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  1. #261
    Patron Saint Of Smileys Gloriana's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    Eh, sometimes it's the other way around. But yeah, you guys are just irresistable, till someone's values gets stepped on and someone bites. Both end up hurt in the end it seems. Which is why, I figured that if I found one with whom my values lined up with the result would be some freaky explosion of awesome.
    Yeah, I hear ya. I need to make a list of my values and keep it handy.

    I have a bunch of 'surprise values' though, values I didn't know I had until some mofo starts stepping on them.

    Damn it.
    "Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get, but if you work really hard, and you're kind, amazing things will happen. I'm telling you...amazing things will happen" --Conan O'Brien

  2. #262
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gloriana View Post
    Yeah, I hear ya. I need to make a list of my values and keep it handy.

    I have a bunch of 'surprise values' though, values I didn't know I had until some mofo starts stepping on them.

    Damn it.
    Same here, apparently that's half the entertainment...
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

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  3. #263
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    Not to give pushback on some of the hate here (even though whenever someone says, "Not to ___" it virtually always means they are), but as far as the withdrawing thing and door-slamming I just have to put my two cents in.

    I have been unfortunate to have met some extremely toxic personalities in my life. NPD people, clingy people, insulting people, heartless people, you name it I've probably known them. I used to let everyone in because I just wanted to be close with people. Unfortunately, I learned very early on that letting the majority of people I met into my daily life yielded some extremely bad results. At first I thought it was just a one-case scenario, but I began to realize that many people could be horrible to have in your daily life through repeated experiences. Of course, this is not everyone. There are many wonderful people out there who I would love to have in my life. Unfortunately, it's hard for me to tell who's who sometimes. So, my natural instinct is to initially trust no one. I've developed a hard outer shell because in essence, I have to. If I don't people will try to walk all over me, and I know that from personal experience. I don't want to not trust people and keep them at a distance, but I feel, at least for me that it is a necessity especially in today's society. That is, until they've proven they're trustworthy.

    The way I make my evaluations of who is trustworthy and who isn't is pretty simple. I just judge them by their actions, and MUCH more importantly, the thoughts, feelings and motives BEHIND their actions. I am an excellent judge of these things. If someone is doing things that are wrong, or is a person I want to stay away from, I pick it up extremely quickly. They can put on a fascade if they want, but in most cases, I will see right through it.

    Whether this is why all INFJs are the way they are I can't say. I'm just one. But I stand firmly by that feeling that it's OKAY to shut people out of your life if it's the best decision for you. To me, that's common sense. So, people who stay in abusive relationships, or trust random people they don't know are somewhat lacking in common sense to me.

    As far as introverts wanting alone time, pretty much every introverted type is like that. That's just the way it is for us.

    Lastly I'll address some of my weaknesses that I don't like about myself:

    -Slow at taking care of daily errands/spends too much time sitting around contemplating life.
    -A desire to be comfortable all of the time.
    -Overly-perfectionistic (although sometimes I just want things to go well really badly which I think is human).
    -Awkward with people/hold back part of myself out of shyness.
    A hero is someone who does the right thing without expectation of reward, just because it's the right thing to do.

  4. #264
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LotsOfHeart View Post
    The way I make my evaluations of who is trustworthy and who isn't is pretty simple. I just judge them by their actions, and MUCH more importantly, the thoughts, feelings and motives BEHIND their actions. I am an excellent judge of these things. If someone is doing things that are wrong, or is a person I want to stay away from, I pick it up extremely quickly. They can put on a fascade if they want, but in most cases, I will see right through it.
    i am in agreement here on the judging people by their actions. but judging them on their thougths and feelings behind their actions? i know for myself that my thoughts and feelings are pretty fluid, and i use language loosely (lower Ti) so, if you judged me on my feelings or emotions (maybe not so much motives) that you perceived were behind my actions, you would probably be judging something that might not even exist anymore, or you might just be wrong in your assumption to begin with.

    Whether this is why all INFJs are the way they are I can't say. I'm just one. But I stand firmly by that feeling that it's OKAY to shut people out of your life if it's the best decision for you. To me, that's common sense. So, people who stay in abusive relationships, or trust random people they don't know are somewhat lacking in common sense to me.
    people are in the relatioships they need to be in. some of it is about self-worth, some of it is about ignorance, and some of it is just about lying to yourself and being lied to, and believing that.

    shutting out is your right and it is understandable. but when you shut out, you are also keeping out. when love stops flowing out, it also stops flowing in. so reacting to hurt by shutting out, imo, does more harm to that person than they might realize. and as a pattern it can have a negative effect on possible new relationships.

    just food for thought.
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    Do not resist an evil person, but to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer also the other. ~Matthew 5:39

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  5. #265
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    LotsOfHeart: I've been burned too and have developed similar tactics. Some managed to make it past mine though, and I don't have near the confidence in my methods as you apparently have in yours.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  6. #266
    Senior Member Grace's Avatar
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    I am very bad about reading threads all of the way through, so I apologize if this has been touched on.

    I hate that INFJs tend to think that all other INFJs aren't really INFJs and are really mistyped ISFJs or INFPs or something of the sort. It's like most INFJs seem to have the mentality that "there can only be one."

  7. #267
    Circus Maximus Sarcasticus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grace View Post
    I am very bad about reading threads all of the way through, so I apologize if this has been touched on.

    I hate that INFJs tend to think that all other INFJs aren't really INFJs and are really mistyped ISFJs or INFPs or something of the sort. It's like most INFJs seem to have the mentality that "there can only be one."
    I think it's partly because there is a significant latitude in the personality traits of the INFJ type.

  8. #268
    Crazy Diamond Billy's Avatar
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    The fact that a shitload of INFJs are going to reply to this thread and say what they hate about INFJs while not actually saying anything bad.

    So I will try to be honest.

    What I hate about INFJs being one myself is that we are not nearly as kind and altruistic as you think we are, we just wear a veneer of kindness on our faces when in reality we are much cooler and much colder.

  9. #269
    Senior Member Grace's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sarcasticus View Post
    I think it's partly because there is a significant latitude in the personality traits of the INFJ type.
    By significant latitude do you mean that an INFJ is described in a way that many people want to identify with it? If this is the case, then I guess I could agree with that based on the description of an INFJ since they are said to be complex and rare which some people might want to identify themselves with. I do not think, however, that in general INFJs are the coolest of the cool in real life and they probably aren't as popular when it comes to places outside of online forums and groups of ENTPs and whatnot. The average male would probably rather go for an ISFJ female, it seems, than an INFJ female, for instance. I think the same thing could be said with most N's in general. People on this board tend to think that some people type themselves as N's just because they think it will make them deeper or something, but really, being an S is probably better in terms of doing well socially with the majority of people outside of online forums.

    It sort of seems like N stands for nerd in a lot of cases (which I say in love, obviously, since I am an N myself).

  10. #270
    Senior Member Grace's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Billy View Post
    The fact that a shitload of INFJs are going to reply to this thread and say what they hate about INFJs while not actually saying anything bad.

    So I will try to be honest.

    What I hate about INFJs being one myself is that we are not nearly as kind and altruistic as you think we are, we just wear a veneer of kindness on our faces when in reality we are much cooler and much colder.
    +1

    My boyfriend once said to me that one of the reasons why he loved me was because underneath all of my marshmallowy niceness was a razor edge.

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