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  1. #1
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    Default INFJs, how do you deal?

    How do you guys deal with friends, family or someone your in a relationship with who takes everything personally? What if your tease, which is always meant in jest, was always taken with offense?

    My teases are NEVER personal or insulting which sounds ridiculous for me to say because I shouldn't be allowed to analyze my own statements which can be found offensive by someone else.

    I take it somewhat personally when someone gets offended by a small tease and goes overboard and makes personal attacks at me in retaliation. My first thought is, "This person has known me for a long time and knows I don't enjoy gossip, bad talking anyone and insulting anyone especially to their face. Why would this person who is so close to me assume that I would mean something so negative upon them?

    I showed my sister and friends text messages between me and a person in a certain exchange of texts and I begged them to tell me if I said anything wrong. They told me she overreacted and was being extremely melodramatic. I doubled checked and told them I wouldn't be offended if they said I said anything wrong. They reassured me that it was her interpretation.

    How do you guys deal with fragile people??

    If the advice were to be something along the lines of "Don't say anything that she could potentially find insulting," that wouldn't work because I'm a natural teaser and banterer. It's my way of joking around with people and it's just how I am.

  2. #2
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    It helps to understand that people's reactions always have a cause. When the reaction is out of place for the situation then it is possible that they are projecting a different scenario onto the current one. Let me try to clarify - when a person gets badly hurt, they can get stuck in that pain and keep projecting the same scenario every chance they can find. Maybe the overly sensitive friend experienced destructive teasing and is stuck in that pain and keeps reacting to it. Whenever a response is inappropriate or out of the blue, it suggests that the person is not actually reacting to you, but to someone for whom that reaction would have been appropriate.

    There can also be issues in the physiology of the brain that can result in reactions that don't fit with the situation. Hormonal changes and growing pains can also produce unpredictable reactions.

    There might be some people with whom it just isn't possible to establish positive communication. If your standard form of communication upsets a friend you want to stay connected with, then perhaps find other opportunities to reassure the person.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  3. #3
    Senior Member kyli_ryan's Avatar
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    Sometimes over text it can be hard to gauge someone's intentions too. Where you are probably able to interpret texts very easily and can catch subtle clues as to the meaning of words (for example, sarcasm), some people are not as attuned to those things. This could account for some of the miscommunication. I find that I can easily connect with some people through a textual medium, but some do not react accurately to my intentions. Maybe try explaining your humor to this person IN PERSON and see if they react the same way.

  4. #4
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    Fia, really good point! Rep added, thanks for the input.

    Kyli - I thought so too, but this also happens in person so I tossed that idea out the window. Rep added too! Thanks

  5. #5
    Senior Member kyli_ryan's Avatar
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    Hmn, now that I think about it... I suppose there are some people that I have this problem with too. I don't know if there is really away around their initial reaction to your statements. @fia makes a good point with the teasing example, but it may just be that they aren't understanding your intentions. Hopefully if you outlined for them that you are joking... maybe just incorporating a little "jk!" in there sometimes, they'll start to understand?

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