[MBTI General] Just moved in with an INFJ!

[Habba]

Any survival tips? Are we already doomed?

If you (as an INFJ or NF) would move in with an ISTJ (or SJ), what would be the most likely reason for it not to work? What irritates you about us?

As we are both I and J, we both acknowledge each other's need for quiet and stable time at home (= no guys @ 11pm coming to watch a football match without a notice).

But what about me being a ST and she being NF? I already noticed I'm way more pragmatic than she is...

 

[Society]

Any survival tips? Are we already doomed?

If you (as an INFJ or NF) would move in with an ISTJ (or SJ), what would be the most likely reason for it not to work? What irritates you about us?

As we are both I and J, we both acknowledge each other's need for quiet and stable time at home (= no guys @ 11pm coming to watch a football match without a notice).

But what about me being a ST and she being NF? I already noticed I'm way more pragmatic than she is...

are you in a relationship or just room mates?

regarding the Ti(aux)<Fe(ter) vs. Fe(aux)<Ti(ter), take my word: don't argue logically against what she feels about what you feel that she feels that you feel (the chains go forever man just keep on with it).... it just doesn't work. let it express itself and if you disagree (let's say its something about you that you know is wrong), figure out a course of action or gesture to show her otherwise.

 

[ceecee]

Any survival tips? Are we already doomed?

If you (as an INFJ or NF) would move in with an ISTJ (or SJ), what would be the most likely reason for it not to work? What irritates you about us?

As we are both I and J, we both acknowledge each other's need for quiet and stable time at home (= no guys @ 11pm coming to watch a football match without a notice).

But what about me being a ST and she being NF? I already noticed I'm way more pragmatic than she is...

If nothing else, you being the SJ and she being the NF will be helpful, unless she doesn't subscribe to traditional gender roles. I'm betting that you do and that might be a problem.

 

[pinkgraffiti]

aren't you an ISTJ? is that match even possible?

 

[SilkRoad]

Any survival tips? Are we already doomed?

If you (as an INFJ or NF) would move in with an ISTJ (or SJ), what would be the most likely reason for it not to work? What irritates you about us?

As we are both I and J, we both acknowledge each other's need for quiet and stable time at home (= no guys @ 11pm coming to watch a football match without a notice).

But what about me being a ST and she being NF? I already noticed I'm way more pragmatic than she is...

If we're talking about just roommates, I think living with an ISTJ would be just fine for me unless they were super-anal or something! I've definitely had good ISTJ friends.

For a relationship, I'd actually quite like to be with an xSTJ, in theory anyway. I don't have a problem with traditional gender roles - well, I say that... I have issues circling round that area probably due to my enneagram 6; I'd like to be with a guy who took the lead in the relationship, but who also respected my autonomy (along with trust and caring, of course) - and that could be challenging.

But I like people who are practical and reliable. And I'm also a reasonably pragmatic INFJ. Based on INFJs I've known who've had relationships with xSTJs, the problems seem to circle around the xSTJ being oblivious to the INFJ's emotions, and the INFJ getting upset when the xSTJ can't read their mind. I think in some ways IxxJs generally go well together (my best friends, and my family, are mostly IxxJs) but xSTJ and INFJ seem to experience a lot of major communication problems.

 

[Winds of Thor]

I would do the, you know, be kind and respectful..do your part around the house...dishes, trash, cleaning etc.

I'd make sure boundaries were established first. Rules are necessary to have a stable, civil home (My parents and my sister are all SJs so I undertand this is essential) where everyone deserves to be able to expect to be able to come home to a peaceful home, a safe place.

I'd be finding out quickly her version of home living and living together.

INFJs generally don't like a lot of rules (neither do ENTPs) but you all ought to get that established stability so everyone might have a peaceful place to live.

 

[Society]

INFJs generally don't like a lot of rules (neither do ENTPs) but you all ought to get that established stability so everyone might have a peaceful place to live.

they do suffer from the same conditions other judging types seem to have - the need for an organized environment to keep an organized mind. an ISTJ would just be a little bit more exreme but they'd be facing the same direction.

 

[Winds of Thor]

I've lived with one.
Here's a thought..How old is your roommate?
ISTJs are generally really stable and orderly, rules are good and civility is valued and expected.
Is your roommate respectful? Are they 'independent' and 'closed off' in communication? Or will they have a conversation with you with whatever you ask about?
Would you entertain...I'd be paying close attention to any cues because what seems like a small problem, if your values are significantly different, could possibly turn into something neither of you want. And that home life would be really unpleasant.
I'd be thinking about what fits your style. For both of your health.

 

[Society]

I've lived with one.

yours didn't suffer from that condition?

 

[Winds of Thor]

yours didn't suffer from that condition?

Nah she was very unhealthy. Spilled food in the middle of the walkway and left it there for days.

 

[Society]

Nah she was very unhealthy. Spilled food in the middle of the walkway and left it there for days.

i'm jelous. mine was obsessed - loosing herself if the environment isn't organized, getting real joy from a cleaned carpet... which i guess not really obsessed but.. relatively to me it is anyway. about to the same extent that other INFJs i've talked to have tastified to be.

 

[Winds of Thor]

i'm jelous. mine was obsessed - loosing herself if the environment isn't organized, getting real joy from a cleaned carpet... which i guess not really obsessed but.. relatively to me it is anyway. about to the same extent that other INFJs i've talked to have tastified to be.

I never saw any joy expressed in having a clean place.

Edit: Could be because, as the Reformer w/ Advocate wing, Enneagram 1w9, there could have been an attitude of 'no letting up, nothing is ever good enough', which is arguably an intrinsic INFJ thing so this reinforced this more even. So if such joy were there, it might have lasted like a second and I didn't see it.

Edit: I feel the cleanliness thing's a joy..I keep a place clean.

Reminds me..Have you ever been around someone where 'the finish line is always moved forward'?

 

[Wanderer]

First:

aren't you an ISTJ? is that match even possible?

XD - this comment made me laugh - I'm an INFJ w/an ISTJ, and so far it's been infinitely better than my previous relationships with an ENFP and the ENTP I dated before that. (No offense, they're both great personality types, but there's a LOT that makes being with an ISTJ better in a different way)

Any survival tips? Are we already doomed?

If you (as an INFJ or NF) would move in with an ISTJ (or SJ), what would be the most likely reason for it not to work? What irritates you about us?

As we are both I and J, we both acknowledge each other's need for quiet and stable time at home (= no guys @ 11pm coming to watch a football match without a notice).

But what about me being a ST and she being NF? I already noticed I'm way more pragmatic than she is...

There's going to be a lot of give and take, at least such has been my experience.

Trust her intuition. The average ISTJ doesn't quite understand Ni (then again, I don't understand it all the time) however, it is usually right - so trust it (and the INFJ) At the same time, the INFJ needs to make an effort to quantify *why* they intuitively feel a certain way. My dad is an ISTJ engineer and I've had many many years to learn how to explain my gut feelings.

Your INFJ needs to learn to be somewhat pragmatic - and you need to keep in mind that not everything has to be pragmatic

This might be unique to my relationship, but (I think anyway) because ISTJ's have Fi you're not usually comfortable discussing your innermost feelings; But I'm an INFJ, so I'm usually pretty good at instinctively knowing what a person is feeling. So there have been a couple times where I've had to sit down with with my ISTJ and pull out exactly what she's feeling and why, and what's wrong - I'm just glad she trusts me enough to let me do that.

So as long as you're okay with your INFJ digging into the deep recesses of that great big heart you ISTJ's are so good at keeping hidden and protected, I think you'll be fine ^_^

House keeping wise, I've seen tremendous variance in ISTJ and INFJ living styles - extremes at both end of the spectrum. The ISTJ's I've known are creatures of habit, so as long as your habits aren't difficult to live with it shouldn't be an issue.

 

[Habba]

are you in a relationship or just room mates?

regarding the Ti(aux)<Fe(ter) vs. Fe(aux)<Ti(ter), take my word: don't argue logically against what she feels about what you feel that she feels that you feel (the chains go forever man just keep on with it).... it just doesn't work. let it express itself and if you disagree (let's say its something about you that you know is wrong), figure out a course of action or gesture to show her otherwise.

It's a Relationship, and knowing both types, we are serious.

Thanks to an INFJ friend I have, I've come to respect INFJ "feelings" as legitimate facts. Surprisingly, they often are facts... INFJs just can't put them into logical sentences.
On the other hand I'm the underdog when it comes to discussing real feelings. She's so full of them, and I generally have very little of them. Thus, we have agreed that she's the heart and I'm the brains. Together we make a good team. (That's actually the thing that we both love the most about us.)

If nothing else, you being the SJ and she being the NF will be helpful, unless she doesn't subscribe to traditional gender roles. I'm betting that you do and that might be a problem.

Sorry, but you've just lost a bet. If anything, she's the man (drives a car, drinks beer and swears more) and I'm the woman (giving instructions from passenger's seat, always worrying if she's eating right...).
Seriously now... I think she's bit more inclined into gender roles than I am, but on average we both are very far removed from the gender roles (but then again so is finnish culture as whole). Neither of us take no particular pride of one's gender.

 

[Habba]

I'm an INFJ w/an ISTJ, and so far it's been infinitely better than my previous relationships with an ENFP and the ENTP I dated before that. (No offense, they're both great personality types, but there's a LOT that makes being with an ISTJ better in a different way)

Is it because of the stability and quietness I mentioned?

*
This might be unique to my relationship, but (I think anyway) because ISTJ's have Fi you're not usually comfortable discussing your innermost feelings; But I'm an INFJ, so I'm usually pretty good at instinctively knowing what a person is feeling. So there have been a couple times where I've had to sit down with with my ISTJ and pull out exactly what she's feeling and why, and what's wrong - I'm just glad she trusts me enough to let me do that.

So as long as you're okay with your INFJ digging into the deep recesses of that great big heart you ISTJ's are so good at keeping hidden and protected, I think you'll be fine ^_^

I know exactly what you mean.

*
House keeping wise, I've seen tremendous variance in ISTJ and INFJ living styles - extremes at both end of the spectrum. The ISTJ's I've known are creatures of habit, so as long as your habits aren't difficult to live with it shouldn't be an issue.

Are you also very very very paranoid about not leaving the stove on (even though it has been two days since you last used them?), or that all the windows and doors are closed & locked when you leave the house? How many times you need to check that the door is really locked? And do you also ask your ISTJ to check them after you have checked them?

 

[Society]

Edit: Could be because, as the Reformer w/ Advocate wing, Enneagram 1w9, there could have been an attitude of 'no letting up, nothing is ever good enough', which is arguably an intrinsic INFJ thing so this reinforced this more even. So if such joy were there, it might have lasted like a second and I didn't see it.

generally this wasn't the case with my INFJ at all - only during the last few months when things got bad and she was under a lot of stress.
she does exhibit some stress-symptoms of type 1, and it would probably show up in her tri-type, but i doubt its her main type.

Edit: I feel the cleanliness thing's a joy..I keep a place clean.

really?

i don't, and both from my exp and in INFJ-ENTP relationship conversations i've seen elsewhere, the dynamic can be described as
"god damn those messy ENTPs what does it take to get you to pick up your socks? sex?" vs. "yes, sex would be an awesome reason to pick up our socks".

don't you find that you need a chaotic environment to function right? maybe not the entire environment, but that if you don't have at least a corner where you can have messy unpiled papers and writings and a computer with a few dozen RAM-robbing tabs, you have a hard time returning to your previous unprocessed chains of thoughts and bubbling mental connections? that you need the mess of idea-ingridiants made for your still unknown recepies so you can come back and cook it some more?

Reminds me..Have you ever been around someone where 'the finish line is always moved forward'?

no... not really. but i suppose i do that when things don't go my way. i never give up a finish line, if i don't have what it takes to pull it off now i put it on the side for the day i either see an oppertunity to do so or feel resourceful enough to make an oppertunity. and FYI - that includes my plans to be an astronaut or a king from when i was 7.

 

[Winds of Thor]

It's a Relationship, and knowing both types, we are serious.

That's really good to hear. You're on a good track.

I always felt hurt someway or another because I thought of and called us 'we' and she called us 'you'. And 'me'.

 

[Society]

Thanks to an INFJ friend I have, I've come to respect INFJ "feelings" as legitimate facts. Surprisingly, they often are facts... INFJs just can't put them into logical sentences.

as facts about what they feel, yes. as facts about the subjects of their feelings, from my exp that reverance is often undesreved.

the one thing people seem to mistake a lot is to think of cognitive functions as bloody super powers, and it's not:
Ni is the pattern-finding process that goes in the back of our heads, it doesn't have a magical connection with the fabric of spacetime to know the one true meanings.
Ne isn't a portal in the back of our heads to all the infinite possibilities of the freaking multiverse, human imagination is awesome but it has it's limits.
Fi doesn't have a divine connection to the objective moral code the universe forgot to tell us about, there is no innate capacity to know what's "really right or wrong"
Fe doesn't come with telepathy, what you think others expeirence is only what you think, and no matter what you combine it you can always be wrong.
Ti isn't the singularity of socratic computing, we build on assumptions, we miss things, we make connections we forget to filter and we filter out connections we shouldn't.
etc..

 

[Winds of Thor]

generally this wasn't the case with my INFJ at all - only during the last few months when things got bad and she was under a lot of stress.

Being aware of those closest to us during our worst days will allow us access to them during theirs.

really?

Yes. I'm generally pretty well organized. I got it from my SJ family upbringing.

i don't, and both from my exp and in INFJ-ENTP relationship conversations i've seen elsewhere, the dynamic can be described as
"god damn those messy ENTPs what does it take to get you to pick up your socks? sex?" vs. "yes, sex would be an awesome reason to pick up our socks".

I think she was extremely unhealthy..one reason was that one time unexpectedly I got scolded for not doing the laundry while par for the course all other times was a place only semi-organized. Out-of-the-blue attack.

don't you find that you need a chaotic environment to function right? maybe not the entire environment, but that if you don't have at least a corner where you can have messy unpiled papers and writings and a computer with a few dozen RAM-robbing tabs, you have a hard time returning to your previous unprocessed chains of thoughts and bubbling mental connections? that you need the mess of idea-ingridiants made for your still unknown recepies so you can come back and cook it some more?

I do get what you're saying though..getting inspired from different combinations of external objects in different configurations. Not to deflate a balloon here..everyone does what makes sense for them..I often dismiss some of those piles as not relevant to new ideas or creative thinking and 'trade' them for some neatness. Just my choice. Although, if I'm working on something creative I do like a mess to see possibilities. Good idea!

I could've said that better...have you ever known someone who you learned you could never live up to their expectations. Their expectations you learned, were ad nauseum where the finish line for you in their expectations of you was always moving and never satisfied.

FYI - that includes my plans to be an astronaut or a king from when i was 7.

Awesome!

 

[Wanderer]

Is it because of the stability and quietness I mentioned?

YES. I can be extraverted for brief periods, but (especially my ENFP ex) LOVED parties and mixers and being out with people.. and I would come home utterly exhausted. I love that my ISTJ will happily curl up next to me on the sofa for a quiet evening. The dependability and ability to say what you mean and keep your word is also VERY appreciated.

Are you also very very very paranoid about not leaving the stove on (even though it has been two days since you last used them?), or that all the windows and doors are closed & locked when you leave the house? How many times you need to check that the door is really locked? And do you also ask your ISTJ to check them after you have checked them?

..okay, I admit, I lock, unlock, and re-lock doors (I'll also test my weight against them, just to be sure they can't be easily forced) and I do a perimeter check every night before bed to make certain there are no open or unlocked windows/doors of wherever I'm staying..
And I'll usually do one extra check of whatever - for example, last time I was in a hotel I packed everything, took it out to the car.. and then rechecked the whole room to be sure I didn't forget anything.

So.. My guess is that your INFJ shares a little of my paranoia. Asking you to check after her probably gives her a peace of mind. Which, on the plus side means she trusts you.
But, uh. Yeah it's a little on the silly side. XD - I don't know if this paranoia is peculiar to INFJ's or if it's just happenstance. Bear with it? I don't quite know here xD