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  1. #1
    From the Undertow CuriousFeeling's Avatar
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    Default In Tune with Thoughts, Confused by Feelings

    Any other INFJs experience this? Where you find yourself more in tune with your Ni-Ti thought process, but you find your emotions tend to confuse you with their lack of logical consistency? You want to grapple with the emotions, but it all seems like it's a gray area, hard to place into a classification system. You find yourself introspecting so much to the point that you aren't even present to reality, emotions confuse you, and you want to keep calm, keep a hold of those emotions for fear of exposing your vulnerable core. Sometimes people may think you appear polished, calm, independent, but inside you're a firebrand ready to strike when it's hot.

    Has there been any other INFJs that experience this type of thing... wanting to keep a level-head with things, and you appear cool on the outside, but inside you feel your emotions strongly... a push-pull between what makes rational sense vs. what feels right?
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    Johari/Nohari

    “Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings -- always darker, emptier and simpler.”
    ― Friedrich Nietzsche




  2. #2
    Honor Thy Inferior Such Irony's Avatar
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    I'm not an INFJ but I relate to this.
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  3. #3
    Step into my office. Luv Deluxe's Avatar
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    Yes! Sometimes I outright repress my emotions if they threaten my perceptions of how things are supposed to be, how I ought to behave, etc.

    This seems to occur most often with complicated romantic feelings. Last fall, I was in a rocky relationship with my then-boyfriend, trying to make sense of our problems and work through them. During this time, I'd gotten to know someone else...and I liked him. More than I thought I was supposed to. I tried to control these feelings by ignoring their existence, which became increasingly difficult with every passing day. I never cheated, choosing instead to dissolve my relationship (as it truthfully had reached its disintegration point), but I still contended with large amounts of guilt, confusion, and anxiety in the meantime.

    Even when safely single, I usually encounter a certain amount of fear mixed in with that initial thrill of meeting someone. The more I think about it, the more I feel as if I embody both sides of the infamous virgin/whore dichotomy at once; I repress, deny, ignore, seek control, aim for perfection...and then lose myself completely. I know, rationally, that a particular hookup might be a bad idea...but I also know that I want it. I have to reconcile my thoughts with my feelings, if I can.

    This might be my enneatype talking - I don't know. Nonetheless, it's one of the ways in which my emotions can rattle me a little, prompting a retreat into my own head. I'll ruminate obsessively over what I'm experiencing and wonder how to best deal with it outwardly. I'm still surprised to hear acquaintances and coworkers comment on how "mellow" or "easygoing" they find me, while so often my blood is boiling for one reason or another. At the same time, I like to appear contained and confident...it's just not what's going on below the surface.

    Is this the sort of thing you're referring to, @CuriousFeeling?
    AMERICAN TRASH
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  4. #4
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    I really relate.

    At least, I'm not sure if it's exactly what you mean. But if I am in a situation of emotional turmoil (ie. a breakup, or major difficulties with someone close to me, etc) - I can be incredibly clear, bullet-pointed, straightforward and even cold in my thoughts. This is how it is, this is what happened, these are the reasons why, bang bang bang.

    BUT. On top of that I can be a complete emotional wreck. I could know why it's best for me not to be with someone, or I can see why all the difficulties in a friendship are happening. Etc. But I'm still a total emotional mess. Sad, angry, etc etc. And it's so frustrating. I wish I could control the emotions with the thoughts on those occasions, because the emotions make me experience terrible mental pain and pressure, feelings of anguish, nausea, anger, etc.

    It really can feel like having two people in my head when that happens. Emotion and Logic.

    And yeah, I definitely look calm and cool on the outside 90% of the time (or more!). It confuses people, because they think I'm so calm. I think (and it upsets me) that they even think my feelings aren't that deep, sometimes. (I can even spell out to them "I am very sensitive and emotional", and they still make assumptions that I'm not, it seems. Bitchy/neurotic women get a lot more credit for having feelings!) So when they hear that I'm actually very emotional and sensitive...they're like The only people who understand without being shown, that I'm actually very emotional, are those who are a lot like me.
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  5. #5
    Step into my office. Luv Deluxe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    Bitchy/neurotic women get a lot more credit for having feelings!) So when they hear that I'm actually very emotional and sensitive...they're like The only people who understand without being shown, that I'm actually very emotional, are those who are a lot like me.
    Although I know what you're saying, I'm not sure I like the way you've coupled "bitchy" with "neurotic," here. I'd like to think I'm not bitchy, but I openly admit to high neuroticism. I simply do my best to keep this trait hidden from others I'm not especially close to, because it has the potential to be embarrassing for me and burdensome for them.

    If someone makes a comment that cuts at me, he or she may never know that I quietly disappeared to cry about it in a bathroom stall. Perhaps I don't display the stereotypical sort of feminine sensitivity, but certain triggers provoke a similar response, if not one more volatile. A little over a year ago, I was very depressed, but I denied it to myself and to those around me...and eventually, I wound up in the emergency room as a consequence. It's strange. I am both reasonable and neurotic, rational and overemotional - a high-functioning wild card.
    AMERICAN TRASH
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    ~ Gryffindor on the streets, Slytherin in the sheets ~

  6. #6
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AntiheroComplex View Post
    Although I know what you're saying, I'm not sure I like the way you've coupled "bitchy" with "neurotic," here. I'd like to think I'm not bitchy, but I openly admit to high neuroticism. I simply do my best to keep this trait hidden from others I'm not especially close to, because it has the potential to be embarrassing for me and burdensome for them.

    If someone makes a comment that cuts at me, he or she may never know that I quietly disappeared to cry about it in a bathroom stall. Perhaps I don't display the stereotypical sort of feminine sensitivity, but certain triggers provoke a similar response, if not one more volatile. A little over a year ago, I was very depressed, but I denied it to myself and to those around me...and eventually, I wound up in the emergency room as a consequence. It's strange. I am both reasonable and neurotic, rational and overemotional - a high-functioning wild card.
    Ok, I hear you, and I'm sorry. I think I meant "neurotic" as...well, bitchy You know - openly catty, ridiculously demanding, wildly jealous, etc etc.

    To be honest, I think I am somewhat neurotic too; I certainly over-analyze heavily and can become unnecessarily worked up over things. I'm a weird split in that way, so many things don't bother me at all, and things which bother me - bother me massively.

    And it does annoy me that women who will cause massive drama, be unnecessarily nasty to others, etc, often just get more credit for being "passionate" and "emotional". Because I don't usually give people a hard time, I'm a robot?
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  7. #7
    Step into my office. Luv Deluxe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    Ok, I hear you, and I'm sorry. I think I meant "neurotic" as...well, bitchy You know - openly catty, ridiculously demanding, wildly jealous, etc etc.

    To be honest, I think I am somewhat neurotic too; I certainly over-analyze heavily and can become unnecessarily worked up over things. I'm a weird split in that way, so many things don't bother me at all, and things which bother me - bother me massively.

    And it does annoy me that women who will cause massive drama, be unnecessarily nasty to others, etc, often just get more credit for being "passionate" and "emotional". Because I don't usually give people a hard time, I'm a robot?
    It's okay. Thank you, though.

    Perhaps outwardly dramatic women receive the "passionate" label because the scenes they stir up provoke emotion in others as well. People seem to remember (or lend greater emphasis to) events that affect or target them personally. I had a friend who possessed the tendency to attack others whenever she was upset, whereas I am far more likely to attack myself. I believe we went about our respective methods of coping with the same amount of intensity, yet she received the "emotional" and "passionate" qualifiers far more often than I did/do. She extroverted her negative feelings; I usually aim mine inward. It's just a thought - I really don't know.

    Holding off on the melodrama doesn't make you a robot - and hopefully, there would be those who appreciate you for it.
    AMERICAN TRASH
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    ~ Gryffindor on the streets, Slytherin in the sheets ~

  8. #8
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    Not that it really matters, but I think you're a possible INTJ. For other reasons.

    Emotions in themselves have nothing to do with type. Anyone who says otherwise is promoting their own autism. Or a straight up liar. I'm emotional as we speak because my connection dropped as I just replied.. and had to type again. Perhaps someone would call that "F", but I would call them "illiterate". It's neither Fi or Fe.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Viridian's Avatar
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    I'm quite aware of the disconnection, but I see it as kind of a superego/ego spat - in my case, at least. I'm not quite "dramatic", but I can be quite neurotic and insecure.
    Tentative typing: ISFJ 6w5 or 9w1 (Sp/S[?]).

  10. #10
    From the Undertow CuriousFeeling's Avatar
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    Related to the posts by @SilkRoad and @AntiheroComplex ... this is what I am getting at. A sort of emotional suppression, like the emotions I experience can make me feel as if I am out of control. Part of me enjoys the ride if I am engaging with art and music and film, I like the emotional intensity. But when it comes to dealing with my own feelings, because I know how sensitive I can be, I hate letting them out of the cupboard, it makes me much more vulnerable, likely to have my heart ripped and destroyed by either harsh words, ridicule, or by sheer disappointment of not living up to my own expectations. I end up resorting to listening to reason and logic because thought is what it is, and if you're wrong, it's nothing directed at you personally, it's just a flaw of thought rather than flaw of personality.

    It's definitely a push-pull relationship I experience. I tend to feel that things make much more sense to me when I am analyzing things, pulling apart the system at play. But understanding my own emotions and how I feel about something, while I am aware of it, the system I am unraveling becomes less clear and difficult for me to reason with. Like I know that I should do what feels right for me, and I also like to make sure others are taken care of as well. But I often want to understand WHY I feel the way I do, the hidden reason behind it. I am passionate in the core level, and those that are very close to me know what makes me feel passionate... but I prefer to keep a calm exterior about things. Again, the feeling of loss of emotional control.

    I used to be much more expressive in my youth, and showed emotions more. But as time has progressed, I've felt much more comfortable showing restraint. It feels like a protective shield, guarding a sensitive soul that lies within. Part of that sensitive soul wants to break free, but it's scared, self-protective. Basically being a self-protective wallflower, crawling up the wall to avoid predation, and growing thorns as an armor. Thoughts feel like such a thorn armor, and feelings are the sensitive delicate petals.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    Johari/Nohari

    “Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings -- always darker, emptier and simpler.”
    ― Friedrich Nietzsche




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