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  1. #1
    Senior Member think2much's Avatar
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    Default Can you ever let your guard down?

    Over the years I noticed if I show my weakness or some side of me people tend to avoid me.

    Now everyone has some sort of guard when around people but when can you be truly yourself? I'm starting to learn that if you want someone to stick with you; never show any unhealthy personality traits.

    It's pretty depressing that nobody will truly love the real me. I don't think I can ever let my guard down to anyone and why should I? when it's all unhealthy and negative it's better if they didn't know.

  2. #2
    morose bourgeoisie
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    Catch-22. If you never reveal yourself, you will never open the door so others want to know you.

    So take a risk. Be open and someone will open up too. Most people have a thick protective shell, so you have start the conversation.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Survive & Stay Free's Avatar
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    I reckon that's the modern existential dilemma right there, there's too many games players and people deploying scripts which got stamped on them in childhood or as a result of something traumatic for anyone to take the risk of attempting to be authentic.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Silveresque's Avatar
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    Well, you'll never know if you don't try. If you're afraid of being judged or disliked for being the real you, then all you have to do is find someone who won't judge you, who will just listen and be accepting and open. Maybe you've tried with people in the past and gotten hurt, but maybe you just haven't tried with the right people yet.
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  5. #5
    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
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    You also get more comfortable letting your guard down when you realize that you can survive it. But, you need to risk to get that experience in the first place.

  6. #6
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    Overall, no. You never do.

    Certain situations, people, and aspects get granted that privilege of seeing your guard down.. but overall not really.
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  7. #7
    Senior Member Forever_Jung's Avatar
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    Every time I let my guard down, people don't like it, but the rare person will accept it. I really appreciate people who allow it, it's probably a peak experience when I find someone like that.

    Knowing how sucky it is to feel unable to let my guard down, I do my utmost to make people confiding in me feel unconditionally accepted and understood, even if sometimes I can't help but privately think "yikes!". Usually I don't, but some things can just startle and alarm you. I know that's probably morally wrong to pretend I am totally cool with something when I'm not, but people just need to feel completely accepted sometimes. I'm just not good enough to truly be okay with EVERY part of someone. I assume my friends do the same for me.
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  8. #8
    royal member Rasofy's Avatar
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    Sounds like you have to work on the real you first.
    -----------------

    A man builds. A parasite asks 'Where is my share?'
    A man creates. A parasite says, 'What will the neighbors think?'
    A man invents. A parasite says, 'Watch out, or you might tread on the toes of God... '


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  9. #9
    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
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    I pretty much never let my guard down. There are only 2 people that I've been truly open with.

    I do reveal a lot about myself and my thought processes, to the point where other people probably think my guard is down. But I'm pretty sure it's just a part of my guard.

  10. #10
    In orbit
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    I think for your own sake you've got to find a balance where you're comfortable being yourself to a reasonable degree, where you don't feel like you're hiding, but you're not compelled to show everything about yourself, warts and all.
    To be genuine, but also have privacy. I'm sure you will get the balance right, with practice and can find people who appreciate the real you. Where you feel like you're appreciated for your unique characteristics but are comftorable with having privacy too.
    No one can truly understand us completely, but we can strive to understand and appreciate ourselves in good company.
    @Evan That's a problem I've had too. I was troubled because I wasn't sure if I am too secretive. People think they know me very well, but they tend to know select sides to me, yet missing some very vital pieces of information. Like a puzzle with some pieces missing.
    I was just recently discussing MBTI with a friend in the context of career counsel. She and another friend had had a lot of success with it. they were trying to help me not be a penniless artist and getting a real job, but obviously the typical INFJ jobs aren't exactly moneymakers... ;d So I told her that MBTI already confirmed my fears that I am doing what I'm suited to do. She asked what other options were there and I mentioned, Clergy. She laughed and said " But you're not religious at all"... That's completely inaccurate and she's one of my closest friends... :/
    But at the end of the day she may not know every fact about me but she's been around me for years and knows my character and behaviour. That's enough. ;D they may not have all the pieces but they can make out what the picture is about.

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