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Thread: NF "telepathy"

  1. #21
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Kross View Post
    I see. So really it's still about understanding someone's essence, it's just that more specific information may be needed to feed that and not just airy fairy impressions.
    Well, I wouldn't call them airy fairy....they are right & often rather "deep" impressions, they just are not the only information, and without the factual bits, there is an incomplete picture. Just as the reverse is true - facts don't tell the whole story either.

    Here's a bad metaphor, but I'm struggling to articulate this to those who find it foreign:

    It's like seeing a cake & knowing what it tastes like without eating it or being told what kind it is. You just intuitively know what that cake's flavor & texture is. When you eventually taste that cake, then you see you were right. The actual ingredients & processes that go into making it remain unknown. Then one day you learn the factual bits, what's actually in it, how it was made, and it changes your impression of its flavor, even though you were not wrong in what it tastes like. It's not so sweet when you discover the cake factory is rat infested or that the cake has some carcinogenic preservatives. But it technically IS the same cake with the same flavor & texture you previously intuited & then confirmed via interaction with it. But that info is LESS important now that you have the factual info too.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  2. #22
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    That's actually a very good metaphor for it.

  3. #23
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    ^ agreed
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    Yes, I more or less agree with this. There's been some discussion here or there on this forum about how (for instance) INFJs and INFPs seem to run into problems because in a lot of ways they do connect and bond in a pretty significant way... So when the major differences do start to show up (Fi/Fe conflict, etc) it can feel like major disillusionment because you sort of expect more from the relationship. You've maybe come to feel that the other will always give you that extra understanding and see things in a similar way.

    I tend to get wary when I see subjects like "NF telepathy" (sorry OP, not having a go at you or anything!). It's just that there is a lot of silliness (IMHO) floating around about how INFJs in particularly are "psychic" and "never wrong", etc. Which I just think is...silly. I know that's probably not the main thrust of this thread, though. I do understand about feeling a particular "click" or "flow" with certain people and I think I have probably tended to feel it more so with other NFs - but not exclusively. I don't get to see my INFJ friend who also lives abroad very often any more, but when we email, or when we sometimes get to spend enough time together, we definitely experience that. Lots of those "um...did you just read my mind? " moments. I do think it can happen with non-NFs though.

    I just question...everything a lot, which is partly the 6 enneagram, I think. I question my "click" (or lack of click) with people, I question the instincts and conclusions that I come to, I question my gut feelings. I've actually realised that my very first gut feelings - like the VERY very first, almost the first few seconds, or at least the first conversation or the first couple of conversations - about someone tend to be right. Sometimes I have had to return (even sadly) to those gut feelings way down the line in my relationship with someone. So I'm trying to listen to my gut feelings and instincts more and trust them more. But it's more natural for me to question everything. Which can, depending on the situation, a) save me some trouble; b) cause more trouble; c) not particularly cause or save me trouble, but just stop me from living in the moment...

    Personally, I'd be wary of running a relationship mainly on instinct/big picture. I'd want some of that, for sure, or a lot of that. But I would also want facts. I think both are important.
    The bolded - that's what I want too. I find that when it's mostly based on instinct/big picture, there could be a misinterpretation of some sort. And lemme tell you, it had happened several times.

  5. #25
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    When I was younger I could form crushes with a vague, idealistic view of the person, but without some concrete connection it is possible to imagine the whole thing, so I'm wary of that.

    I have a deep, intuitive, reciprocated connection now in my life. What strikes me about it is the timelessness of it. On some level I feel we have known each other at every stage of life because if you look deeply enough, every moment is embodied in the present. I enjoy learning the concrete facts although I have never been one to ask people a lot of questions. Knowing the specifics articulates that sense of connection and breathes life into it. I've most often been trapped in the distant, idealized, abstract connections, so having every sense filled with the reality of the person is very centering, provides a sense of completion, and provides relief. Although the intuitive connection is my primary point of reference and it would be difficult to imagine interacting with someone on an intimate level without it. Without reciprocation it can make disconnection especially painful and so has two sides to it experientially.
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  6. #26
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    I find this thread very interesting. It makes me think of how my INFP bff and I interrelate. When we first met, we clicked instantly. We had that magical NF on NF kind of experience which led to a very deep and robust friendship.

    Overtime, we both were confronted with facts about the other person that didn't necessarily fit in with our idealized vision of each other. This was hard. It did, at first, seem like our relationship was tarnished a bit. In fact, we went through several months of a cooling off period. At least for me, it took this long for me to incorporate the facts about my INFP into my idealized vision of her. But I eventually did. Now things are wonderful between us once again. I feel like I have the best of both worlds. We still have that special NF bond thing going on. But I also have incorporated enough facts about her into my NF vision of her "essence" that I have a fairly realistic view of what kind of person she is... facts (including flaws) and all.

    Great thread @OrangeAppled!
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  7. #27
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    I find this thread very interesting. It makes me think of how my INFP bff and I interrelate. When we first met, we clicked instantly. We had that magical NF on NF kind of experience which led to a very deep and robust friendship.

    Overtime, we both were confronted with facts about the other person that didn't necessarily fit in with our idealized vision of each other. This was hard. It did, at first, seem like our relationship was tarnished a bit. In fact, we went through several months of a cooling off period. At least for me, it took this long for me to incorporate the facts about my INFP into my idealized vision of her. But I eventually did. Now things are wonderful between us once again. I feel like I have the best of both worlds. We still have that special NF bond thing going on. But I also have incorporated enough facts about her into my NF vision of her "essence" that I have a fairly realistic view of what kind of person she is... facts (including flaws) and all.

    Great thread @OrangeAppled!
    Yeah, great way to look at it. I do think that over-reliance on the "intuitive/facts aren't important" approach could lead to too much idealizing of the other person, and they may be doing the same with you. You're going to have to face "warts and all" sooner or later...
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  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Not real telepathy.... But no doubt, fellow NFs, you have experienced that NF-on-NF special connection. You get to know each other very quickly, but via vibes, and this creates a quick forming intimacy.

    Basically, you know all this stuff about them that they have not told you, but not in factual form. You just *know* the essence of who they are, as if their life, their traits, just who they ARE, have been summed up in a piece of art that hits you viscerally & gives you an understanding of something complex in a simple, well, intuitive way. And when you realize someone has experienced the same thing about you in return, then it can be the most refreshing thing ever, and your guard goes down.

    It's like, you know that they know that you know stuff they didn't actually tell you, and they know that you know that they know stuff you didn't actually tell them (nor stuff that is observable in a concrete way). :P

    So what's the problem?

    There can be such a focus on sharing feelings, emotions, hopes, dreams, visions for the future, exploring who you want to become, etc, & knowing via "vibes" that very little factual info is exchanged. You have this intimacy founded on nothing concrete. This is a problem as those little factual details, which can seem so insignificant & dull to an NF, start to emerge. The big picture is tarnished a bit when these, while making sense in relation to it, make it a tad less, well, ideal. It's not that you didn't understand their essence correctly, it's that you underestimated the importance of those factual details, glossing them over in favor of the potential the person represents.

    This doesn't happen so much with SFs because of the tendency to prefer exchanging concrete info. Even thinking types often have a penchant for facts.

    What is your experience with this?
    Or have you experienced this?
    The obvious solution is to push for more factual exchanges, so how do you do this & not fall into that magical telepathic-like mode?
    I'm pretty sure most people who are relatively alike would be able to assume things about each other with relative ease. People click when they find a sufficient, satisfactory amount of common ground. Not really an NF thing, but iNtuition and extraverted feeling are applicable in aspects of reading others. As a stand-alone function, seeing the thing in itself, Fi not so much.

  9. #29
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ginkgo View Post
    I'm pretty sure most people who are relatively alike would be able to assume things about each other with relative ease. People click when they find a sufficient, satisfactory amount of common ground. Not really an NF thing, but iNtuition and extraverted feeling are applicable in aspects of reading others. As a stand-alone function, seeing the thing in itself, Fi not so much.
    This isn't about "cliquing", it's about knowing things, especially of a personal & emotional nature, without exchange of factual information or through observance of actual behavior.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  10. #30
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    Yeah, great way to look at it. I do think that over-reliance on the "intuitive/facts aren't important" approach could lead to too much idealizing of the other person, and they may be doing the same with you. You're going to have to face "warts and all" sooner or later...
    Sometimes it works the other way too....facts can soften an impression & open you to someone you might unfairly write off otherwise.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

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