Wow, this quickly turned into quite a thread. As for her type, I'm almost certain that she's INF, but am leaning towards J because she definitely can be very stubborn, proud and judgmental and seems way too orderly and hardworking for a perceptive type. Also, she has Ni. A lot of it. INFP is quite possible, though. Maybe even an INTJ heavy on the Fi, but I doubt that.
See things from her POV and tell her so.
Stop telling her BS and tell her she is right, you understand her position and you agree with her, even if you don't like it.
Tell her she can count on you any time and leave her by herself to absorb the new you.
I really have trouble seeing things from her POV because her train of thought has always been a total mystery for me, and she never wants to clarify her thoughts when I ask her. I have noticed that the best way to deal with her is pretty close to what you suggested and makes her calm down, but it's only a short-term solution because it makes her think that I admit everything that she falsely and irrationaly accused me of, which creates even more problems in the long run.
Fi is a judging function. That's why in socionics Fi doms are ISFjs not ISFps, for example. Fi is one of the most subjective functions in existence. It is subjective subjectivity, and doesn't give a goddamn about "propriety" (unless they can otherwise rationalize why that proper thing is necessary for some other aspect of their personal morality). You sound like you're complaining about her lack of Fe, not her Fe.
She may be an INFP. Or an ISFP who gets into Fi/Ni loops when she's upset. Fi/Ni loops make people paranoid, I mean did you see what happened when INTJ Invisible Jim left the forum? Or what I do when I'm having a melt down? Fi/Ni (or Ni/Fi loops) make people very self-assured that their internal visions are correct, and not only are they correct, but completely self-absorbed.
At any rate, anyone who actually followed Jung would call this woman an FP, I'm sure.
ISFPs can seem INTJ-like when they're in their shadow, anyway.
Her nasty cutting behavior sounds like Te unleashed, though, and it makes sense that her Fi would deeply disturb your own inferior Fi.
TJs also tend to complain about other people's lack of Fe when cornered or vexed, ironically. It's the IxTJ trickster function and the ExTJ demon.
"Sentiment without action is the ruin of the soul." - Edward Abbey
@uumlau is an incredibly informed INTJ on the forum, and he wrote a post here, including information how ISFPs and INTJs are remarkably similar on EEG, except that the ISFP is actually the more "judgey."
I'm defiantly an INFJ My jness accounts for my need for closure the fact that I follow through with plans and I'm pretty much on time scheduled.
However I'm not tidy or organised in the slightest.. Also Ni lends its self to being a very non judgmental function, it only seems to when the need for closure arises. Iv noticed other INFJ are very open minded people and the point where they have made a judgment they simply move on the judgement is the closure tat comes at the end of a long anlysis
If I were to behave in the way you have described and i am capable of it, I would at some point come round. Theres nothing that could happen to me in my life that wold make it acceptable for me to make someone else cry because I'm feeling hurt.
even if the other person has wronged me and seeing them cry is enough to know Iv hurt them back and its time to either end it, or draw a line under the situation and move on.
I also apologise profusely for behaving that way once I have cooled. Ni and Ti permits me to what to reason logically with a problem, I get great comfort from it as my Fe always feels exhausted from the emotional outburst and the subsequent emotional feedback from the person on the other end.
I live with an ISFP female I also nearly married and an ISFP male so clearly I'm a fan. However the ability of the ISFP an INFP to project a air of innocence an being sweet and caring and uber fun, annoys me.
Get to know them, an unhealthy one and the ar the most stubborn judgmental and logically unraisable people ever! Ithink maybe some types deal bettr with this than I do as an INFJ. If an Fi type feels it has been wronged then theres nothing I have that can help it or get through Ni is able to see the complexity of the Fi and the Fe wants help it and the Ti wants to reason with it, but I also know that Fi is Strong and deep emotional tunnel vision, focused like a laser beam
your post sounds a lot like the ISFP female I live with. I love her can't help it everybody does its a bloody ISFP!!!! I get frustrated that people can't see what monster lays within.
I really think what your dealing with hear is a damaged Fi, an fe type I think would feel to ashamed to ac that way and need to deal with emotion feedback from the other party, i.e you.
I think an upset INFJ would have an outburst and then feel bad they made you feel bad and then chase you down to discuss it endlessly until they were able to dissect as much information as possible then analysis it and the draw a line and move.
Not to Say it would not happen repeatedly with an INFJ but the Fe in my opinion would have to deal with your feelings to.
I would concur with Marm that INFJ is an unlikely type for this person. INFJs will come across as being very similar to INTJs, to the point that one can easily be mistaken for a polite INTJ (and vice versa). If an INFJ has a problem with you, their typical action is to avoid you, exclude you from invitations, or make catty remarks about you and gossip about you. They will avoid confrontation because it's very stressful for them.
I'm less sure whether ISFP is a more likely type for your "certain female", but in general, an Fi type is more likely to say things that would strongly affect an ENTJ (with Fi inferior, it's hard to activate, but when it does, it goes boom!). And Marm is correct that an unhealthy ISFP is very likely to come up with all sorts of wild excuses and accusations, resorting to tertiary Ni to make up stories. In this regard, an ISFP makes up BAD stories at which most people will roll their eyes, while an unhealthy INFJ makes up credible stories (gossip behind your back) that others are very likely to believe.
Whatever her type, I would suggest that you not have such a person close enough to you to mess up your life.
An argument is two people sharing their ignorance.
A discussion is two people sharing their understanding, even when they disagree.
Try having in mind your type's blind spots and pummel through those thoroughly. If you over rush things from point "I am your friend and I support you" to "You should do it THIS way.", etc. = poor results => need to start over => WASTE OF TIME