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  1. #191
    Cat Wench ReadingRainbows's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Army View Post
    Yo, I have a question regarding on of the reasons why I hate INFJs.

    Why does it take you so long to get over a breakup? Each one seems to take well over a year to get over.

    I'm dealing with an INFJ who freaks out over the mere mention of her most recent ex's name and it has been 15 months now. What's worse is that this ex is my friend and every time I hang out with him I have to slink around her like a criminal because she freaks out otherwise.
    Loss. We don't greive properly.
    Quote Originally Posted by EffEmDoubleyou View Post
    St. Stephen took rocks and St. Sebastian took arrows. You only have to take some jerks on an internet forum. Nut up.

  2. #192
    Senior Member statuesquechica's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Army View Post
    Yo, I have a question regarding on of the reasons why I hate INFJs.

    Why does it take you so long to get over a breakup? Each one seems to take well over a year to get over.

    I'm dealing with an INFJ who freaks out over the mere mention of her most recent ex's name and it has been 15 months now. What's worse is that this ex is my friend and every time I hang out with him I have to slink around her like a criminal because she freaks out otherwise.
    Hmm, this isn't true for myself...I cannot continue to be upset with a former boyfriend because I loved him in the past and will continue to care about him in the future. She sounds like she never dealt with the loss of that relationship and is now subjecting you to her unresolved emotions. Must be hard on you having to walk a tightrope between the two.
    I've looked at life from both sides now
    From up and down and still somehow
    It's life's illusions I recall
    I really don't know life at all

    Joni Mitchell

  3. #193
    Senior Member statuesquechica's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jixmixfix View Post
    I don't get this thread ...If INFJS dissing other INFJS, If INFJS are so "distant" then leave them alone..let them be bitches..I knew a woman INFJ it was hard to get close to her, so w/e let them be.
    I don't see it so much as INFJs dissing other INFJs, rather it is an opportunity to examine my own faults, own up to them, and do the hard work to make changes. I recognize I am incredibly idealistic...I have to find balance with some pragmatic suggestions.
    I've looked at life from both sides now
    From up and down and still somehow
    It's life's illusions I recall
    I really don't know life at all

    Joni Mitchell

  4. #194
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiny Army View Post
    Yo, I have a question regarding on of the reasons why I hate INFJs.

    Why does it take you so long to get over a breakup? Each one seems to take well over a year to get over.

    .
    as samvega pointed out in one of his threads (he likes infjs, or used to ) it takes us one year per month of relationship to get over it. i dunno about others, but i personally churn up everything in my head and wonder if i had done x, y, or z differently, would things have been better or worked. it's a part of seeing all possibilities in situations. that doesn't stop (for me) when a relationship stops; it's just another situation to ponder.

    Quote Originally Posted by Evan View Post
    Yup. Oops.
    omg! you aren't infj after all? haha. i am naturally curious if you and your infj gf are still having probs?

    EDIT: hahahaha. how ridiculous i sound!! it's as if now that you discovered you're intp, you automatically, in my mind, get along fabulously with your infj gf.

    Quote Originally Posted by jixmixfix View Post
    I don't get this thread ...If INFJS dissing other INFJS, If INFJS are so "distant" then leave them alone..let them be bitches..I knew a woman INFJ it was hard to get close to her, so w/e let them be.
    oh, but infj + istp = dontchaknow
    Last edited by AphroditeGoneAwry; 08-05-2009 at 06:22 PM.
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    The more one loves God, the more it is that having nothing in the world means everything, and the less one loves God, the more it is that having everything in the world means nothing.

    Do not resist an evil person, but to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer also the other. ~Matthew 5:39

    songofmary.wordpress.com


  5. #195
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    So, INFJs, feel free to disagree or anything.

    One thing that I slightly don't like about INFJs/ being one, is that we tend to live in the future. What I mean is, we all have this constructed future for ourselves and we keep adding and adding to it and we totally forget the present. It comes to a point when we're living the present for this future we created.

    And even when we do get to that future, it's like we don't even notice that we're there already and are on our way to creating the next future.

    So, we always are ahead of ourselves, maybe sometimes, not in a good way. I think this "future creating" is what's causing the perfectionism, or vice versa.

  6. #196
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    Quote Originally Posted by aphrodite-gone-awry View Post

    i love infps, i really do. i love the way they feel deeply for everything and everyone and their artsy way of being-their muses and rants.


    I hate that I can never seem to be there for INFJs the way they can for me. I can't shut off my brain and just listen to them like they do for me oh so effortlessly (or so it seems, anyways), soaking up everything I say like a sponge.

    I hate that they don't seem to ever need me quite as much as I do them, and I hate that I feel like a lost puppy every time I can't get into contact with them. I find myself wondering if I did something wrong. Did I upset you, or do you just need time away from the world?

    I hate how they know exactly what to say to calm me down and make me feel better, and yet I can never do them the same favor. I try, but I feel I completely fail in comparison.

    It seems like it is exhausting to be you. For once, I'd like to make you feel better too, y'know? I wish I knew how to make that so.
    4w3 sx/sp? INFP, INFp

  7. #197
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatusername View Post
    So, INFJs, feel free to disagree or anything.

    One thing that I slightly don't like about INFJs/ being one, is that we tend to live in the future. What I mean is, we all have this constructed future for ourselves and we keep adding and adding to it and we totally forget the present. It comes to a point when we're living the present for this future we created.

    And even when we do get to that future, it's like we don't even notice that we're there already and are on our way to creating the next future.

    So, we always are ahead of ourselves, maybe sometimes, not in a good way. I think this "future creating" is what's causing the perfectionism, or vice versa.
    i tried really hard, but never really got there, to 'live in the moment' like so many self-help books proclaim is best, and buddhism, etc. so it was a relief on many levels to find that as infj, our natural way of being is not to necessarily live in the moment, but to live in the future. of course, everything in moderation.

    but i know what you mean. i have been living in the future a lot lately, i think because my life isn't really going how i thought it was going to go at this stage of things. so i find myself in my head more and dreaming/contemplating about how to get there, or being depressed because i can't get there, instead of enjoying everything i have.

    before, (in my 20s and early 30s) when i was achieving my set goals, and life was falling into place as i was expecting it to, i was actually very, very content and found that i didn't really live in the future very much. i was always busy with something, and progressing, but i remember being able to feel content and very happy with where i was at in the moment.

    i still have snippets of that, but the contented moments are farther between now. it seems like i've gone about this whole thing backwards. i thought you are supposed to get MORE content as life goes along, not less. not that i'm not grateful for everything i have, i AM. it's just that i have to work harder at feeling grateful.
    Ni/Ti/Fe/Si
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    The more one loves God, the more it is that having nothing in the world means everything, and the less one loves God, the more it is that having everything in the world means nothing.

    Do not resist an evil person, but to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer also the other. ~Matthew 5:39

    songofmary.wordpress.com


  8. #198
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mystical_Spaghetti View Post


    I hate that I can never seem to be there for INFJs the way they can for me. I can't shut off my brain and just listen to them like they do for me oh so effortlessly (or so it seems, anyways), soaking up everything I say like a sponge.

    I hate that they don't seem to ever need me quite as much as I do them, and I hate that I feel like a lost puppy every time I can't get into contact with them. I find myself wondering if I did something wrong. Did I upset you, or do you just need time away from the world?

    I hate how they know exactly what to say to calm me down and make me feel better, and yet I can never do them the same favor. I try, but I feel I completely fail in comparison.

    It seems like it is exhausting to be you. For once, I'd like to make you feel better too, y'know? I wish I knew how to make that so.
    really? i think it must be exhausting to be you. my infp friend (and my son as well) have the most active minds i know. they never stop dillydallying around with sounds, ideas, thoughts, notions, make-believe, fantasies, and work.

    but you're right. i don't really turn to my infp friend when i need solace. i don't know why. she's very interested in helping me. i just don't need her. i have called her to vent before, and she listened to me admirably and said all the right things. so i guess, the best thing an infp can do for me is to lend me a good and empathetic ear.
    Ni/Ti/Fe/Si
    4w5 5w4 1w9
    ~Torah observant, Christ inspired~
    Life Path 11

    The more one loves God, the more it is that having nothing in the world means everything, and the less one loves God, the more it is that having everything in the world means nothing.

    Do not resist an evil person, but to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer also the other. ~Matthew 5:39

    songofmary.wordpress.com


  9. #199
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mystical_Spaghetti View Post


    I hate that I can never seem to be there for INFJs the way they can for me. I can't shut off my brain and just listen to them like they do for me oh so effortlessly (or so it seems, anyways), soaking up everything I say like a sponge.

    I hate that they don't seem to ever need me quite as much as I do them, and I hate that I feel like a lost puppy every time I can't get into contact with them. I find myself wondering if I did something wrong. Did I upset you, or do you just need time away from the world?

    I hate how they know exactly what to say to calm me down and make me feel better, and yet I can never do them the same favor. I try, but I feel I completely fail in comparison.

    It seems like it is exhausting to be you. For once, I'd like to make you feel better too, y'know? I wish I knew how to make that so.
    Flip side: I have 4 close INFP friends, and I always feel scared that they'd pull away from me when they think I don't need them. Truth is, I do.

    It's a problem, verbalizing need. I think. I do like communicating. I just feel guilty when I share whatever's wrong with me; I end up thinking that I'm such a downer/ Why am I monopolizing this conversation with my problems.

    But, I do need INFPs.
    Yes, I take it with no cream and no sugar.

    And yes, some of us drink it bitter.

  10. #200
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    Whatusername, there is another side to the 'living in the future' thing: the past is usually getting discarded way too easily. People who know how deep my emotions run, can't believe that I am so NOT nostalgic. That doesn't mean the past wasn't lovely, but, well, it's PAST. We hardly live in the present so asking us to live in memories and used-t-be's is really too much. Even in the area of getting over relationships – I think that where we have the problem is in this tendency to overanalyze. But personally I hardly ever miss people who have walked out of my life (or, umm, have been made to walk out…) never mind how close we used to be. It was great when you were there. Now you are not.

    For most INFJ's, I think our memory of the past is not even that good. Family and childhood friends can usually recall so many details I can't for the life of me remember. Of course we remember the important things – meaningful conversations, groundbreaking discoveries, and which character said what in the first book we ever read. But trivialities tend to vanish into oblivion.

    Here and there you can come across an INFJ sighing over something lost – but that has got to be REALLY big. When INFJ's miss something it's an open wound they can't forget and it has got be in the love-of-their-life scale. Other that than, I just can't recall myself, or any other INFJ, sighing over the good old days. The future is SO much more interesting…

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