I'm not sure if I'll be able to explain this the way I'd like to... but I'm going to try.
My problem is that I hate trying to verbalize my feelings. More than that I feel embrassed to. It feels so fake.
I cannot even write about things I’m passionate about in a sincere, serious way without it resulting to a situation where I want to go and burn my diary or something. I look at my words and feel like I want to puke, they just feel so fake. Seriousness feels fake. I always use sarcastic or otherwise distant narrator. Books that ignore “show, don’t tell” when it comes to feelings never fail to make me want to puke.
This has become more of a problem to me lately because I’ve come to understand that if I really want to recover from my depression I have to accept the fact I would really benefit from therapy. The only reason I’m reluctant to go is this problem of mine. I always feel so much worse after having talked about my problems. Like I’ve given away something really precious and become paranoid that someone is going to use the information I’ve given about myself against me somehow or feel like I want to puke because, as said, verbalizing feelings is FAKE to me and I could never even describe the things I feel in words, they are so intense and pure and they should be left just like that.
Can any other Fi users relate? Is there any way to come around this?