[INFJ] INFJ Hate Thread

[AphroditeGoneAwry]

Whatusername, there is another side to the 'living in the future' thing: the past is usually getting discarded way too easily. People who know how deep my emotions run, can't believe that I am so NOT nostalgic. That doesn't mean the past wasn't lovely, but, well, it's PAST. We hardly live in the present so asking us to live in memories and used-t-be's is really too much. Even in the area of getting over relationships – I think that where we have the problem is in this tendency to overanalyze. But personally I hardly ever miss people who have walked out of my life (or, umm, have been made to walk out…) never mind how close we used to be. It was great when you were there. Now you are not.

For most INFJ's, I think our memory of the past is not even that good. Family and childhood friends can usually recall so many details I can't for the life of me remember. Of course we remember the important things – meaningful conversations, groundbreaking discoveries, and which character said what in the first book we ever read. But trivialities tend to vanish into oblivion.

Here and there you can come across an INFJ sighing over something lost – but that has got to be REALLY big. When INFJ's miss something it's an open wound they can't forget and it has got be in the love-of-their-life scale. Other that than, I just can't recall myself, or any other INFJ, sighing over the good old days. The future is SO much more interesting…

nice point. i feel the same pretty much.

 

[Gloriana]

@Whatusername: I'm the same way in terms of future planning. I was thinking not too long ago that I spend too much time in the present thinking about this future I want, but I wind up wasting years worth of time with these thoughts instead of GETTING THERE. I'll force myself into the present tense and I'm like "OK, here I am...crap, what the hell do I do?". I'm "typical INFJ" I guess in the sense that I'm trying so hard to discern the 'best and most efficient path' that I hesitate like crazy in taking action. So many actions feel like they are actually huge 'commitments' and I wig out. It's no wonder I have a handful of frustrated folk around me going "Um, get the stick out of your ass and just DO IT" (including my very own inner monologue), hehehe.

I'm consciously trying not to be so dismissive of the ideas of others at this point. I know in the past I've caused people to want to eat their own heads at time with how much I'll talk about all these things I want to achieve and how much I'll seemingly ignore their suggestions on how to get there. Drive them nuts with how often I change my mind. I think sometimes I am my own worst enemy in how much I think I do prefer spending my time thinking about all these future possibilities rather than doing anything about it in the present. I'm trying to be more open and actually give a chance to the ideas others have for me, trying to 'go with the flow' more and let a real life actually happen to me rather than sinking into the one inside my head.

It's friggin' difficult though! I do so love my flights of fancy

 

[AphroditeGoneAwry]

@Whatusername: I'm the same way in terms of future planning. I was thinking not too long ago that I spend too much time in the present thinking about this future I want, but I wind up wasting years worth of time with these thoughts instead of GETTING THERE. I'll force myself into the present tense and I'm like "OK, here I am...crap, what the hell do I do?". I'm "typical INFJ" I guess in the sense that I'm trying so hard to discern the 'best and most efficient path' that I hesitate like crazy in taking action. So many actions feel like they are actually huge 'commitments' and I wig out. It's no wonder I have a handful of frustrated folk around me going "Um, get the stick out of your ass and just DO IT" (including my very own inner monologue), hehehe.

I'm consciously trying not to be so dismissive of the ideas of others at this point. I know in the past I've caused people to want to eat their own heads at time with how much I'll talk about all these things I want to achieve and how much I'll seemingly ignore their suggestions on how to get there. Drive them nuts with how often I change my mind. I think sometimes I am my own worst enemy in how much I think I do prefer spending my time thinking about all these future possibilities rather than doing anything about it in the present. I'm trying to be more open and actually give a chance to the ideas others have for me, trying to 'go with the flow' more and let a real life actually happen to me rather than sinking into the one inside my head.

It's friggin' difficult though! I do so love my flights of fancy

really? i get shit done. i live in my head between projects, and maybe during projects, but i DO my projects. what do you mean by flights of fancy? i don't think i have those. and i don't really change my mind that much. are you sure you're not p, instead of j? i say that with interest because i don't feel myself to be like you describe here, although i know others might. of course, there is much fluidity among types......but i really like your posts nonetheless.

 

[statuesquechica]

I can understand Gloriana's statement, and apply it to my own behavior. I get things done as well (work- wise, home chores, personal projects) but at the same time if there are big decisions or changes looming in the future I will think and think and think about possible future scenarios; taking decisive action happens much later. It bothers me and exhausts me mentally because I do seek some closure but if not all the information or facts are there I will continue to ruminate.

 

[Lightyear]

Whatusername, there is another side to the 'living in the future' thing: the past is usually getting discarded way too easily. People who know how deep my emotions run, can't believe that I am so NOT nostalgic. That doesn't mean the past wasn't lovely, but, well, it's PAST. We hardly live in the present so asking us to live in memories and used-t-be's is really too much. Even in the area of getting over relationships – I think that where we have the problem is in this tendency to overanalyze. But personally I hardly ever miss people who have walked out of my life (or, umm, have been made to walk out…) never mind how close we used to be. It was great when you were there. Now you are not.

For most INFJ's, I think our memory of the past is not even that good. Family and childhood friends can usually recall so many details I can't for the life of me remember. Of course we remember the important things – meaningful conversations, groundbreaking discoveries, and which character said what in the first book we ever read. But trivialities tend to vanish into oblivion.

Here and there you can come across an INFJ sighing over something lost – but that has got to be REALLY big. When INFJ's miss something it's an open wound they can't forget and it has got be in the love-of-their-life scale. Other that than, I just can't recall myself, or any other INFJ, sighing over the good old days. The future is SO much more interesting…

Yup, that is so me. I appreciate people very much but I don't really miss them once they are out of sight, even my family (which might also have to do with my moving around a lot and always having to depend on myself in the last decade so I have gotten used to saying goodbye) Though I am at the moment a bit nostalgic about my time in Berlin but it's because I really LOVE this city.

 

[ladypinkington]

hmm- how about the innate and masterful ability to turn anything and any situation around to be about them.

you are sad and are suicidal- it isn't anything I did was it. It wasn't oh good- I would want to die if I did anything to hurt you and make you suicidal,lol.

you are unhappy with your work, I don't treat you like people at work do I, your happy with us right?

you have a stomach ulcer- I don't have stomach ulcers do I, I don't- well how do you know- do I need to see a doctor- how do stomach ulcers occur- you didn't get stomach ulcers from anything I did, did you?

black holes are so powerful light can't even escape- when I am in the abyss of despair and am down- I wonder if I suck the light out and don't let it escape- I am not an emotional black hole am I- oh good-because I would want to die if I was,lol.

this is all a giant guess on ways INFJ's might suck- I don't know from personal experience or anything- purely hypothetical.
yup, purely hypothetical.................

 

[Tiny Army]

Haha! Spot on. ENFJs do it worse, though. Sometimes whatever is going on isn't even tangentially related to them at all and they will just start on about themselves using key words they seem to have randomly selected from the other conversation. But there is no link between the two! Sometimes even I can't spot the link and I'm an Ne dominant, linking shit together that has no place together is how I do.

With INFJs, though it is much more subtle and permeating. Many times a conversation about (say) floor polish will descend into a conversation about their feelings before I even know what is going on and suddenly I am shoehorned into a conversation about how someone's dad never loved them when all I wanted was to know whether I should buy the orange scented or the lemon scented floor polish.

 

[Eowyn]

The only bitch I have about my very favorite INFJ ever is her ability to see positive intent in everybody, right when I want to be mad at them the most. Which is why I usually call her when my very tiny moral compass suggests I might be a little pissier than a situation calls for.

 

[Lightyear]

People you can't even hate INFJs properly. Seriously I would have expected more from you. *shakes head in disgust*

 

[Kyrielle]

hmm- how about the innate and masterful ability to turn anything and any situation around to be about them.

you are sad and are suicidal- it isn't anything I did was it. It wasn't oh good- I would want to die if I did anything to hurt you and make you suicidal,lol.

you are unhappy with your work, I don't treat you like people at work do I, your happy with us right?

you have a stomach ulcer- I don't have stomach ulcers do I, I don't- well how do you know- do I need to see a doctor- how do stomach ulcers occur- you didn't get stomach ulcers from anything I did, did you?

black holes are so powerful light can't even escape- when I am in the abyss of despair and am down- I wonder if I suck the light out and don't let it escape- I am not an emotional black hole am I- oh good-because I would want to die if I was,lol.

this is all a giant guess on ways INFJ's might suck- I don't know from personal experience or anything- purely hypothetical.
yup, purely hypothetical.................

I totally do that. And the worst part is I'm aware of it, but I just. Can't. Stop. It.

 

[Uytuun]

whining - negative

passive

not assertive

insecure - dependent

princess-syndrome

can be self-absorbed

political correctness

martyr tendencies

idealist arrogance/preaching

You guys really are only a T away from perfection.

 

[Lauren Ashley]

princess-syndrome

can be self-absorbed

martyr tendencies

idealist arrogance/preaching

I can relate to all of these.

whining - negative

passive

not assertive

insecure - dependent

political correctness

I can't relate to any of these.

You guys really are only a T away from perfection.

Huh. I've always thought INTJs weren't F'd up enough.

Our weaknesses and strengths are related. So I'm okay with any weakness because I know without night, there would be no day.

 

[Gloriana]

whining - negative

passive

not assertive

insecure - dependent

princess-syndrome

can be self-absorbed

political correctness

martyr tendencies

idealist arrogance/preaching

You guys really are only a T away from perfection.

Wow, that throws me! I'm not passive at all, and I'm a very assertive person. I can be crap at making up my mind but when I do, I go after what I want. I'm self absorbed in the sense that I'm usually way too conscious of myself, but I'm usually more tuned into other people than I am my own needs and wants.

What's "princess syndrome"?

I did do the martyr business when I was a teenager, but I grew up out of that stuff. I definitely have my preaching/speech making moments with the idealism, but I try not to come off as arrogant. I do admit I have a distraction with discerning the 'right' way, but I know the 'right' way for me isn't always the 'right' way for others. I am a fan of consideration for others, but I hate political correctness.

I'm wondering if I really could be mistyped here? How can you tell short of intakes? *scratches head*

In reference to my earlier comment about "future thinking", I definitely DO all my projects, it's just I get bored of them and tend to abandon when they threaten to become something that renders all the other possibilities in my head void. Basically I'm a pursuit whore, the jack of all trades who is master of none because everything looks so awesome.

 

[Uytuun]

I forgot passive-aggressive and manipulative.

I really do like you, but you were asking for hate.

Gloriana, these were all spontaneous (ya ya!) from an INTJ (differences would be Te Fi) perspective, and our ideas on assertiveness and selflessness etc. may differ.

 

[Lauren Ashley]

I forgot passive-aggressive and manipulative.

I am not passive-aggressive. I am outright aggressive

[Actually, I've seen passive-aggressive INFJs, so I know what you mean here.]

Manipulative - how? I've heard this said before about INFJs and I don't see it. Maybe you could give examples.

 

[ReadingRainbows]

I am not passive-aggressive. I am outright aggressive

Manipulative - how? I've heard this said before about INFJs and I don't see it. Maybe you could give examples.

I think some of our behavior can seem manipulative, but in reality for us - it isnt.

 

[Oddly Refined]

I am not passive-aggressive. I am outright aggressive

I'm glad that I'm not the only aggressive one!

 

[Lauren Ashley]

I'm glad that I'm not the only aggressive one!

Just say yes to aggressive INFJs. At least we're open about it.

 

[Tiny Army]

Please, INF aggression is like watching a poodle snarling. It'd be scary if I were a chihuahua and not a rottweiler.

 

[Lauren Ashley]

Please, INF aggression is like watching a poodle snarling. It'd be scary if I were a chihuahua and not a rottweiler.

I'll leave this alone.

Since you apparently have an axe to grind with every NF type. Except (surprise, surprise) ENFP.

All you do is complain about whichever type(s) all day. It's getting pretty old.