way to answer one of the previous posters. You have to realize that I am an INTJ and I have no idea what I am doing in a situation like this haha. I don't know how I feel about the ENFP but our connection was real. I feel more strongly about the INFP but our connection has yet to be made but my gut tells me it will be successful..and this sounds absolutely ridiculous to me

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJguy123 View Post
    Thanks everyone for the responses, they were very helpful and have made me realize that this situation is not as complex as I'm making it out to be

    At this point I just don't know how exactly to show the INFP I like her. I feel like asking her out at this point would be way too early, and that she may want to know more about me to feel comfortable enough to want to give it a shot. Even if she said yes, I would prefer to work out the nervousness of our interaction before an official date. But then again, I don't wanna play things too slow. I'm literally getting 0 feedback and that's the issue here, it's just a wild guess as to what I need to do

    But here is one thing that I am afraid of...what if the INFP has noticed the increased friendly attention the ENFP has been giving me, and the INFP thinks that I'm rushing things with her so I can use the ENFP as a backup if it fails? Does that make sense? This is not the case by the way to answer one of the previous posters. You have to realize that I am an INTJ and I have no idea what I am doing in a situation like this haha. I don't know how I feel about the ENFP but our connection was real. I feel more strongly about the INFP but our connection has yet to be made but my gut tells me it will be successful..and this sounds absolutely ridiculous to me
    It doesn't sound ridiculous at all.

    Just reserving a spot for a comment. I'll be back when I have more time.

  3. #13
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJguy123 View Post
    Thanks everyone for the responses, they were very helpful and have made me realize that this situation is not as complex as I'm making it out to be

    At this point I just don't know how exactly to show the INFP I like her. I feel like asking her out at this point would be way too early, and that she may want to know more about me to feel comfortable enough to want to give it a shot. Even if she said yes, I would prefer to work out the nervousness of our interaction before an official date. But then again, I don't wanna play things too slow. I'm literally getting 0 feedback and that's the issue here, it's just a wild guess as to what I need to do

    But here is one thing that I am afraid of...what if the INFP has noticed the increased friendly attention the ENFP has been giving me, and the INFP thinks that I'm rushing things with her so I can use the ENFP as a backup if it fails? Does that make sense? This is not the case by the way to answer one of the previous posters. You have to realize that I am an INTJ and I have no idea what I am doing in a situation like this haha. I don't know how I feel about the ENFP but our connection was real. I feel more strongly about the INFP but our connection has yet to be made but my gut tells me it will be successful..and this sounds absolutely ridiculous to me
    You're over-thinking it. Find out some activity the INFP takes pleasure in (going to a solarium, a museum, the movies, a favorite restaurant) and just ask her to join you.

    Done.

    Seriously. Trust me on this.

    Plus, I do have to state I have never been an INFP who lets the man makes all the moves, be chased per se. I felt an attraction, approached my to-be-husband, and got chatty. But after I sent out the signals, that was all he needed. So, she has conversations with you, smiles, enjoys your company? I would say that's enough of a signal for you that all you need to do is actually take the next logical step.

    Do it man!
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

  4. #14
    yap yap yap xenaprincess's Avatar
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    well, the ENFP factored into the equation in the situation the OP described. He was worried about the appearance of things.

    The OP, as an INTJ, is not comfy with something that is not resolved. I agree, don't overthink it because you might just make it more or less than it really is. And then it will become ridiculous.

    Next time you see her, I mean, the very, very, very next time, all you have to say is....'Hi'.

    That's all you need. Just Hi, and stand there. Don't do this while you're in motion, because she might not stop to talk, if she thinks you're not stopping. Stop your feet and turn toward her.

    Follow this with...How's it goin'?....and it will roll from there.

    It's not easy, I know, especially for introverts. But 'Hi' gets you a lot. Or even 'Hey'.

  5. #15
    Courage is immortality Valiant's Avatar
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    Awww!

    INFPs can be so damn cute. ENFPs, too, don't get me wrong... But with INFPs you can pretty much be sure that you have all their whimsical attention if you're the person they like.
    They're often pure in a way that few others tend to be. Just don't hurt her or abuse her trust. Get to know her and show your interest. Don't be desperate, but don't give other ladies the same attention. Let her take first place in your priority list.

    Mightier than the tread of marching armies is the power of an idea whose time has come
    Likes Lia_kat liked this post

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by xenaprincess View Post
    well, the ENFP factored into the equation in the situation the OP described. He was worried about the appearance of things.
    I appreciate the explanation but when I read things like this from the OP...

    Quote Originally Posted by INTJguy123 View Post
    I don't feel this way about the ENFP as much but still see a potential there, but my reality may be skewed temporarily so I'm ignoring that for now
    ...this is where I got the notion of 'back burner'. Thanks.

  7. #17
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    Ok...I will try to just talk to her the next time I see her. I just get very nervous when I see her and that ruins my plans haha

    OrangeAppled and Xenaprincess, I especially appreciate your responses. Trust me, I have been wanting to simply just say hi but I'm afraid that the conversation may just flop dead and I'll look like an idiot because I won't know what to say. I've been looking for eye contact to invite me in but I'm not getting that now like I was before, so that's what has made it difficult.

    Gonna give it a try though soon and see what happens

    EDIT: And yes, Valiant, the purity and authentic vibe I'm getting is absolutely what is driving me in so strongly, like never before

  8. #18
    yap yap yap xenaprincess's Avatar
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    it's funny... (or maybe not that funny). I've been in those situations where I have had such idealized crushes on guys. I don't recall them coming up to me to say hi. I think I can be quite unapproachable to those I'm interested in. Very self-protective.

    so how have I met fellas? well, it's been more indirect. Like I am sitting somewhere, engrossed in something, and the fella is sitting nearby. And somehow a conversation starts. My being caught off guard helps.

    but seriously, if she is interested, you will not look like an idiot (to her, haha).

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJguy123 View Post
    So I guess here are my questions.
    I am sure the INFP was observing us at the bar, how did this look to her and what could she be thinking about how I feel about her? I am afraid she thinks I was playing a game and trying to make her jealous, and the thought of that makes me sad because of how delicate she appears
    It's possible that she ended up with an inaccurate impression that would benefit from correction. I know if I saw something like this I might assume one or several of these: 1.) the guy isn’t interested, 2.) even if he is interested, he’s just as interested in several other girls, thus it’s not like I’m special or anything 3.) he’s a player, he flirts with everyone, again, not special 4.) she’s going to end up with him because she’s more direct and less reserved, 5.) he’s playing games, and I’m terrible at games and I don’t like them… I can’t keep this up.

    Any of these thoughts would lead me to start dismantling and reducing the strength of any attraction I had to prevent being hurt.

    The only correction necessary would be to ask her out and focus your attention on her from now on, in a direct but relaxed way, and only mention the ENFP if it comes up.

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    ^ It's true. INFPs usually have to be pursued because they want to be pursued. To the OP: I think you've caught onto that.
    You can easily correct this by making your intentions towards her known.

    Start adjusting your behavior to be closer to your intentions, that's all. INFPs often like directness in these matters, because we don't catch onto subtleties well in romance
    (poor Fe & a tendency to be overly humble).
    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    make more of an effort with the infp...it's also possible enfp was just being friendly...she could very much like you and/or be drawn to you strongly...just as a person and it may not mean anything romantic.
    infp person may very well lose interest if she thinks you're playing games...or if she thought you connected and now thinks it was in her head.
    infps need to be chosen
    enfps do the choosing ha
    This is very accurate. Being chosen by someone we are attracted to gives us the environment we need to be expressive as well as let our attraction grow. Otherwise we have too many doubts.

    Quote Originally Posted by INTJguy123 View Post
    3) I need to figure out where I stand with the INFP immediately. What would be the best approach possible? I can't just be patient and see what happens, I need to take action. I just feel too much like absolute shit right now to not attempt to fix my feelings
    What Peacebaby writes here is gold…

    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    You're over-thinking it. Find out some activity the INFP takes pleasure in (going to a solarium, a museum, the movies, a favorite restaurant) and just ask her to join you.

    Done.

    Seriously. Trust me on this.

    Plus, I do have to state I have never been an INFP who lets the man makes all the moves, be chased per se. I felt an attraction, approached my to-be-husband, and got chatty. But after I sent out the signals, that was all he needed. So, she has conversations with you, smiles, enjoys your company? I would say that's enough of a signal for you that all you need to do is actually take the next logical step.

    Do it man!


    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    ^. I'd go with your instinct that she IS interested though, because INFPs are rarely the kind to send flirty signals of romantic interest by mistake (unlike ENFPs :cough: ).

    EDIT: Oh yeah, because INFPs are introverted feeling types, it's not unusual for us to withdraw further into ourselves when we feel strongly affected by someone/something. Especially when young, this means seeming more contained & quiet with people we're attracted (what a curse!). This unfortunately sends the wrong signal. So it's safe to say that if you feel pretty sure she likes you, then her being extra quiet & less comfortable around you is more of a confirmation of her interest than anything. INFPs who seem aloof can be surprisingly approachable too; they're simply uncomfortable with their own feeling, & so they react to that by ignoring what is triggering it, but it will be a greater relief if they're given a real outlet.
    All true, especially the bold.

    Quote Originally Posted by Valiant View Post
    Awww!

    INFPs can be so damn cute. ENFPs, too, don't get me wrong... But with INFPs you can pretty much be sure that you have all their whimsical attention if you're the person they like.
    They're often pure in a way that few others tend to be. Just don't hurt her or abuse her trust. Get to know her and show your interest. Don't be desperate, but don't give other ladies the same attention. Let her take first place in your priority list.
    Absolutely to the bolded.

    Quote Originally Posted by INTJguy123 View Post
    EDIT: And yes, Valiant, the purity and authentic vibe I'm getting is absolutely what is driving me in so strongly, like never before
    Rest assured the feeling is likely mutual since NFPs and NTJs seem to have a natural affinity for each other.

  10. #20
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    Your relationship with the INFP is entirely in your head. Please make a move swiftly if you actually plan to date her in reality. If she asks about the ENFP, explain to her that nothing happened between you, because you've liked her for a while and would like to get to know her.

    Be kind but direct about your lack of romantic interest with the ENFP if she even remembers you exist.

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