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[ENFJ] ENFJ scaring me!

Butterfly

New member
Joined
Mar 5, 2008
Messages
201
MBTI Type
ENFP
Hi,
I had a couple of questions about this ENFJ workmate of mine.

Firstly, we hardly know each other and he is sooo into me, so forceful and expressive with me that its scary. He is in my face! Dont get me wrong, hes a sweet guy and all. But Im thinking HOW can he like me so much when he doesnt even know me? Is that even sane??
Secondly, I was reading that ENFJs are very value based but around what their environment accepts. So I am a different religion from him...I was thinking if things get serious in the future, is he one of those types who would change his religion? Or is he going to stick to what his friends and families' values (religion) ?? How is the value system playing in his head?

Thanks and sorry if its been already asked. But hes really intense and im questioning it!
 

Turtledove

New member
Joined
Sep 8, 2011
Messages
359
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Hm...I think you need to sit down and have a chat with him about how strong he is coming on in the workplace. Make boundaries and make sure those boundaries are not crossed. If he is still being unreasonable I would say avoid him if possible. If that doesn't seem to work...then someone else come here and give better advice. That's the best ideas I can give so far. I hope it helps a little bit.
 
G

Glycerine

Guest
It really depends on him. Many ENFJs can just be REALLY friendly. He may or may not keep his religion, only he can answer that. If he's more on the traditional side than there is a higher likelihood that he will.
 
G

garbage

Guest
He's probably personable and maybe interested. If you've given the slightest hint that he can even hold a conversation with you, which he may be able to tell at first impression or so, then he's gonna like you to some degree pretty much right off the bat.

I wouldn't fret the whole "religion" thing. He's probably into accepting or hearing others' points of view, and he may or may not even stick with his own religion for the sake of sticking with it.

How do you feel about him? Is he moving too quickly? Are you interested?

:popc1:
 

Butterfly

New member
Joined
Mar 5, 2008
Messages
201
MBTI Type
ENFP
Thankyou Turtledove, Glycerine and Bologna for replying!
Apologies for late reply, as I didnt have proper net access.

Yes, I may have written under stress and hence the post sounded like im fearful.
But after thinking about it, and more interactions later, I am finding him pleasant! He is a sweet person and genuinely caring.
After my body language of 'back off and give me space' he did back off and was respectful. That sort of won my heart a bit!

Then later I approached him to talk in a friendly way. But he started shaking! lolll. He breaks out in cold sweat, trembles, loses his voice and gets nervous and seems to have hard time breathing when he sees me! lol Its sweet, but I mean I do want to talk to him EVENTUALLY. I wonder when will he relax around me so I can talk and explore possibilities!! yippeee my favourite thing...possibilities. : )
 

IceBlock

New member
Joined
Oct 16, 2011
Messages
110
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
?
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Hi,
I had a couple of questions about this ENFJ workmate of mine.

Firstly, we hardly know each other and he is sooo into me, so forceful and expressive with me that its scary. He is in my face! Dont get me wrong, hes a sweet guy and all. But Im thinking HOW can he like me so much when he doesnt even know me? Is that even sane??

Welcome to the ENFJ world. I've never met males ENFJ, but I've met plenty of ENFJ chicks and wow, I can't stand them. They all are weirdly enthusiastic with other people they barely know, striving to give you the feel they like you a lot. You feel very unique in the first moments with ENFJs, feeling like they really like you, and you are an awesome person; making hard to dislike them. But after some time, you find out they are like that with, in theory, everyone. I'm not sure if this is a ENFP trace, but discovering when I'm not as unique for someone as it looked can be is disastrous for me, I get really sad.

So, this is mainly why I can't stand ENFJs. With my experiences until now, their Fe cause this weird forceful and expressive nature with everybody, and their Ni is used for manipulating the people that are into them. I'm sorry ENFJs, but none of my experiences with your type had proven me wrong yet ): I'm sorry if I exaggerated.

So, Butterfly, I guess it's a normal attitude from ENFJs. I can't answer the second question though.
 
G

Glycerine

Guest
They will blunt with you once you get to know them a bit. Lol
 

Thalassa

Permabanned
Joined
May 3, 2009
Messages
25,183
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx
ExFJs can sometimes be really in your face. I know when I first met my ESFJ ex I thought he was moving too fast (um, we just started seeing each other, I don't need you to put your arm around me as we're walking down the street, and no I don't think your little jokes about marriage are funny or even sane).

My ESFJ friend, for example, is often halted by her own children for "having very little boundaries" and "sharing too much with other people." She can be annoying sometimes, and I just have to set boundaries with her.

It just sounds like an Fi conflict with a dom Fe.

Also, be aware that he could just be acting that way to be super-flirty, not because he's actually obsessed with you or something. As an Fi type you might presume "oh my god this guy is practically a stalker" but he could just be trying to lay on the charm a little too thick, and not be as intense as you're projecting him to be.
 

The Great One

New member
Joined
Apr 27, 2012
Messages
3,439
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
6w7
Hi,
I had a couple of questions about this ENFJ workmate of mine.

Firstly, we hardly know each other and he is sooo into me, so forceful and expressive with me that its scary. He is in my face! Dont get me wrong, hes a sweet guy and all. But Im thinking HOW can he like me so much when he doesnt even know me? Is that even sane??
Secondly, I was reading that ENFJs are very value based but around what their environment accepts. So I am a different religion from him...I was thinking if things get serious in the future, is he one of those types who would change his religion? Or is he going to stick to what his friends and families' values (religion) ?? How is the value system playing in his head?

Thanks and sorry if its been already asked. But hes really intense and im questioning it!

I once tried to have a serious relationship with an ENFP athiest when I am a Christian. It went straight down the tubes.
 

Thalassa

Permabanned
Joined
May 3, 2009
Messages
25,183
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx
[MENTION=15607]The Great One[/MENTION] if you're a womanizer that's not very Christian of you.

@ the OP: I just want to clarify that an Ne or Se type can seem to have no boundaries to what they'll try, do or say or want to experience...but in the Fe dom when I say little or no boundaries I mean overly chatty and overly social without giving someone space, or being invasive, or trying to lay on guilt trips when you complain that they're being overbearing or attempting to control your life in a nice tone of voice.

I realized lack of boundaries might be more associated with Pe types, but I mean in Fe types lack of space between themselves and other people, which can be annoying or draining, even if they're being moral or socially correct.

Of course Fe/Pe loops are nightmarish under certain circumstances with a less healthy or simply stressed out ExFJ.
 

The Great One

New member
Joined
Apr 27, 2012
Messages
3,439
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
6w7
[MENTION=15607]The Great One[/MENTION] if you're a womanizer that's not very Christian of you.

@ the OP: I just want to clarify that an Ne or Se type can seem to have no boundaries to what they'll try, do or say or want to experience...but in the Fe dom when I say little or no boundaries I mean overly chatty and overly social without giving someone space, or being invasive, or trying to lay on guilt trips when you complain that they're being overbearing or attempting to control your life in a nice tone of voice.

I realized lack of boundaries might be more associated with Pe types, but I mean in Fe types lack of space between themselves and other people, which can be annoying or draining, even if they're being moral or socially correct.

Of course Fe/Pe loops are nightmarish under certain circumstances with a less healthy or simply stressed out ExFJ.

I'm not a womanizer, I'm a feminine enthusiast.
 

Winds of Thor

New member
Joined
Jan 11, 2009
Messages
1,842
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
3w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Some seem sort of oblivious to how they are coming across. Or it might be perfectly acceptable to him. I've been surprised by some ENFJs and wondered if they thought their forwardness was out of wanting others to be their best in some fashion and maybe coming across as too much didn't occur to them..not quite sure on this one. Just one thought..Why not ask him if he likes others to be at their best?
 
R

ReflecTcelfeR

Guest
Fe is an external value system. If it is "acceptable", then you need not say more.

Answered the first (by first I mean second), but didn't read the OP.

To the first part I say.......................................... He has a feeling.
 
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