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  1. #51
    Senior Member The Great One's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    huh? Never said such a thing. Its just that Se is more prone to specific contextual Fi and develops ethics from life experience. Ne may have more grounded Fi morality anchored to Si and develop ethics more theoretically.
    Interesting.

  2. #52
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    Are you suggesting, then, that all people will experience the same feelings in the same kind of situation, and that only their thoughts will be different? I may be mistaking what you mean by feeling, but I have found it often not so, at least in the cases where I do have a good understanding of my own feelings. One thing that has always bothered me is when others expect me to feel the same way as they would, and I do not.
    No I’m not suggesting that. I do believe that primary emotions (fear, anger, etc.) are likely to be more universal, and that it is in the secondary emotions that you will see more individual variance. It just comes down to being able to feel one’s own feelings, and then immerse oneself mentally in the other’s situation so that one will start to feel what the other might be feeling. Then further clarification (what the other is feeling and why, etc.) can happen that would modify the empathic experience, but that can’t happen until the mechanics are in place.

    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    Why is that??? (I never understood just what anyone might find adorable, cute, etc. in an INTJ, unless he/she is 4 years old, like Orobas' boy. And even he will probably not appreciate it once he learns what those words mean.)
    See? You did it again.

  3. #53
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mia_infp View Post
    See? You did it again.
    Did what? Speculate about someone's reactions when I know we share some common perspectives?

    It is interesting that you mention anger as a primary emotion that will not see much variance. I see the opposite. Many things that make others angry do not bother me at all, while things that make me angry are either not on the radar for others, or are not bothersome. I still don't think it is that easy to generalize, unless we have some knowledge about the other person.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  4. #54
    yap yap yap xenaprincess's Avatar
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    well, re the original post, I don't have an issue with writing about my feelings. Speaking is another thing though.

    To me, the act of saying something 'out loud' brings the emotion to the surface, magnifies it 10x and makes it real. Sometimes it's so real that I can't manage it. It's overwhelming. Example: I might feel empathy but once I even start saying 'I'm sorry', a huge surge of emotion and the tears will come. The words bring out the emotion.

    @powderpills might want to consider art therapy instead of talk therapy? I'm not an expert about it but I've heard that it's one way to get access to feelings via art rather than words.

  5. #55
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    I don't know if this is related, but here goes: I think Fe users have a slightly more 'detached' view of themselves than Fi users. I think if you orient your feelings to the outside, you are more aware of the entities on the outside, and subsequently feel that you are one of the entities. Fe users are more 'objective' when it comes to evaluating feelings. When I write something passionately, and I go back to read it a few days later, and it sounds completely silly, I'll just laugh and think "What a silly girl". I feel like I was authentic in that moment, and that's enough. Although I no longer feel that way, the 'me' in the past and the present 'me' are in a way separated, so I don't feel like I'm being fake or false.

    I think my INFP boyfriend does have this feeling -- it's like he is trying to keep himself 'himself' at all times, like there is just one authentic self, and when he 'strays' from that, he feels bad like he is not being authentic.

    Not sure if this all makes sense.
    4w5 sp/sx EII

  6. #56
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    ^ I honestly don't worry about whether a past expression of feeling is "authentic". I don't worry about being authentic, because I feel like I am by default, sometimes to my own detriment. Being false/fake is not something that comes easy (even when it would be preferable). I don't cringe over feelings that may not be "me" anymore... I too know it was real at the time.

    I think you might be confusing accuracy with authenticity. It's not a matter of fearing the feeling becoming fake when expressed poorly, but of desiring to capture its essence in a way that does it justice, so it's not cheapened or doesn't lose its meaning.

    Anyhow, I cringe when I see past writings because of the vulnerability. Even if no one else sees it, the sheer existence of it is embarrassing to me. I feel so dramatic & silly.... It's like I suddenly have an outside perspective on it. I also hate when it seems cliche or just badly done . My inner critic is turned on when there's been some distance & I'm no longer in the middle of that feeling anymore.
    Last edited by OrangeAppled; 04-30-2012 at 12:50 PM. Reason: typos
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  7. #57
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 21% View Post
    I think my INFP boyfriend does have this feeling -- it's like he is trying to keep himself 'himself' at all times, like there is just one authentic self, and when he 'strays' from that, he feels bad like he is not being authentic.

    Not sure if this all makes sense.
    It makes sense to me as an Fi user, even with only tertiary Fi. I can accept that my feelings and values will change over time - that can indicate growth from experience. But I have to understand how and why I got from A to B, otherwise it does seem fickle, an unexplained and potentially counterproductive inconsistency.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  8. #58
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    This actually doesn't apply to me... I love the idea of expressing my feelings to someone who will understand, and if it matters then I like helping people understand where I'm coming from because usually my feelings come from something that's actually happening/happened. Gotta validate your feelings to be happy one way or another! I try to make mine intelligible to myself and others; I hate having feelings that don't make sense to have.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  9. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    This actually doesn't apply to me... I love the idea of expressing my feelings to someone who will understand, and if it matters then I like helping people understand where I'm coming from because usually my feelings come from something that's actually happening/happened. Gotta validate your feelings to be happy one way or another! I try to make mine intelligible to myself and others; I hate having feelings that don't make sense to have.
    Hmmm I feel that way now that I'm older, and it seems like when I was younger what stopped me was more like embarrassment or protectiveness over the depth and intensity of my feelings, which is why I questioned how much it had to do with unresolved social anxiety...or just Fi being very young and fragile and afraid of being rejected or whatever? But you're younger than me and seem to be pretty balanced with it already.

  10. #60
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    Hmmm I feel that way now that I'm older, and it seems like when I was younger what stopped me was more like embarrassment or protectiveness over the depth and intensity of my feelings, which is why I questioned how much it had to do with unresolved social anxiety...or just Fi being very young and fragile and afraid of being rejected or whatever? But you're younger than me and seem to be pretty balanced with it already.
    I don't I ever really FELT anything otherwise... I mean it was either I was feeling it (expressing) or I just didn't really feel anything toward the person etc. I'd just choose to keep it to myself. I don't think it was out of embarrassment, it just seems like it would have been a waste of time since they wouldn't understand. If I WAS feeling it then it would be more of a "well here is my opinion!" out of no where kind of thing. I rarely actually feel embarrassed or fear that, I feel like rejection is just apart of my daily life since so little people really get me, and I've learned to discern from experience the kinds of people who can "get it".
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

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