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  1. #11
    Senior Member animenagai's Avatar
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    There are certain friends of mine that I am completely open to. We are bros for life and we're so close that other people think it's too much. I am very blessed.
    Chimera of Filth

    A gruesome beast with dripping flesh
    Clings to me as a sick fixture
    My throbbing heart it gnawed apart
    It stalks and hunts me through mirrors

  2. #12
    Let me count the ways Betty Blue's Avatar
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    It's very difficult to do.
    I wish people would fess up and admit that it is mostly to do with fear of rejection which stems from a lack of self confidence.
    Imo someone hit the nail on the head when they said you have to work on you first.
    There is an element of protection to it, boundaries, which is the healthy side.
    I think ultimately though by letting your guard down you also open up fabulous opportunities...just be nice if it wasn't so damn scary.
    I tend to be fairly open with my emotional side, it allows me to get closer to people, which i feel is very important to who i am and how i communicate with others. The downside of this is it does leave me more vunerable to being hurt/manipulated.
    By you know sometimes i'd rather take that risk.
    I think there are levels too, how much you let your guard down.... probably family and very long term friends would have seen the most of the real you as long as you have had good connections with them.
    When it comes to new people it's a lot more difficult, we all have our baggage... must we then empty out the contents in plain sight... i'm not so sure.
    Edit: Also at which points in a new friendship/relationship do you share this and how much... it depends on the person...and well lots of things... fairly unique to each situation i believe.
    "We knew he was someone who had a tragic flaw, that's where his greatness came from"

  3. #13
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    I feel exactly the same way as you OP... and I only let my guard down around very close friends. Also around people who I feel could possibly get me or legitimately care for me. I've also let my guard down for whom I've fallen in love with... But I've let my guard down rarely despite this.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  4. #14
    XES 5231311252's Avatar
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    Dude, your posts in general are depressing. But to answer your question, yes you can let your guard down and you can do so around anyone and everyone. Just know that the likelihood of them disliking you will probably be infinitely higher than that of them liking you.
    “'Fuck', I think. What a beautiful word. If I could say only one thing for the rest of my life, that would be it.”

  5. #15
    Senior Member Tiger Owl's Avatar
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    No, you cannot let your guard down. You can relax and enjoy yourself but you can never 'shut-off' because most others already have. Somebody has to watch their backs.
    INTJ 5w4 sx/sp 584 ILI-Ni

  6. #16
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    If you're in a good relationship (and I don't just mean a romantic one) You shouldn't have your guard up. When you're beginning relationships then you definitely don't want to be an open book. For alot of reasons. Building a relationship takes time. You establish related interests and you build trust. If you're hurting inside and you show that to people you haven't built a relationship with you're letting them know how much trouble they're getting into being in a relationship with you. If you do it right from the start then you haven't given anything to the relationship. Relationships are risk reward scenarios. Just being with someone is rewarding to them. But asking something of them is where the risk comes in. At the beginning of a relationship you have to stay on that reward page before you can flip over and 'need' things.

    If you can't let your guard down with anybody you know its time to build some relationships. Probably with new people.

  7. #17
    Senior Member Winds of Thor's Avatar
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    I let mine down with certain family and friends. I can't tell you why I feel I can around those others. I just do. It's probably best I don't know why come to think of it...if I knew why then I might think of a reason not to and that would be bad.
    "..And the eight and final rule: If this is your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight."
    'Men are meant to be with women. The rest is perversion and mental illness.'

  8. #18
    yap yap yap xenaprincess's Avatar
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    It takes time to really get to know someone. That old cliche about people being like onions is true.

    The key is to let people see you in degrees, and timing matters. Sometimes people aren't in the mood for deep talk, or they're not prepared for it. Give people time to get to know you.

    btw I used to let my guard down with certain friends. Then it got to a point where they simply could not deal with it. I was going thru a lot at the time.

    I think my best female friend was an INxJ. We'd been friends since high school, and just like that, no more. That's when I realized that friendships and people have their limits. I didn't open up to anyone for a long, long time after that, and I rarely open up to that degree now. Seeing a therapist for my troubles helped. People can only handle so much.

  9. #19
    Senior Member Winds of Thor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by xenaprincess View Post
    It takes time to really get to know someone. That old cliche about people being like onions is true.

    The key is to let people see you in degrees, and timing matters. Sometimes people aren't in the mood for deep talk, or they're not prepared for it. Give people time to get to know you.

    btw I used to let my guard down with certain friends. Then it got to a point where they simply could not deal with it. I was going thru a lot at the time.

    I think my best female friend was an INxJ. We'd been friends since high school, and just like that, no more. That's when I realized that friendships and people have their limits. I didn't open up to anyone for a long, long time after that, and I rarely open up to that degree now. Seeing a therapist for my troubles helped. People can only handle so much.
    I think one thing that helps is that mine know I'm not expecting answers from them in return after I express myself. Just that I express. I do this with actively not asking for anything. Then they get the message and it's cool for them because they feel it's optional if they decide to add anything. And other than that, it's like they're watching a private show. That way eveyone's comfy.
    "..And the eight and final rule: If this is your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight."
    'Men are meant to be with women. The rest is perversion and mental illness.'

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