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  1. #11
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Yeah, I identify with a lot of this. I withhold a lot of emotions because I can't find a way to convey the depth of meaning.

    Diaries will always be difficult because you are verbalising things you normally wouldn't say - I wouldn't let that worry you too much. You have to remember to value the earnestness of the expression as well as the aptness of the delivery. Other people value this and generally those that care a lot about you will realise how meaningful and rare your expressions of feeling are. Also learn to develop more commonplace, understated language to express it when speaking to others you aren't very close to - it's better to say less and see if they take interest and ask questions, then you can add more to what you said. I don't know about you but I sometimes try to do too much and try to encompass something of great complexity and go overboard with explaining it in detail in one sitting (which people find overwhelming). Just start small and simple and build from there - it's more natural and better conveys the depth of the sentiment bit by bit.

    And if you do go to the therapist, explain that you're very introspective and feel deeply but have difficulty expressing it - make a joke about it if you like. It may help him/her to know where to start and what approach to use.
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  2. #12
    Member maskara's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WheresRocket View Post
    Can anyone share some insight on this aspect of the problem? I can relate to all of it, but this especially. I find it excruciating to trust anyone with my emotions, even when they are ones I can verbalize. I get panicky just thinking about handing out big chunks of myself for people to do with what they will - which is what it feels like to talk candidly about my emotions with anyone but my spouse. Has anyone worked through this/gotten around it?
    I've always been careful not to give out too much... if I absolutely have to explain how I feel I usually give ambiguous hints in the form of jokes.
    It's unacceptable for me when people devalue my feelings and tell me what to do in order to "not feel that way". That's just... ridiculous.
    When I'm with my extroverted friends and for some reason I feel like shit, I do my best to compartmentalize it so everyone can enjoy the present moment.
    In other words, fake my current state of mind.

    That's how I deal with it. I play devil's advocate with myself. I tell myself stuff like, "Yo, what the fuck. You're losing your shit over <insert depressing thing here> but then things like that, they happen sometimes, it's only natural, people are people, accept, accept, accept. You still have your precious little inner self, no one's trying to take it from you, you can't change the world by being a sad, sorry fuck." Something along those lines. Gives a sort of temporary relief.
    If there's not a lot of people you can completely trust with your feelings, I say it's best to keep it to yourself. That way, less paranoia, less additional problems/emotional burdens.
    That's way better than somebody else telling me exactly what I should do or how I should feel, as if I'm a robot that they can rewrite with their "wisdom" or something.


    Apart from myself, I can only trust my INFJ girl to understand and give due worth to my feelings.
    With her, I do not have to stress the fuck out of my brains to find the perfect words.

    EDIT: I realize what I wrote above applies for when I'm experiencing negative emotions. But as for feelings in general, such as attachment to certain ideals, if I want to promote it to others I'm usually clueless on how to go about it. Writing it down just seems way flat, describing it kills the passion. When I read it back to myself it fails to stimulate any sort of real emotional reaction (except maybe embarassment), it's dissapointing. I've tried other forms of art like making comics and illustrations, trying to portray feelings in a most authentic way but it always feels like I'm missing something. Maybe my skills are just lacking at this point.
    Just a rant: This world thinks that a feeling is deemed real and meaningful when everyone--cry babies, hipsters, cold bastards, boring librarians, rock stars, terrorists, everyone--is able to comprehend its depth. When everyone can define it by realistic terms. It sort of makes sense, yes... but I'm not saying that honest people who are having difficulty defining feelings in simple terms are secretly deluded. Its just that, the deeper a feeling gets, the more obscure it becomes, the more its authenticity gets questioned. Fi is a double-edged sword, and this may be especially true for Fi-doms and maybe other Fi users. We can easily understand and find our way through the most complex webs of feelings, but we may have a lot of trouble making others understand through words, no matter how precise we make it seem.
    Sadly, more often than not, expression of it falls to some form of compromise.

  3. #13
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    I very much relate to this.... especially the mortification from the vulnerability (and it's just really YUCKY sometimes to talk about feelings in a direct manner) & the inability to find words that can even approach an acceptable semblance to how you feel (so that it feels like a dumbing down of the feeling to even try). When it comes to writing, I tend to go about things very indirectly because of this. Sometimes I laugh at myself when I read old things I've written, and other times I cringe. And yet, it's not even direct; I try & veil it in metaphor & other tricks.

    I also have this sense of burdening people, weirding them out, etc. I feel like I have to contain my feeling to protect it from being judged in those ways.

    Semi-related is this paraphrase of something an INFP said on another forum that I found very amusing:
    "Fi to an extreme is kind of British - it's okay to feel stuff as long as you don't burden others with it."
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  4. #14
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    oh, I totally get this-I utterly detest talking about my emotions or how I feel. It feels embarressing and makes me feel like I am an idiot. I actually have been to a tharapist twice in my many years and each time was gross-it was a bit like rape, where some stranger was gaining access to my intimate self, who had no right to see those parts of me. When I was a teenager, my mom found my stash of diaries-and spent three hours reading them all...it was like she had peeled into a part of my mind she had no business is...

    The funny part is that my ENTP best friend, of all people, helps me figure out how to do this...she is growing in her Fe, and like most ENTPs in thier 30s-40s, , it can be super sweet and inclusive.

  5. #15
    Senior Member ExAstrisSpes's Avatar
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    English is a poor language with which to communicate with. Especially with things like emotion, there just isn't the vocabulary available to convey a lot of things. So possibly, it's difficult to express emotion because once you immediately try to say what you are feeling, you know that it's somehow inherently also "wrong".

  6. #16
    Honor Thy Inferior Such Irony's Avatar
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    I'm not so worried about verbal expression of my feelings coming across as fake. What I am worried about though, others misunderstanding them. I do believe that some feelings are very complex and difficult to put in words. I also worry about others invalidating my feelings or ridiculing them.

    Quote Originally Posted by Loki View Post

    I've struggled with this myself. I don't usually like to read what I've written, because I know I'll see something I don't like, something I've articulated that may seem cheesy, uninsightful, obvious, or corny in retrospect. I'm curious though, are you put into situations where you have to verbalize your feelings?
    Oh I relate to this! Whenever I tried keeping a diary or something similar I always felt embarrased reading it later. I even feel embarrassed reading some of my old posts on this forum. In some ways its like making diary entries.
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  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by powderpills View Post
    Fi - disliking the very idea of trying to turn feelings into words?

    Yet very good at articulating moral superiority every chance it gets


    Quote Originally Posted by Orobas View Post
    The funny part is that my ENTP best friend, of all people, helps me figure out how to do this


    JK! All NFs people do this, don't worry

  8. #18
    Senior Member The Great One's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by powderpills View Post
    I'm not sure if I'll be able to explain this the way I'd like to... but I'm going to try.

    My problem is that I hate trying to verbalize my feelings. More than that I feel embrassed to. It feels so fake.

    I cannot even write about things I’m passionate about in a sincere, serious way without it resulting to a situation where I want to go and burn my diary or something. I look at my words and feel like I want to puke, they just feel so fake. Seriousness feels fake. I always use sarcastic or otherwise distant narrator. Books that ignore “show, don’t tell” when it comes to feelings never fail to make me want to puke.

    This has become more of a problem to me lately because I’ve come to understand that if I really want to recover from my depression I have to accept the fact I would really benefit from therapy. The only reason I’m reluctant to go is this problem of mine. I always feel so much worse after having talked about my problems. Like I’ve given away something really precious and become paranoid that someone is going to use the information I’ve given about myself against me somehow or feel like I want to puke because, as said, verbalizing feelings is FAKE to me and I could never even describe the things I feel in words, they are so intense and pure and they should be left just like that.

    Can any other Fi users relate? Is there any way to come around this?
    This is classic Fi: It can not express it's emotions very well at all. Fe users on the other hand can, but yet Fe users can feel other's emotions better than they can their own. I once had a conversation with an Fi user, and they told me that Fi is like an iceberg tipping out of the water. You know that there's an iceberg there, but you just don't know how deep it runs inside.

  9. #19
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Yes!!!

    I've had someone tell me I'm not Fi because of this

  10. #20
    Tier 1 Member LunaLuminosity's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Great One View Post
    This is classic Fi: It can not express it's emotions very well at all. Fe users on the other hand can, but yet Fe users can feel other's emotions better than they can their own. I once had a conversation with an Fi user, and they told me that Fi is like an iceberg tipping out of the water. You know that there's an iceberg there, but you just don't know how deep it runs inside.
    Yes, you understand the difference well....


    Oh, and for the record, I don't even really grasp much of what you guys are talking about much less relate :P

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