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[Fi] Can you ever let your guard down?

think2much

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Over the years I noticed if I show my weakness or some side of me people tend to avoid me.

Now everyone has some sort of guard when around people but when can you be truly yourself? I'm starting to learn that if you want someone to stick with you; never show any unhealthy personality traits.

It's pretty depressing that nobody will truly love the real me. I don't think I can ever let my guard down to anyone and why should I? when it's all unhealthy and negative it's better if they didn't know.
 

Stanton Moore

morose bourgeoisie
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Catch-22. If you never reveal yourself, you will never open the door so others want to know you.

So take a risk. Be open and someone will open up too. Most people have a thick protective shell, so you have start the conversation.
 

Lark

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I reckon that's the modern existential dilemma right there, there's too many games players and people deploying scripts which got stamped on them in childhood or as a result of something traumatic for anyone to take the risk of attempting to be authentic.
 

Silveresque

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Well, you'll never know if you don't try. If you're afraid of being judged or disliked for being the real you, then all you have to do is find someone who won't judge you, who will just listen and be accepting and open. Maybe you've tried with people in the past and gotten hurt, but maybe you just haven't tried with the right people yet.
 

Qlip

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You also get more comfortable letting your guard down when you realize that you can survive it. But, you need to risk to get that experience in the first place.
 

kyuuei

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Overall, no. You never do.

Certain situations, people, and aspects get granted that privilege of seeing your guard down.. but overall not really.
 

Forever_Jung

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Every time I let my guard down, people don't like it, but the rare person will accept it. I really appreciate people who allow it, it's probably a peak experience when I find someone like that.

Knowing how sucky it is to feel unable to let my guard down, I do my utmost to make people confiding in me feel unconditionally accepted and understood, even if sometimes I can't help but privately think "yikes!". Usually I don't, but some things can just startle and alarm you. I know that's probably morally wrong to pretend I am totally cool with something when I'm not, but people just need to feel completely accepted sometimes. I'm just not good enough to truly be okay with EVERY part of someone. I assume my friends do the same for me.
 

Rasofy

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Sounds like you have to work on the real you first.
 

redacted

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I pretty much never let my guard down. There are only 2 people that I've been truly open with.

I do reveal a lot about myself and my thought processes, to the point where other people probably think my guard is down. But I'm pretty sure it's just a part of my guard.
 

Reverie

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I think for your own sake you've got to find a balance where you're comfortable being yourself to a reasonable degree, where you don't feel like you're hiding, but you're not compelled to show everything about yourself, warts and all.
To be genuine, but also have privacy. I'm sure you will get the balance right, with practice and can find people who appreciate the real you. Where you feel like you're appreciated for your unique characteristics but are comftorable with having privacy too.
No one can truly understand us completely, but we can strive to understand and appreciate ourselves in good company. :)
[MENTION=1654]Evan[/MENTION] That's a problem I've had too. I was troubled because I wasn't sure if I am too secretive. People think they know me very well, but they tend to know select sides to me, yet missing some very vital pieces of information. Like a puzzle with some pieces missing.
I was just recently discussing MBTI with a friend in the context of career counsel. She and another friend had had a lot of success with it. they were trying to help me not be a penniless artist and getting a real job, but obviously the typical INFJ jobs aren't exactly moneymakers... ;d So I told her that MBTI already confirmed my fears that I am doing what I'm suited to do. She asked what other options were there and I mentioned, Clergy. She laughed and said " But you're not religious at all"... That's completely inaccurate and she's one of my closest friends... :/
But at the end of the day she may not know every fact about me but she's been around me for years and knows my character and behaviour. That's enough. ;D they may not have all the pieces but they can make out what the picture is about.
 

animenagai

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There are certain friends of mine that I am completely open to. We are bros for life and we're so close that other people think it's too much. I am very blessed.
 

Betty Blue

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It's very difficult to do.
I wish people would fess up and admit that it is mostly to do with fear of rejection which stems from a lack of self confidence.
Imo someone hit the nail on the head when they said you have to work on you first.
There is an element of protection to it, boundaries, which is the healthy side.
I think ultimately though by letting your guard down you also open up fabulous opportunities...just be nice if it wasn't so damn scary.
I tend to be fairly open with my emotional side, it allows me to get closer to people, which i feel is very important to who i am and how i communicate with others. The downside of this is it does leave me more vunerable to being hurt/manipulated.
By you know sometimes i'd rather take that risk.
I think there are levels too, how much you let your guard down.... probably family and very long term friends would have seen the most of the real you as long as you have had good connections with them.
When it comes to new people it's a lot more difficult, we all have our baggage... must we then empty out the contents in plain sight... i'm not so sure.
Edit: Also at which points in a new friendship/relationship do you share this and how much... it depends on the person...and well lots of things... fairly unique to each situation i believe.
 

BlackCat

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I feel exactly the same way as you OP... and I only let my guard down around very close friends. Also around people who I feel could possibly get me or legitimately care for me. I've also let my guard down for whom I've fallen in love with... But I've let my guard down rarely despite this.
 
Joined
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Dude, your posts in general are depressing. But to answer your question, yes you can let your guard down and you can do so around anyone and everyone. Just know that the likelihood of them disliking you will probably be infinitely higher than that of them liking you.
 

Tiger Owl

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No, you cannot let your guard down. You can relax and enjoy yourself but you can never 'shut-off' because most others already have. Somebody has to watch their backs.
 

Kitsune413

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If you're in a good relationship (and I don't just mean a romantic one) You shouldn't have your guard up. When you're beginning relationships then you definitely don't want to be an open book. For alot of reasons. Building a relationship takes time. You establish related interests and you build trust. If you're hurting inside and you show that to people you haven't built a relationship with you're letting them know how much trouble they're getting into being in a relationship with you. If you do it right from the start then you haven't given anything to the relationship. Relationships are risk reward scenarios. Just being with someone is rewarding to them. But asking something of them is where the risk comes in. At the beginning of a relationship you have to stay on that reward page before you can flip over and 'need' things.

If you can't let your guard down with anybody you know its time to build some relationships. Probably with new people.
 

Winds of Thor

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I let mine down with certain family and friends. I can't tell you why I feel I can around those others. I just do. It's probably best I don't know why come to think of it...if I knew why then I might think of a reason not to and that would be bad.
 

xenaprincess

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It takes time to really get to know someone. That old cliche about people being like onions is true.

The key is to let people see you in degrees, and timing matters. Sometimes people aren't in the mood for deep talk, or they're not prepared for it. Give people time to get to know you.

btw I used to let my guard down with certain friends. Then it got to a point where they simply could not deal with it. I was going thru a lot at the time.

I think my best female friend was an INxJ. We'd been friends since high school, and just like that, no more. That's when I realized that friendships and people have their limits. I didn't open up to anyone for a long, long time after that, and I rarely open up to that degree now. Seeing a therapist for my troubles helped. People can only handle so much.
 

Winds of Thor

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It takes time to really get to know someone. That old cliche about people being like onions is true.

The key is to let people see you in degrees, and timing matters. Sometimes people aren't in the mood for deep talk, or they're not prepared for it. Give people time to get to know you.

btw I used to let my guard down with certain friends. Then it got to a point where they simply could not deal with it. I was going thru a lot at the time.

I think my best female friend was an INxJ. We'd been friends since high school, and just like that, no more. That's when I realized that friendships and people have their limits. I didn't open up to anyone for a long, long time after that, and I rarely open up to that degree now. Seeing a therapist for my troubles helped. People can only handle so much.

I think one thing that helps is that mine know I'm not expecting answers from them in return after I express myself. Just that I express. I do this with actively not asking for anything. Then they get the message and it's cool for them because they feel it's optional if they decide to add anything. And other than that, it's like they're watching a private show. That way eveyone's comfy.
 

Froody Blue Gem

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When I am comfortable with people, I can get to the point of somewhat letting my guard down. Just being myself, but it has to be with the right people. I would like to think I am always true to myself, even if I don't tell everyone everything. Though there are certain aspects of myself I would show to barely anybody so it is complicated if I ever completely let it down. I don't like to think of it as dishonesty, just a certain reluctance and guardedness.

There are some situations where I let my hair down and act like myself then people judge me and those situations have made it harder. Also, with people who I've trusted in the past breaking my trust or other situations with getting very close to people that went wrong.
 
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