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[ENFP] Nobody Likes Me, ENFP Paranoia

Qlip

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I've been spending the last couple years coming out of this very long depression that made me into a quasi-INTP.

I've been getting a lot more social lately, and paranoia has become a prominent feature of my life, and I'm trying to keep it in check. My mind is nearly constantly trying to figure out if certain people like me, and if not, why. It also doesn't help that as I'm coming into my own, I've started to find even more of my ENFP recklessness.

It's not really a crippling condition because I've learned that it really isn't the end of the world if somebody dislikes you. In fact, if everyone does like you, good chances are you are being a bland doormat. But, it is nearly maddning to me to not know why. Any ENFPs here relate, or anybody else?
 

Laurie

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I gave myself social anxiety right out of college because I could see irritating things other people did and didn't want to do the same thing.

Problem is that pretty much every behavior can be irritating. So it made it hard for me to function, trying to change myself into something else while avoiding all irritating behaviors.

I finally realized I had to change when I ran into a friend from college and could hardly talk to them because my lip was stress twitching so much!

Now I just give up and say "I need forgiving friends" and really don't try to "fit in" with people who don't "get" me. It's a lot better than the social anxiety!
 

prplchknz

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I feel that people get annoyed with me and than begin to hate me afterwhile.
 

Laurie

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In fact, if everyone does like you, good chances are you are being a bland doormat.

This was my favorite thing to figure out. Because some people hate bland doormats! So I was trying to be non-irritating but was actually being irritating to people who don't like people who conform. HAHAHA
 

MacGuffin

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NFPs rely on Ne to gather data and find patterns and relationships. The problem with Ne is it's non-discriminatory. Pretty much EVERYTHING gets considered, and coincidences become patterns where no actual pattern exits.

It's up to judging function to sort through the mess. For NFPs it's Fi. I'll quote one website: "As a cognitive process, it often serves as a filter for information that matches what is valued, wanted, or worth believing in." In short, it's making decisions based on an internal value system. If your internal values are screwy, or have little connection to reality, or perhaps your Fi is just weak (such as lack of use from being in a depression and trying to act like a T), then you get an NFP making themselves crazy.

At that point, it would be good to ask an outside observer what they think, you may find that your conclusions have little basis in fact. (NTPs have similar problems, but it's more an axiom basis failure for logic.)
 

prplchknz

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NFPs rely on Ne to gather data and find patterns and relationships. The problem with Ne is it's non-discriminatory. Pretty much EVERYTHING gets considered, and coincidences become patterns where no actual pattern exits.

It's up to judging function to sort through the mess. For NFPs it's Fi. I'll quote one website: "As a cognitive process, it often serves as a filter for information that matches what is valued, wanted, or worth believing in." In short, it's making decisions based on an internal value system. If your internal values are screwy, or have little connection to reality, or perhaps your Fi is just weak (such as lack of use from being in a depression and trying to act like a T), then you get an NFP making themselves crazy.

At that point, it would be good to ask an outside observer what they think, you may find that your conclusions have little basis in fact. (NTPs have similar problems, but it's more an axiom basis failure for logic.)

I do, but than I just think that they're lying to spare my feelings :laugh: even if its someone who wouldn't lie
 

Laurie

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NFPs rely on Ne to gather data and find patterns and relationships. The problem with Ne is it's non-discriminatory. Pretty much EVERYTHING gets considered, and coincidences become patterns where no actual pattern exits.

I think the patterns actually exist (the ones I was following) but I missed a few things.

1. I usually prefer introverts. Other people actually like extroverts. But because I like introverts I was looking at it as if everyone does. Especially because I just realized my introvert preference recently.

2. Being non annoying isn't really as important as I thought.

I learned through it, it was just part of my maturing. And apparently it was part of Qlip's too which I find very interesting. I wonder how many enfps struggle with it.
 

MacGuffin

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I bet INFPs struggle just as much, probably even more due to introversion.
 

Qlip

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NFPs rely on Ne to gather data and find patterns and relationships. The problem with Ne is it's non-discriminatory. Pretty much EVERYTHING gets considered, and coincidences become patterns where no actual pattern exits.

It's up to judging function to sort through the mess. For NFPs it's Fi. I'll quote one website: "As a cognitive process, it often serves as a filter for information that matches what is valued, wanted, or worth believing in." In short, it's making decisions based on an internal value system. If your internal values are screwy, or have little connection to reality, or perhaps your Fi is just weak (such as lack of use from being in a depression and trying to act like a T), then you get an NFP making themselves crazy.

At that point, it would be good to ask an outside observer what they think, you may find that your conclusions have little basis in fact. (NTPs have similar problems, but it's more an axiom basis failure for logic.)

Patterns ALWAYS exist! Worst possible cases are also not the only danger to the ENFP, so is the possibility of the best possible case.. those can be worse. Yep, my Fi is a little thing. I'm developing it, though. Not sure if my values are screwy, I'm not evey sure how to determine that.

I think the patterns actually exist (the ones I was following) but I missed a few things.

1. I usually prefer introverts. Other people actually like extroverts. But because I like introverts I was looking at it as if everyone does. Especially because I just realized my introvert preference recently.

2. Being non annoying isn't really as important as I thought.

I learned through it, it was just part of my maturing. And apparently it was part of Qlip's too which I find very interesting. I wonder how many enfps struggle with it.

Haha.. what does number 2 mean exactly? Yeah, I do see where you're coming from. I have let my freak flag fly a lot more lately, and I'm quickly finding the fall out isn't nearly as bad as I expected, and I feel a lot better about myself. But also, now, people have opinions about me. That's unusual and something that I'm not used to dealing with.
 

Laurie

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Number 2: Being annoying isn't really as important as I thought.

I was at a girl's night out with a group of women and there was this one chick. She was blabbling (blabbing and babbling) about the most random stuff. blah blah blah kind of extrovert. I thought, wow, this woman is so annoying.

She ended up making a bunch of close friends in that group. I guess being annoying isn't all bad.
 

Qlip

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Number 2: Being annoying isn't really as important as I thought.

I was at a girl's night out with a group of women and there was this one chick. She was blabbling (blabbing and babbling) about the most random stuff. blah blah blah kind of extrovert. I thought, wow, this woman is so annoying.

She ended up making a bunch of close friends in that group. I guess being annoying isn't all bad.

Okay, I assumed that. The alternative was that you perviously thought that being annoying was an important thing to do to make a good impression. In that case, I needed even more explanation. I do learn a lot from watching other's, especially E's interactions.
 

MacGuffin

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But they wouldn't be using Ne the same way, correct?

Yes, but they're more likely to remain wrapped up in Fi value judgment rather than find external confirmation.
 

Lady_X

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I think the patterns actually exist (the ones I was following) but I missed a few things.

1. I usually prefer introverts. Other people actually like extroverts. But because I like introverts I was looking at it as if everyone does. Especially because I just realized my introvert preference recently.

2. Being non annoying isn't really as important as I thought.

I learned through it, it was just part of my maturing. And apparently it was part of Qlip's too which I find very interesting. I wonder how many enfps struggle with it.

i think i can relate...i sort of remember consciously deciding to tone down my enthusiasm...i'm pretty excitable by nature but remember thinking when i was younger that it was childish and annoying to behave that way...which i didn't realize at the time but it was probably me trying to "seem" mature when around older people...or something...i kept it in check so much that i actually just became super mellow...not all the time but...generally.
 

Lady_X

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to the op tho..no...i guess i don't ever really worry much if people like me. i'm very preoccupied with my own thoughts that its just not something i consider...i guess i am not always sure if people understand me or if i'm expressing myself clearly but the emphasis is more on rather or not we're connecting...it feels mutual not one sided...i guess.
 

Starry

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I've been spending the last couple years coming out of this very long depression that made me into a quasi-INTP.

I've been getting a lot more social lately, and paranoia has become a prominent feature of my life, and I'm trying to keep it in check. My mind is nearly constantly trying to figure out if certain people like me, and if not, why. It also doesn't help that as I'm coming into my own, I've started to find even more of my ENFP recklessness.

It's not really a crippling condition because I've learned that it really isn't the end of the world if somebody dislikes you. In fact, if everyone does like you, good chances are you are being a bland doormat. But, it is nearly maddning to me to not know why. Any ENFPs here relate, or anybody else?

I can sorta relate to this. I swear - ENFPs come into the world thinking...'I love you and you love me and everything is GOOD and Hey! let's have some FUN!!!'... <--- and each and every day we live something takes a chip out of that you know? And it is disorienting. To find out someone doesn't like us it's like..."um..okay...I don't think you are the greatest person on the planet either but I am willing to accept you and yet you won't accept me?" Or when we are looked at funny for maybe being too 'happy' or too 'cooky'...it's like "hey man...I'm not an idiot...Life is short and I sincerely want everyone to seize the day". It is disappointing to be reminded on a daily basis how 'different' you are from others...and it is extraordinarily clear...at least to me...how being an ENFP can lead to incredible social anxiety and paranoia over time. But I am trying very hard to just say F@$* it!!! I am a good person...and my intentions towards others are good...and if people can't see that it is truly their loss...not mine. Like my INTJ father always says..."they don't pay my taxes".
 

Lady_X

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and...yay! elaur! nice to see ya!
 

Laurie

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:D

Does that mean you like me? Or you don't like me? Or what???? I'M SO CONFUSED ;)
 

Qlip

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[MENTION=10082]Starry[/MENTION] Yeah, straight on there. Except Im just starting to let loose. I need to chamber up a few more 'Fuck it's. It's exhausting. If you mean well, then everything should be gold, right(?) (nobody answer that) Actually, I just learned that there is a punctuation for the rhetorical question mark, my browser doesn't display it properly, and probably neither does yours.
 
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