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  1. #1
    Junior Member powderpills's Avatar
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    Default Fi - disliking the very idea of trying to turn feelings into words?

    I'm not sure if I'll be able to explain this the way I'd like to... but I'm going to try.

    My problem is that I hate trying to verbalize my feelings. More than that I feel embrassed to. It feels so fake.

    I cannot even write about things I’m passionate about in a sincere, serious way without it resulting to a situation where I want to go and burn my diary or something. I look at my words and feel like I want to puke, they just feel so fake. Seriousness feels fake. I always use sarcastic or otherwise distant narrator. Books that ignore “show, don’t tell” when it comes to feelings never fail to make me want to puke.

    This has become more of a problem to me lately because I’ve come to understand that if I really want to recover from my depression I have to accept the fact I would really benefit from therapy. The only reason I’m reluctant to go is this problem of mine. I always feel so much worse after having talked about my problems. Like I’ve given away something really precious and become paranoid that someone is going to use the information I’ve given about myself against me somehow or feel like I want to puke because, as said, verbalizing feelings is FAKE to me and I could never even describe the things I feel in words, they are so intense and pure and they should be left just like that.

    Can any other Fi users relate? Is there any way to come around this?
    And all I loved, I loved alone.

  2. #2
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    oh absolutely...it feels like you're devaluing them. i feel very strongly about a lot of things...but i could never express it verbally without feeling ridiculous. all serious or sweet sentiments are kept short or made light or expressed very matter of factly..i don't always believe people who say such things either. i feel like i already know...saying it just sounds like bs so stop...please.

    it's an odd thing for sure.

    maybe you would do better trying to write poetry...using metaphors and symbolism might give it more depth and realism to you.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  3. #3

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    While I am an INTJ, I have an extremely high usage of Fi (and a decidedly poor use of Fe) and I understand exactly what you are saying. I write poetry and paint and I feel those express my feelings in a much more comfortable manner. I have also journaled in the past, and I felt just as you do. I would read what I wrote and find it beyond trite. Reading my poetry doesn't generally garner such a negative reaction from me. I think Lady X is right...poetry might be your answer to therapeutically work through your feelings. It helps me.

    At any rate, just trying to show some solidarity, here. I get it. It makes perfectly good sense. I often CAN'T even verbalize what I am feeling, but the poetry writing sorts that all out fairly well.

  4. #4
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    I find it tough to write about my feelings in the normal sense because, all to often, I do not have feelings in the normal sense. Fi-doms have such powerful, individual emotions and often these emotions run deeply on a subconscious level. Trying to explain them in words is like trying to describe the taste of the colour orange. There's a mismatch in the way people communicate. Sometimes, I'll try but I read back what I've written and it makes as much sense as an essay written by flicking ink at a page. Words are not the only medium to express emotion, and certainly it is not impossible to write your emotions. However, just as emotions are subjective and unique and amazing, write in a way which reflects the incredible and individual way you experience your feelings.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by powderpills View Post
    My problem is that I hate trying to verbalize my feelings. More than that I feel embrassed to. It feels so fake.
    On the other hand, withholding yourself could be considered “fake” as well, would it not? You're essentially hiding a part of yourself, for fear of humiliation, or shame, or whatever you want to call it.

    I've struggled with this myself. I don't usually like to read what I've written, because I know I'll see something I don't like, something I've articulated that may seem cheesy, uninsightful, obvious, or corny in retrospect. I'm curious though, are you put into situations where you have to verbalize your feelings?

  6. #6
    Junior Member powderpills's Avatar
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    Thanks for all the answers! I’m glad to know I’m not alone.

    (Also, I’m thankful for everyone not mentioning there was a fairly good chance of everyone getting how fake and puke-worthy I find feeling verbalized without all those “pukes” and “fakes.” Should probably re-read messages before sending them...)


    On the other hand, withholding yourself could be considered “fake” as well, would it not? You're essentially hiding a part of yourself, for fear of humiliation, or shame, or whatever you want to call it.
    I don’t really care what would be considered fake according to some definition of fake. Actually, even thinking about it what is “not fake” and then conforming to it because of “wanting to be real” is fake in itself in my opinion. What feels fake is fake to me. It really is not to be analyzed. And anyway, I feel the shame is me. I’ve never really felt I’m entitled to my feelings (possibly due to growing up in such overbearing Fe environment?) so this is the way I’ve always been. But I'm going to be thinking about this...


    I've struggled with this myself. I don't usually like to read what I've written, because I know I'll see something I don't like, something I've articulated that may seem cheesy, uninsightful, obvious, or corny in retrospect. I'm curious though, are you put into situations where you have to verbalize your feelings?
    Not more than other people, I think. But if I’m about to start therapy I soon will be... Maybe I'm going to be just describing my problems trough telling some metaphorical stories, lol. The problem lies in the fact that I somehow feel blocked because of this; like I’m not able to reach my whole potential. I also have problems with connecting with inviduals who don’t naturally get me (mostly Fe people; for example, I have this new ESFJ friend and when I'm with her I feel the need to be able to verbalize my feelings more because when I don't do that, she always gets the wrong impression and the connection just feels one-sided. Like I'm the only one getting the other while she's just hanging out with some person she thinks is me? Haha.)

    I sometimes even reject an idea without even thinking about it because it is making me feel so fake. But this probably has more to do with my issue with shame overall.
    And all I loved, I loved alone.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    Why do you have to be around people who don't get you? (I mean, other than authorities or relatives.)

    Also, I think therapists are good at drawing you out in a way that you can still be comfortable with. The burden wouldn't entirely fall upon you to openly disclose everything. Supposedly, they are well attuned to non-verbal cues and tones of voice and a multitude of other signals that something's brewing behind the narrative. In the best of all worlds, you would even have a therapist who gets you. It's possible ...

  8. #8
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    I can relate a lot to having a difficult time externalizing these private thoughts and emotions.

    You aren't alone.

    And yet... you are so very very alone.

  9. #9
    As Long As It Takes.... Redbone's Avatar
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    I'm not an FP or TJ and can relate well to this. I often feel like exposing my most important feelings (I don't mean emotions) will contaminate them. It is far more important for me to live by them than to talk about them.

  10. #10
    Member WheresRocket's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by powderpills View Post
    I always feel so much worse after having talked about my problems. Like I’ve given away something really precious and become paranoid that someone is going to use the information I’ve given about myself against me somehow
    Can anyone share some insight on this aspect of the problem? I can relate to all of it, but this especially. I find it excruciating to trust anyone with my emotions, even when they are ones I can verbalize. I get panicky just thinking about handing out big chunks of myself for people to do with what they will - which is what it feels like to talk candidly about my emotions with anyone but my spouse. Has anyone worked through this/gotten around it?
    MBTI: INFP
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