[MBTI General] What good would an NF see in an NT as a romantic partner?

[Antimony]

I was thinking about how much I like NF's, especially ENFJ and INFJ types (ones with Fe), because I really like a girl who is empathetic and nurturing. I guess I never really thought much about how others might not be interested in that at all. I also realized that I have no idea why someone would be romantically interested in an NT, with the exception of girls liking ENTJ's.

I can be very empathetic and nurturing. However, I can also be cold and insensitive. It's just not my preferred mode of decision making.

I'd break it down like this:

ENTJ - some people would like their leadership, their focus, their competence, and possibly even their money

INTJ - some people would like their intelligence, their wit, and they're good at many things.

ENTP - they can be funny and good sources of information to analyze, but it's INTP's who really like analyzing info all day.

INTP - they can be really unusual and funny, and they are very low maintenance and are often okay staring at the ceiling or the wall for hours depending on which comfortable position they happen to be in, although, they'd rather be reading a book, playing a video game, watching a video, or surfing the web. A lack of hygiene and/or grooming and a lack of social interactions, or at least comfortable, high quality social interactions, can help ensure that your INTP will be yours exclusively.

All of that stuff sounds so cold and unappealing to me, and I can't understand why somebody would want to be in a relationship for any of that without it being based in fear or compromise.

Lol, all that INTP stuff applies to me perfectly. Minus the lack of hygiene. Grooming? Overrated

You are simplifying too much.

INTPs can be very socially adept. Some of the sexiest men I have ever met/seen are INTPs. They're just different, like most intuitives.

 

[Mia.]

For some reason, I've wound up being friends with NT people, and feeling more comfortable with them, than F people. I think this is because my F is really internalized. I moan and groan on occasion, but only a lucky few get to hear my scathing thoughts

Right there with ya.

 

[funkadelik]

INTP - they can be really unusual and funny, and they are very low maintenance and are often okay staring at the ceiling or the wall for hours depending on which comfortable position they happen to be in, although, they'd rather be reading a book, playing a video game, watching a video, or surfing the web. A lack of hygiene and/or grooming and a lack of social interactions, or at least comfortable, high quality social interactions, can help ensure that your INTP will be yours exclusively.

All of that stuff sounds so cold and unappealing to me, and I can't understand why somebody would want to be in a relationship for any of that without it being based in fear or compromise.

Huh...what about that is cold and unappealing? What would a warm, appealing person be like/do with their time?

To me that sounds like a lot of fun but, then again, I tend to be attracted to IxTPs in general for how low-maintenance they are (being low maintenance, myself).

And yeah, you're oversimplifying things. We're not 2-dimensional creatures. Plenty of NTs are capable of deep feeling and compassion and plenty of NFs are adept at deductive reasoning and logic. You lock into where those things overlap and hey, you've got compatibility.

Not just fear and compromise.

 

[Winds of Thor]

Plenty of NTs are capable of deep feeling and compassion and plenty of NFs are adept at deductive reasoning and logic. You lock into where those things overlap and hey, you've got compatibility.

Not just fear and compromise.

+1

 

[Nagulagi]

I'm new here but couldn't help responding.

As an NF in a relationship with an xNTP.
There's a lot of good: He can stop me on my tracks when my brain starts to run off into a spider wed of imaginary worries and speculation and show me a more rational perspective. He's incredibly witty and funny, and on a good day our unique insanities come together to form great humorous verbal play. Being very compassionate myself, I can be there to calm him down and encourage him to see the positive side of things when the load of his never-ending projects becomes too stressful. We both love adventure and learning new things.

But there are certain areas where we recently have struggled so much, that at times it seems hopeless:
1) He has a hard time dealing with my scatter-brainedness, whimsicalness and unpredictability. These, combined with the fact that being sometimes not-so-good at talking about my needs openly makes me seem very inconsistent to him.
2) I have a hard time dealing with his strict opinions, his way of dismissing anything not of interest to him, and then dwelling on that which is of his interest 24/7 — and seemingly forgetting that I am a person with interests, needs and aspirations as well.

But here's the biggie:
3) He speaks his mind readily and he is especially quick to judge, when he thinks something is WRONG. When it's about someone or something else, I can mostly respond with understanding (but I will have to bite my tongue a lot not to step up to defend the criticized and offer a positive outlook). However, living together with someone in a close relationship, the one who does wrong, every once in a while, ends up being ME.

And then I want to run. I can take criticism when it's presented calmly and constructively. But his is full of complaint and judgement. Combined with the fact that he is not very verbal about complimenting me, the majority of his "assessments" of me end up being negative — and this is where we clash. Like a text-book INFP/J, I am adverse to conflict and my response is to first try to ignore, and when that fails fight back with all my irrationality. The result is never pretty.

We are both trying to learn each other's ways and the most important accommodations seem to be
1) for me to calm down, breathe, and remember that criticism doesn't mean I'm a bad person or that the criticizer hates me AND when speaking about my own feelings to try to be clear and concise so his brain can process them.
2) for him to tone down to blame and judge-mentality and try to add some compliment into his complaints, so the negativity won't grow too strong AND instead of advice and rational reasoning, when I have feelings to share with him, to offer me acceptance and understanding.

Well, it's a work-in-progress. We both have some growing up to do.

 

[StarsPer]

I'm an INFJ and I've yet to find an INTP that has what it takes

 

[Winds of Thor]

I'm an INFJ and I've yet to find an INTP that has what it takes

Nobody has everything it takes. That's where love comes in. Get used to disappointment.

 

[raindancing]

For whatever reason, I find the combination of Ti and Ne incredibly sexy… cool confidence, fuck the world independence, sharp wit, playfulness, endless spiraling discussions… yeah I pretty much melt.
Also (at least from my experience) there is an amazing amount of passion when they're in love, which is pretty overwhelming to find under the chillness. (Did I mention, fantastic hands? Am I rambling? I’ll stop now.)

 

[FFF]

For whatever reason, I find the combination of Ti and Ne incredibly sexy… cool confidence, fuck the world independence, sharp wit, playfulness, endless spiraling discussions… yeah I pretty much melt.
Also (at least from my experience) there is an amazing amount of passion when they're in love, which is pretty overwhelming to find under the chillness. (Did I mention, fantastic hands? Am I rambling? I’ll stop now.)

I can pretty much deliver everything you said. Glad to hear someone likes it, and an INFP at that.

 

[boondocked]

Plenty of NTs are capable of deep feeling and compassion and plenty of NFs are adept at deductive reasoning and logic. You lock into where those things overlap and hey, you've got compatibility.

Not just fear and compromise.

I can attest! I'm dating a clearly-expressed ENTP and I'm your typical NF idealist, but it works well because, at the heart of it, we're two thinking people with tons of feelings. His are a little harder to access, and he often seems unaware of 'em, but they are _every bit_ as strong as mine. By the same coin, I may not make my big decisions based on his style of calm, cool analysis, but I can hold my own in an intellectual debate, and we spend loads of time verbally sparring, just for fun. As in everything, your mileage may vary.

Also, I can attest to the sexiness of the INTP! One of the most talented kids in my grad program was an INTP (took the test and everything), and eeeeeverybody wanted him, NF and otherwise. He was so creative and intelligent and witty and iconoclastic. These traits, which are highly highly valued in my field, seemed to give him confidence too. It was almost intimidating. Anyways, yes. Appealing.

 

[Society]

Plenty of NTs are capable of deep feeling and compassion and plenty of NFs are adept at deductive reasoning and logic. You lock into where those things overlap and hey, you've got compatibility.

most of the time, yes. but as far as i can tell form both exp and the Jung's descriptions, the real key difference between T>F functions and F>T functions seem to be when they come into conflict, which means an NF will have a more difficult time accepting a thought that doesn't correspond with their feelings, and an NT will have a harder time accepting feelings that don't correspond with what they think.

I think N/S differences result in differing values more so than difficulty communicating.

i find it interesting that you often see people attesting to Ni-Ne brainstorms and Se-Si dances, but you rarely hear anything positive about Fe/Fi or Te/Ti interactions complementing each other that easily, and when they do get along they rarely seem to result in any chemistry or sparks. based on the same mythical coupling, you'd think INTPs would be attracted to dominant Te users, such as ENTJ/ESTJ, but i have never seen it to be the case. it seems apposing orientations on perception functions tend to complete, while apposing orientations on judgmental functions tend to compete.

 

[FFF]

i find it interesting that you often see people attesting to Ni-Ne brainstorms and Se-Si dances, but you rarely hear anything positive about Fe/Fi or Te/Ti interactions complementing each other that easily, and when they do get along they rarely seem to result in any chemistry or sparks. based on the same mythical coupling, you'd think INTPs would be attracted to dominant Te users, such as ENTJ/ESTJ, but i have never seen it to be the case. it seems apposing orientations on perception functions tend to complete, while apposing orientations on judgmental functions tend to compete.

ENTJs make good managers. I can respect that, but they look at you like, "What are you useful for?" They don't care too much about all the useless stuff you wanna think about as an INTP.

 

[Society]

ENTJs make good managers. I can respect that, but they look at you like, "What are you useful for?" They don't care too much about all the useless stuff you wanna think about as an INTP.

see the whole basis for the MBTI mythical-couples such as INTJs and ENFPs or ENTPs and INFJs and that sort of crap is the idea that we are attracted to people of the apposing dominant-function orientation, which is why those couples go for the Ni/Ne junk.

but it seems to me that out of those mythical pairings, its just the ones that are based on perceiving functions that actually seem to show up a lot (to the point of being ridicule worthy as stereotypes and bad dating advice), while the pairings based on apposing, judgmental functions seem to be so theoretical you never actually see them, and instead you get those types with dominant judgement functions to more often have apposing-orientations in their secondary perceiving functions (a.k.a. still keeping with the Ni/Ne and Si/Se theme)...

FYI - the idea that NF women are more nurturing... i don't know man. i've seen NTs who are quite giving, and my anecdotal exp with NF is more along the lines of "is more likely to form an idealized giving and nurturing self image of herself and sell you on it under delusional honesty while in practice being a self centered black hole of take take take pulling everything good with the immense power of blind stubbornness", and while i am hopeful that i was just exceptionally unlucky to be with a seriously unhealthy example, it does punch holes in the generalization for me.

 

[raindancing]

FYI - the idea that NF women are more nurturing... i don't know man. i've seen NTs who are quite giving, and my anecdotal exp with NF is more along the lines of "is more likely to form an idealized giving and nurturing self image of herself and sell you on it under delusional honesty while in practice being a self centered black hole of take take take pulling everything good with the immense power of blind stubbornness", and while i am hopeful that i was just exceptionally unlucky to be with a seriously unhealthy example, it does punch holes in the generalization for me.

I don't really know if I would describe myself as particularly nurturing... I don't know. Fi doesn't seem intrinsically nurturing to me. Perhaps it depends on the definition. In any case, I don't think I fit the societal view of how a woman should be nurturing. But I certainly don't idealize myself, so that's something.

I'm not sure why I'm even posting this. There are so many varying connotations to the term nurturing, does anyone even hold the same conception in their head? I doubt something so vague can be generalized as one type being more so than others. One person's nurturing might be another person's cloying might be another person's something that I can't think of... now I'm rambling and it's not the point of the thread anyway.

As far as NTs, my INTP is nurturing to a degree that would probably surprise many people. Sometimes I feel he's better than me at it... It's a very private side that's incredibly endearing.

 

[The Great One]

Probably a shared interest in theoretical ideas.

 

[Myrtle]

FYI - the idea that NF women are more nurturing... i don't know man. i've seen NTs who are quite giving, and my anecdotal exp with NF is more along the lines of "is more likely to form an idealized giving and nurturing self image of herself and sell you on it under delusional honesty while in practice being a self centered black hole of take take take pulling everything good with the immense power of blind stubbornness", and while i am hopeful that i was just exceptionally unlucky to be with a seriously unhealthy example, it does punch holes in the generalization for me.

HAHAHAHA I could take that word for word to describe my last relationship witch was with a INFP girl (she typed as INTP but I think it was incorrect), leaving me drained afterwards giving all i got to build her up to a level where she felt like "you are not useful anymore, i dont need a shoulder to cry on", atleast that my analysis of it all.

However it wasent her fault. I think the words you wrote sounds harsh and judgemental (but sometimes its simply the truth of how things is not putting any blame on anyone).

OnT: I love NF types, I have loads of NT friends and i love spending time with them but i could never see myself with an NT as a pair, possibly an INTJ. I have NF friends aswell that i like alot, somehow they always seem really interested and well theres something there that makes me relaxed and a lot of the time feeling like they are there for you, with NTs its usually turns into a competition.

 

[INTP]

with NTs its usually turns into a competition.

i compete better than you

 

[Myrtle]

i compete better than you

Im sure you do, at meticulously plotting out every step of the way ruining the fun of spontanously generating ideas. You can be useful sometimes as a spring board for ideas to help with your Ti we can say you win at that... :hi:

 

[INTP]

Im sure you do, at meticulously plotting out every step of the way ruining the fun of spontanously generating ideas. You can be useful sometimes as a spring board for ideas to help with your Ti we can say you win at that... :hi:

but what the competition is really about is spontaneously generating ideas how to win other NTs. btw its not Ti thats a spring board for ideas, its the Ne ideas which work as a spring board for Ti analysis

 

[skylights]

FYI - the idea that NF women are more nurturing... i don't know man. i've seen NTs who are quite giving, and my anecdotal exp with NF is more along the lines of "is more likely to form an idealized giving and nurturing self image of herself and sell you on it under delusional honesty while in practice being a self centered black hole of take take take pulling everything good with the immense power of blind stubbornness", and while i am hopeful that i was just exceptionally unlucky to be with a seriously unhealthy example, it does punch holes in the generalization for me.

The problem with that idea is that any N type is going to be more about theoretics and less about application. So we might be very nurturing in terms of our values, and in terms of how we want to help, but that's not always going to translate into reality - like you said, idealized giving and self image. All that stuff gets really caught up in our heads. We're better at thinking about this stuff than actually enacting it, especially NFPs. NFJs have a little more external ambition, but the downside of Ni, as always, is it can create a very narrow idealized path. ENFJ probably comes closest to being truly nurturing, secondly INFP, being a dominant Feeler. ENFPs and INFJs, you must remember, are dominant iNtuitors - we are thinkers before nurturers. I believe the same is true of NTs and logic - you are better at conceptualizing it than actually enacting it, though ENTJ comes close.