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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by KDude View Post
    Sounds OK in my book. Might want to mix it up with some mash potatoes though.
    proteins and carbs are a bad combo for your tummy.

    PS Have you read the blocks of text above?

  2. #12
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Istbkleta View Post
    proteins and carbs are a bad combo for your tummy.

    PS Have you read the blocks of text above?
    I never read blocks of text.

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by KDude View Post
    I never read blocks of text.
    This is such a harsh criticism on people's writing skills

  4. #14
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
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    For some reason this thread's starting to remind me of a teacher I had in gradeschool who covered my poor math tests with markered red Xs, AND half a dozen sad faces.
    03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
    03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
    03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!



    04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy

    02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
    02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack

    03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.

  5. #15
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    i think for me...intention is always what matters. i can get past someones style of expression...generally...if i know them well enough to know what that means coming from them...it's the place it comes from that i listen to...or that effects me either negatively or positively.

    i also think too often people bs themselves into thinking they're being a good friend or helping whoever in some way by delivering the blunt ugly truth...but if you really look at it...see who it's serving..you'll often find it's just about you and you being an ass. (general you not op person)
    Agreed. I think most people (I'm also speaking in general terms, not about the OP) tend to see their actions as a natural and direct consequence of the behaviour of those around them, rather than a reflection on their own feelings, motivations and choices. This is a problem because it often leads then to place blame on others for their own subjective, negative impressions. I don't think this makes them bad people - they are just victims of their own blind spots. It's important to realise that your experience of the world (and other people's experience of you) is influenced by internal forces as much as (if not more than) external - even if it doesn't always seem so.

    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    I guess though that I'm now at a point where I see things as follows: 1.Something is bothering me about my relationship / something the other person is doing; 2. I need to figure out whether it's actually something that's objectively 'wrong' that the other person is doing, or whether it's actually Me and the fact that I can't accept some fundamental element of who they are, and in the end might have an issue with how they are and it might not meet my needs (therefore it's about me)
    Yeah, exactly. Sometimes you just have to tell yourself, "I'm being an idiot for being annoyed/upset about this thing", and then do your best to let it go. You can't let these things, these distorted subjective reactions, breed scorn for that person. They say that the biggest factor in marriage breakup is contempt between partners.
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    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  6. #16
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    I really think there are excellent points in this thread about constructive dialogue and need to appreciate rather than tamper. As people's essences go: It's like a painting you see at a gallery and buy. A good reason to hang it on your wall is because you truly think it's beautiful as it is and you just feel lucky to be around it to admire it. Now if you think it isn't really that great because one or two parts would look better another way and you get out your paints, start whisking away at it, then maybe you never liked it as much as you thought. You just haven't found one you actually like enough to think it's good as it is. What are you to make changes in a painting that is in itself beautiful and surely something that would find someone to appreciate it as it is anyway? It's the mistake I've certainly made in foolishness only to realize later that I even was guilty of such a thing.
    It's easier to communicate respectfully and resolve conflicts when the basic dynamic is healthy.

    Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
    For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
    And stand together yet not too near together:
    For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
    And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

    -Kahlil Gibran

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lexicon View Post
    For some reason this thread's starting to remind me of a teacher I had in gradeschool who covered my poor math tests with markered red Xs, AND half a dozen sad faces.
    Holy crap, how ruthless

    --

    As far as constructive criticism? A few things:

    1. It helps to identify the other person's main psychological buttons so that you don't press them. For some, this may be "intrusion on their space"; for others, it may be "accepting them for who they are"--and so on.

    What's a damn shame is that neurotic people tend to view virtually everything in terms of those buttons.

    "Honey, I love that dress. And that hair!"
    "What, you didn't like my hair yesterday? Why couldn't you accept me then!?" *throws a vase*

    welp


    2. It helps to (a) keep in your mind and (b) get across to them the following sentiment: that it's about the relationship, not you or them. Too many people follow an "I care about this relationship" with a "but, [...]" and the other party tends to expect that sort of caveat. Don't let them expect it. Build trust, man. With that trust also comes the notion that you're not trying to press their deep, hidden psychological buttons.


    3. Yeah, ensure that the other party understands that you see it from their perspective. Ask yourself questions. Why are they acting as they are? What current stressors or situations--or perhaps underlying psychological factors--may contribute negatively to their thought process? This, again, helps build trust.


    This is a general strategy for people that one is close to. For casual acquaintances or strangers--that's another story.

  8. #18
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bologna View Post
    1. It helps to identify the other person's main psychological buttons so that you don't press them. For some, this may be "intrusion on their space"; for others, it may be "accepting them for who they are"--and so on.

    What's a damn shame is that neurotic people tend to view virtually everything in terms of those buttons.

    "Honey, I love that dress. And that hair!"
    "What, you didn't like my hair yesterday? Why couldn't you accept me then!?" *throws a vase*

    welp
    Yeah, I know people like that

    You're right about not pushing people's buttons. People are just touchy about certain things and you have to learn to steer clear of/accommodate these issues - particularly in arguments where the temptation to prod someone is greater.
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  9. #19
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    I'm gifted when it comes to giving criticism.

    You have to realize that some people, no matter how genuine and helpful you are trying to be, will take any sort of criticism as just that, criticism, even if it is meant to be beneficial. They won't like it. It's probably best to stick to people who can handle criticism and are self-aware to a degree. Don't work your ass off for someone who won't accept your honesty as a friend. Those are the same hell-bound fuckers who ask for help but end up freaking out or trashing it when someone gives it to them.

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by KDude View Post
    Sounds OK in my book. Might want to mix it up with some mash potatoes though.
    I think I'll add some garlic to the mashed potatoes now.

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