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  1. #71
    can't handcuff the wind Z Buck McFate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SubtleFighter View Post
    And the thing is, when I look back on situations that happen, I do feel like those initial hunches I had were usually right in the first place (which some people have talked about already). But when it's happening in real time, the devil's advocate part of myself still comes out because I'm very aware that I could possibly be wrong. I do think this has to do with e6 (as well as probably having something to do with some inherent nature of being an Ni-dom) because of the issues of relating to trust and feeling like things are inherently insecure.

    I get the ‘real time’ delay too. And what is especially strange to me is how that uncertainty spreads equally from the things that common sense may dictate are ‘clearly’ offensive (like if someone comes up to me, out of the blue, and shoves my shoulder) to things that are offensive to me in a way that no one else picks up on (if someone says something and I ‘pick up’ on some kind of self-serving intentions or deceit). About the latter: sometimes I’ll realize that I had a bad reaction for my own reasons and what the other person said/did wasn’t offensive in itself- other times I’ll reach the conclusion that it more than likely was the person being selfish or deceitful- but it’s incredibly hard for me to have an opinion about it immediately (unless I’ve been in similar situations before and already have a lot of cognitive legwork in storage/stored experience on the matter). About the former, though (where something is ‘offensive’ by common standards), it ceases to amaze me in retrospect sometimes how I didn’t immediately recognize that something was indeed disrespectful or deceitful. I mean I sensed it, but my point is that- in the moment it’s happening- I’ll just feel a bit stunned (proportionately) and think “why did that happen?”

    I don’t know how common that ‘in real time’ delay is to all INFJs, but I know I’ve seen it irl INFJ friends as well. We’ve gone on several ‘wth?’ tangents to each other about it. Like fid said, it’s worst when I’m emotionally invested (in some way) in a person. But it happens where there’s no emotional investment too.


    Quote Originally Posted by SubtleFighter View Post
    And I also relate to it being worse for someone I'm interested in romantically. I seriously think that I need to have someone sneak up on me (figuratively speaking!) in order to date me. If I know definitely that I have a crush on them, then our relationship is doomed.
    LOL. I remember @Starry (she’s camping now, but I kinda want her to see this when she gets back) asking me about something like this. She was astounded by something she read elsewhere, some INFJ had written a thing about how- even if they know the other person likes them- they’ll avoid interaction with someone they’re interested in. And I’m not sure I was able to explain it well, but I could definitely relate to ‘avoiding someone, even if I know they’re interested’. Ha-ha.
    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

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  2. #72
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ginkgo View Post
    If Ni is a perceiving process that deals as much with the ego as me seeing the illumination of my computer screen in front of me, a lack of second-guessing is potentially a product of low or non-existent self-esteem. Doubting requires a measure of self-confidence in recognizing that one is the final authority of what they think is true.
    Yes it does, as long as the doubting is because of healthy self-confidence instead of a lack of it. Having the love for truth above your ego to doubt what you would easily be persuaded to believe as reality as opposed to doubting your every judgement because of a fear of being condemned wrong, or for fear of making a mistake.

  3. #73
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    LOL. I remember @Starry (she’s camping now, but I kinda want her to see this when she gets back) asking me about something like this. She was astounded by something she read elsewhere, some INFJ had written a thing about how- even if they know the other person likes them- they’ll avoid interaction with someone they’re interested in. And I’m not sure I was able to explain it well, but I could definitely relate to ‘avoiding someone, even if I know they’re interested’. Ha-ha.
    Yah...I remember this. I believe this was an INFJ e5 I encountered on PerC a while back that said this...and I WAS completely astounded. She stated...very plainly...that if she was interested in another individual romantically...she would avoid them...especially if they were demonstrating romantic interest in her (in return). And I was like...wth? And I apologize...at the time I didn't understand that this was an actual 'thing'. It wasn't something that I, personally, could wrap my brain around (and still can't really but I'm sorta starting to understand)...until I pressed her...and other INJs came forward making the same claim. And I remember saying over and over..."Okay so you guys know these other individuals are interested in you...you know that you will not be facing rejection in that regard...And you get the sense that these individuals are a good people and you are interested in them and feel that there is relationship potential...and so you subsequently avoid them even more????????????" Yah...I was struggling to understand that.

    I don't know what kind of ENFP I am. I get the sense from being on this site that I'm a little more uncertain/suspicious of others than the average ENFP...but if I'm interested in someone and I know that they are interested in me in return? haha...yah...purposely avoiding them wouldn't occur to me haha.

  4. #74
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    I purposefully avoided guys I was attracted to only when I was very young but I made a point to myself after losing someone I really cared about because of my "evasive" maneuvers that I'd never chicken out again and since I learned to really trust my intuition about someone's romantic potential I haven't ran anywhere because of expressed interest. Only politely drifted away or deflected if the interest is not shared...
    On the contrary I'm very forward when I truly feel someone is a person I'd love to date because I know I want to only date people who can handle the emotional intensity that comes with me I've been very straightforward with those I'm actually interested to invest in for long term from the very start.
    I think trusting your intuitions if they are strong and compelling has worked very well for me.
    Happily married because of following a "crazy intuition".

  5. #75
    Senior Member wildflower's Avatar
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    it sounds like your N & S are just quite close. i wouldn't sweat it and try to force yourself into a predetermined type box. some people are more of a hybrid than a pure type. i know my F & T are very close and i wonder sometimes if i could be an intj but when i read the NF description from keirsey it fits me to a t. pun intended.

    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post

    I think everyone SHOULD question their perceptions...I guess it's just finding a balance between doing it too much and not enough...
    lol, you do sound so SJish here...

  6. #76
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    Quote Originally Posted by wildflower View Post
    lol, you do sound so SJish here...
    wtf is SJish about questioning your perceptions? SJs definitely are more practical than probing.

  7. #77
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RaptorWizard View Post
    wtf is SJish about questioning your perceptions? SJs definitely are more practical than probing.
    Every type has a strong percieving function, y'know.

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    Quote Originally Posted by KDude View Post
    Every type has a strong percieving function, y'know.
    Good point, because come to think of it SJs are probably more likely to look at the objective facts before coming to a conclusion than a lot of Ns who just go with their gut without further investigations.

  9. #79
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RaptorWizard View Post
    Good point, because come to think of it SJs are probably more likely to look at the objective facts before coming to a conclusion than a lot of Ns who just go with their gut without further investigations.
    I really don't think that should be type-dependent. I think it's part of being a balanced human being.
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  10. #80
    Senior Member wildflower's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RaptorWizard View Post
    wtf is SJish about questioning your perceptions? SJs definitely are more practical than probing.
    i was referring to the gigantic "SHOULD" since SJs are very duty-oriented. also, the desire for "balance" since they tend toward being practical. they usually are pretty balanced people and avoid extremes at least in my experience of them, and i do know a few including my mom and best friend being isfjs. they make wonderful, loyal friends.

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