[INFJ] Communication and sincerity

[Little Buddha]

I'm an INFJ and I truly dislike anything that's phoney, artificial and shallow.

When I was a child I was told that I was naive for believing too much in things that I heard or read. I had some sort of inherent ability to trust in people and believe that whatever they communicated held some sort of truth - I guess I transposed the way I communicate onto other people thinking they were much like me.

I've changed my view in the meantime though.

When I communicate it's of highly importance to me to be authentic and sincere. I even feel I have a personal and social responsibility to tell the truth, sometimes in all its complexities, and I have a very hard time to compromise this worth even though I know that it's necessary for me to do so in order to communicate in a more efficient manner.

Does anyone of you INFJ's (or other NF's) recognize this pattern of thought and feeling?

 

[vince]

Oh yeah. That's very familiar. All of it.

I also changed my view through adolescence, but never my attitude. I just communicate in a very open & honest way out of idealism. I don't think that's naieve. Eventhough I've been called naieve on numerous occasions.
To me, what is really naieve, is to behave closeminded and communicate in a defensive way. Because if you don't start with yourself then you can't expect of others to be aproachable, open, trustworthy, and so on.
Fortunately my intuïtion also makes me cautious enough around the "wrong" kind of people.

I've also experience most people refuse to give up their image, or character, for the higher good (ie. openly showing kindness, compassion, connecting ...).

 

[Haphazard]

You speak of truth and sincerity, of course all virtues...

But have you ever not been able to tell when you are lying?

 

[sriv]

I even feel I have a personal and social responsibility to tell the truth, sometimes in all its complexities, and I have a very hard time to compromise this worth even though I know that it's necessary for me to do so in order to communicate in a more efficient manner.

Not only to communicate in a more efficient manner, but to get your way on things as well.

 

[nightning]

Yes. For the longest time I dislike phoniness and shallow insincerity...

Only to realize that I am deceiving myself to think I'm not one as well. I'm a hypocrite.

It's all in how you look at it... the context. So I try to refrain judgment. Otherwise I would not be able to forgive myself.

 

[Seanan]

I'm an INFJ and I truly dislike anything that's phoney, artificial and shallow.

When I was a child I was told that I was naive for believing too much in things that I heard or read. I had some sort of inherent ability to trust in people and believe that whatever they communicated held some sort of truth - I guess I transposed the way I communicate onto other people thinking they were much like me.

I've changed my view in the meantime though.

When I communicate it's of highly importance to me to be authentic and sincere. I even feel I have a personal and social responsibility to tell the truth, sometimes in all its complexities, and I have a very hard time to compromise this worth even though I know that it's necessary for me to do so in order to communicate in a more efficient manner.

Does anyone of you INFJ's (or other NF's) recognize this pattern of thought and feeling?

I have the same issues. I think most use themselves as a yardstick with others and I learned the "hard way" too. I've never been able to let go of the authenticity thing and that, sadly, decreases my possibilities for a social life. I would usually rather be alone than around those I have to put on an act to get along with. Most people react to me as if I'm some sort of alien unless I put on what seem to me to be rather extreme social graces and, since I often don't know exactly what those are with this one or that, I just mainly keep to myself.

 

[alcea rosea]

I'm an INFJ and I truly dislike anything that's phoney, artificial and shallow.

When I was a child I was told that I was naive for believing too much in things that I heard or read. I had some sort of inherent ability to trust in people and believe that whatever they communicated held some sort of truth - I guess I transposed the way I communicate onto other people thinking they were much like me.

I've changed my view in the meantime though.

When I communicate it's of highly importance to me to be authentic and sincere. I even feel I have a personal and social responsibility to tell the truth, sometimes in all its complexities, and I have a very hard time to compromise this worth even though I know that it's necessary for me to do so in order to communicate in a more efficient manner.

Does anyone of you INFJ's (or other NF's) recognize this pattern of thought and feeling?

I am very much like what you described there.

 

[Thursday]

Yes

 

[SillySapienne]

For all intents and purposes I am allergic to phoniness, for upon my witnessing it I tend to get ill.

More so than content of what's being spoken, I value the sincerity of what's being spoken. I care about the truth, and I'll deal with the truth, no matter how disconcerting it may be.

 

[Haphazard]

Though I try and try, I still don't know how to tell the truth. I can sound quite sincere, but I still don't know if I say what I mean. Mostly, words just come out.

Would and NF tell me to stop talking, then?

 

[SillySapienne]

Though I try and try, I still don't know how to tell the truth. I can sound quite sincere, but I still don't know if I say what I mean. Mostly, words just come out.

Would and NF tell me to stop talking, then?

Do you know the "truth" yet refuse to communicate it, or do you not know the "truth" and hence cannot communicate something you do not know?

 

[Haphazard]

Do you know the "truth" yet refuse to communicate it, or do you not know the "truth" and hence cannot communicate something you do not know?

I don't know the truth, and even if I did know the truth I could not communicate it because I don't know how to communicate.

'Truth' is a simple, little five-letter word but it's very, very, very, very difficult to pin down, especially personal truths. There are things that are absolutely obvious that can be checked for truth, such as, "There is a doorknob on that door" (go check for doorknob), but anything greater than that is difficult to verify.

I don't intentionally lie. But I don't know if what I speak is truth, either.

 

[sriv]

I don't intentionally lie. But I don't know if what I speak is truth, either.

Same here, I just communicate with assumptions and educated guesses without going into the whole -find proof for your statement-.

 

[nightning]

^ as long as it is perceived as being unconscious... I think NFs are fairly tolerant. When it gets to the stage of being "how can you possibly not see yourself as being fake yet you do nothing to correct it" then you have it coming.

 

[sriv]

What's the big deal about speaking from your unconscious anyway? I think about what I am going to say before I say it. Does that make it adulterated?

 

[phoenix13]

I'm an INFJ and I truly dislike anything that's phoney, artificial and shallow.
...
When I communicate it's of highly importance to me to be authentic and sincere. I even feel I have a personal and social responsibility to tell the truth, sometimes in all its complexities, and I have a very hard time to compromise this worth even though I know that it's necessary for me to do so in order to communicate in a more efficient manner.

Does anyone of you INFJ's (or other NF's) recognize this pattern of thought and feeling?

Yes. That combined with dominant Ne means it takes me 5 years to express some theory I pulled out of my butt, and I usually end up on some tangent that I deem essential to the point. I try to say exactly what I mean, but there are just too many shades of meaning and not enough shades of lexium! Alas!

I also have an irrational hatred of fake flowers...

 

[Haphazard]

Okay, I'm going to go ahead and say my thoughts on the matter.

My expressions are quite transparent. It's very easy to tell when I'm upset, I think you're an idiot, or I'm in total bliss. This is why I never play poker.

Unfortunately these expressions often do not relate to the real world. They relate to whatever's going on in my head at that moment. Many people will think that there's something wrong with whatever's there at the current time when really there is not. Often I won't care to explain anything because 1) I know that they won't like it, 2) they won't understand it because it has nothing to do with anything at the present time or 3) by the time I finish explaining whatever I was thinking about in full, I would have already wasted about an hour of which I could be doing better, more productive things with my time.

Integrity is great and all but I often find myself remaining silent because there are some things that other people simply don't need to know. They may be lies through exclusion, but they're lies because whatever it is does not concern you, you needn't worry about it, and any explanation would be much more trouble than it's worth.

Now, NFs, does this make me a bad person? Does this make me artificial, fake, or shallow?

 

[phoenix13]

How could it? I don't define integrity as following the rules. While they do have value, rules can be used to save the obeyer from having to think/deliberate in a world of moral ambiguity. To apply the "Never lie/ Always tell the truth" law to the situation you described would be inappropriate, as:

whatever it is does not concern you, you needn't worry about it, and any explanation would be much more trouble than it's worth.

I didn't get the impression that that's what the OP meant (ie. you must tell the truth period). I interpreted Buddha as describing a sort of holy reverence for communication. Specifically, you should make the effort to make sure what you're saying is what you mean, and that that's what the other person understands, no matter how many words it takes. Hopefully Buddha will come back and enlighten us.

 

[Thursday]

I think about what I am going to say before I say it. Does that make it adulterated?

I say yes
much like a bowl of cereal and a spoon
you pick out what you consume,
favoring the marshmallow rainbow over that darn horse shoe
unless you close your eyes and eat
even so
you chose to eat a certain amount of cereal, via the bowl

or something like that
valid ?

 

[sriv]

Now, NFs, does this make me a bad person? Does this make me artificial, fake, or shallow?

I face a similar problem. At times, I do not show any facial expressions or body language at all. Does this make me a fake? I think when I get depressed, I get extremely apathetic.