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Thread: The feeling that others are going to leave or betray

  1. #11
    Junior Member Array Catoptric Cistula's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    5w6 so/sp


    I've often been preoccupied with the idea, and have often been concerned that I lack similarities to most people. If someone tries to engage me in more than passing interest I will often remain quiet and avoidant.

  2. #12
    A window to the soul


    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    I have been struggling somewhat with a feeling that ultimately everyone - or virtually everyone - is going to leave me or let me down so badly that they can't really stay in my life.
    It's probably normal to feel a little vulnerable when you care about people.

    I tend to think that if people act without regard for my feelings, they deserve whatever they get in regard to their own feelings. But, to some people, that's a very cold attitude. And I'm well capable of it under certain circumstances. I know that I'm not very likely to act with a sufficient lack of care over people's feelings that they simply drop me and walk away, but if I'm ready to do it to them, then maybe I shouldn't be surprised if they someday do it to me...
    Awe, come on, don't do that. You have the power of God's love on your side to overcome all of that and make peace with your friends.

    None of us are perfect, and eventually friends will disappoint. Have you tried focusing on your greater feelings when you start to feel bad?
    Last edited by A window to the soul; 03-01-2012 at 12:17 AM.

  3. #13
    small potatoes Array NotOfTwo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010



    I always relate to your posts on this topic so much. It is hard stuff.
    "It's never enough." The Cure

  4. #14
    Senior Member Array Viridian's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010


    Quote Originally Posted by Avatar7 View Post
    That's terrible! Well the good thing about people is that we're strong and come back. You posting this shows you care. So what made the difference between not having any close friends to posting this on here? You're making progress!
    Th-thanks! Yeah, I need to learn how to deal with my insecurities...
    Tentative typing: ISFJ 6w5 or 9w1 (Sp/S[?]).

  5. #15
    Lay the coin on my tongue Array SilkRoad's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    6w5 sp/sx


    Hey, thank you very much everyone...I would like to respond in more detail to your individual responses but just don't think it's going to happen at this moment (seem to be doing this a lot lately!). But, one thing occurred to me, which might have exacerbated this feeling, I have been in a time period lately where people genuinely do seem to be "leaving" or my relationships with them have significantly changed or they may leave. I mean, even just physically leave, and I know that doesn't necessarily mean the end of a friendship but it necessarily changes things, at least, and sometimes it does mean friendships peter out. I live in a big busy city which can be rather isolating and at least one of my good friends is planning to leave town this year...well, probably leave the continent...and another has been talking about it, and it just scares me a bit. And I've experienced a distancing in one of my closest friendships, partly due to some trust issues and partly because her life has changed pretty drastically and we have less in common now. Etc...

    A couple of years ago, an old family friend died, who was just a little older than my parents, and as well as feeling very sad about it I had this terrible, frightening feeling like something was going to happen to my parents. It was very weird. I guess because he was one of their peers, basically, and it was pretty unexpected. My family has lost a lot of friends and family members through death over the years and I have a bit of a "who's next?" feeling in the back of my mind, always. My dad had cancer ten years ago and though he fully recovered and it hasn't returned, the spectre came really close that time. Add that to relationships of every kind being under attack these days through pressures and selfishness and all kinds of things, and things just feel so transient. Even when I found out my building had been sold and I had to move house, which in a way isn't such a big deal (and I have found a new place to live!), it just added to that "everything is transient in this world" feeling.

    EDIT: I suspect part of my problem here is what seems to be my INFJ tendency to make everything into a grand pattern, or to make everything about everything else. So, for instance, it's not just one failed friendship or relationship, or one friend who's probably moving away (an experience I've had many times admittedly). It's more like "everyone always leaves, everything always comes to an end...waaaahhhhhh"
    Enneagram 6w5 sp/sx


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