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  1. #1
    Member ChrisC99's Avatar
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    Default Hello, fellow ENFPs!! Overwhelming enthusiasm, and bluntness versus tact

    Well it's happened: I've signed up, I've posted, I've been typed...and then gotten distracted and taken two months away from the forum which apparently only FURTHER proves my type!

    Anyway, salutations and nice to meet y'all!!

    Alright, so, question numero uno: it didn't take much time in the social world to notice that my penchant for overwhelming friendliness was a bit of an atypicality. The minute I see somebody, my mindset essentially mirrors the words of that dog from the movie "Up": "I have just met you and I love you!" By contrast, I noticed that MOST people actually have a tendency to keep some things in, guarded, to feel uncomfortable with showing all of theselves. Go figure! We're not all that different after all, why all the coy secrecy? Needless to say, the application process dubbed me a fairly unsuitable candidate for the CIA (Though I must admit, this behavior DOES make the inner psyche of people that much more intriguing to study!) I've ALSO been told that I talk rather quickly, in a way that gives some people a headache from the sheer, nuclear blast-like energy. Interestingly I have the opposite sense: while I genuinely do love people, I sometimes feel that those around me are...almost moving in slow motion, for want of a better word, all marching to the beat of the same drum for a reason I can't grasp, leaving me yearing for more stimulation and less conventionality. Even in my alone time meanwhile, the experience can almost be akin to one of having thoughts and ideas go through my head so quickly, that I feel I can't translate them into practical application quickly enough. So my question is, is this general feeling characteristic of ENFPs in general - or perhaps even more broadly of all extraverts or perceivers? (Or maybe just of all individuals with the type ADHD XD)

    Okay now, here's pregunta numero dos: the profiles I've read seem to claim that ENFPs are known for using gentle persuasion rather than blunt force in our dealings with other people. I'm wondering if that's generally valid. See, I care very deeply about how other people feel and genuinely dislike hurting people (in fact, if I do it can bother me for...well, probably a longer period of time than it bothers the person I hurt, haha!) I'm also known to play 'counselor'. HOWEVER...I am also (and maybe somewhat paradoxically) known for being bluntly, sometimes even scathingly direct at times. For example, where an ENFJ might try to work with someone with a fear of...say, clowns - I'd be more liable to drag them to an amusement park to get them over it. I guess where some say pushy, I just say 'tough love' ;D (Though ironically, I do have a complete disdain for argument, and almost never use intentionally unkind words to 'spite' people. That serves no purpose!) Do you think it's unusual for an ENFP to have a penchant, intended or not, for speaking the lovely sting of truth like salt in a wound, without first smothering with the soothing skin salve of tact? Or, is that actually a known fact about us? Maybe only in the more tertiary-strong individuals? We ARE supposed to be the world's most beloved sweethearts, right?? ;P

    Thanks everybody - <3 to all!!

  2. #2
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    Your dominant function is extraverted intuition. Its the thing you like to use the most. The opposite of that is introverted Sensing.

    Its what you use when you're trying to keep facts and details in check. It helps with solitude and reflection and it helps with the internal experience. Knowing if you're sick. Knowing if you're hurt. I've appreciated in life a fairly nice tolerance to pain because of this. Its a flaw but I use the wrong function to know if I'm sick. To know if I'm hurt. I ponder and question rather than just sensing.

    Since you don't use it very often you're not very good at it. When we get stuck into it we withdraw. get depressed. get obssessed think we're sick.

    Inferior sensing has a big part to do with feeling like you're adhd. Don't know if it means that you are or not. I've heard a rumor alot of ENFP's self medicate without knowing it by drinking lots of caffeine.

    Also, ENFP's are generally very kind and don't want to hurt people. But extraverted Intuition isn't kind on its own. Its just curious. It seems like most of the time those blunt statements are when you're banging out an idea. Because you're curious.

    Perhaps in the ENFP's case, Curiousity didn't kill the cat. It beat the fox to death with words. Wonder if more enfp's like foxes.

  3. #3
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    i love both of those posts to death! i think we can absolutely be blunt. i think since we are so non judgy and can toss around ideas as separate from ourselves...in a detached way...that we often don't stop to think first if it would be offensive. and...not only that...i think directness amuses us a bit...and we tend to think others know us so well and would realize are intention was not to be rude...and we/i loathe false compliments or sweetened up fakery...it's worthless and more offensive to me to be fed bs...give it to me straight so i at least know you respect me and i can trust you....so we do the same...out of respect.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  4. #4
    EvanTheClown (ETC) Clownmaster's Avatar
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    tact when the situation calls for it, and blunt when you can get away with it.

    Because you can't spell "Slaughter" without "Laughter"

  5. #5
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Welcome @ChrisC99 to what I call "Psychology Nerd Patrol"!

    I loved your post. Yeah. We ENFPs can be blunt. My experience is that my bluntness is usually driven by my Te. That's an ENFP's tertiary function.

    ENFP = Ne > Fi > Te > Si

    As you get older, you will use your Te more and more as you have more life experience tapping into it. But even now you do sometimes use your Te, but not with the same finesse that you use your more dominant functions.

    So I've come to learn that Te is a wonderful thing. But it sometimes rubs people the wrong way. And, most important to your question, Te is viewed by some other types (especially those that use Fe and Ti) as being overly blunt. For example, Te sees the world in a more black or white fashion. I certainly do see shades of gray in the world around me, but when I use my Te things become very logical and orderly for me. For example, if I see someone says one thing and does another then my Te (which is really good at seeing logical inconsistencies) will say, "Oh so-and-so is acting hypocritically." My reasoning for thinikng this person is a hypocrite is logically sound, but when I say this thought aloud in a Te kind of way, "So-and-so is a hypocrite", then this comes across as very blunt and one dimensional to some people. All I'm trying to do is state a fact as I observe it. I'm trying to be concise and correct. But Ti users hear me as being one-dimensional in my thinking and oversimplifying a complex situation.

    I've come to understand that I can accommodate Ti thinkers by changing how I say things just a little bit. Now I'll say, "So-and-so is a hypocrite in this case, but that's just one aspect to their behavior." This second way of saying it allows Ti users to see that I understand that there are shades of gray. I've found this helps enormously in protecting myself from accusations of bluntness.

    Hope this makes sense.
    ENFP with kick*ss Te | 7w8 so | ♀

  6. #6
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    Te in TJs and FPs as Ti sees it: Too systematic, and maybe even inconsiderate.
    Te in TJs and FPs as Fe sees it: Te is too cold and harsh! Be nicer and less pushy!

    Ti/Fe and Fi/Te are worlds apart.

    Quote Originally Posted by ChrisC99 View Post
    Okay now, here's pregunta numero dos: the profiles I've read seem to claim that ENFPs are known for using gentle persuasion rather than blunt force in our dealings with other people. I'm wondering if that's generally valid. See, I care very deeply about how other people feel and genuinely dislike hurting people (in fact, if I do it can bother me for...well, probably a longer period of time than it bothers the person I hurt, haha!) I'm also known to play 'counselor'. HOWEVER...I am also (and maybe somewhat paradoxically) known for being bluntly, sometimes even scathingly direct at times. For example, where an ENFJ might try to work with someone with a fear of...say, clowns - I'd be more liable to drag them to an amusement park to get them over it. I guess where some say pushy, I just say 'tough love' ;D (Though ironically, I do have a complete disdain for argument, and almost never use intentionally unkind words to 'spite' people. That serves no purpose!) Do you think it's unusual for an ENFP to have a penchant, intended or not, for speaking the lovely sting of truth like salt in a wound, without first smothering with the soothing skin salve of tact? Or, is that actually a known fact about us? Maybe only in the more tertiary-strong individuals? We ARE supposed to be the world's most beloved sweethearts, right?? ;P
    My guess is that it's a P thing to persuade instead of direct and manipulate others. Perceivers don't seem to be hard-wired to direct or manipulate others.

    My ENFP sis has done the "blunt" thing to me, and I just can't buy her "suck it up" attitude when she's blunt. In fact I come back to her with that very same attitude.

    ENFPs IMO aren't those most beloved sweethearts, and not like FJs. In fact we can clash at times because of Te.
    Thinkist: not optimist nor pessimist. I am primarily competent in the enneagram.
    SX 9w1, SP 5w6, SP 3w4 | Split with the first two
    Ti-Se-Si-Ni-Te-Fi-Ne-Fe. I'm always questioning this, particularly the Si.
    Big 5/Global5/SLOAN: RCUEX

  7. #7
    Senior Member FunnyDigestion's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ChrisC99 View Post
    For example, where an ENFJ might try to work with someone with a fear of...say, clowns - I'd be more liable to drag them to an amusement park to get them over it. I guess where some say pushy, I just say 'tough love' ;D
    That seems like a common thing. "Let's just jump in & be alive" as the answer to everything. I usually agree with that, but sometimes the enthusiasm is hard to take seriously.
    RCUAI
    ---------
    "Man is free, but his freedom ceases when he has no faith in it."

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