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  1. #11
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    TBH, sometimes heavy-Fi friends have rubbed me the wrong way because I feel like their "help" is more about them assuaging their conscience than being a good friend to me.
    Ha! True. I have learned a lot about Fi watching non F people using it. It can come off as 'this is what you are SUPPOSED to do, because that's what I know is the right thing to do and to do differently is just morally wrong'.

    Some of my friends tell me I have a 'lecture face' and I lecture people like, "Sigh, this is a pain for me to have to do this, but for your own good, let me tell you how it is". Hahaha. But only 2 friends have told me this. My INTP friend said she's seen me use this face (on said 2 friends), but never on her.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

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  2. #12
    Senior Member 2XtremeENFP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    Ha! True. I have learned a lot about Fi watching non F people using it. It can come off as 'this is what you are SUPPOSED to do, because that's what I know is the right thing to do and to do differently is just morally wrong'.

    Some of my friends tell me I have a 'lecture face' and I lecture people like, "Sigh, this is a pain for me to have to do this, but for your own good, let me tell you how it is". Hahaha. But only 2 friends have told me this. My INTP friend said she's seen me use this face (on said 2 friends), but never on her.

    That's funny! I know that I can get into "lecture" mode, and it's almost like I blackout and just start ranting and I can see that the person either doesn't care what I have to say, or get mad because I am speaking truth they need to hear. Yet, I can't stop the burning feeling to let it escape. If I hold it in, I feel like I am doing something wrong!

  3. #13
    Senior Member 2XtremeENFP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    I think you just have to accept the fact that others are going to make their own decisions--even if you feel they're wrong. There's nothing wrong with offering an opinion to a close friend. But you can't bear the weight of everyone else's morality.

    TBH, sometimes heavy-Fi friends have rubbed me the wrong way because I feel like their "help" is more about them assuaging their conscience than being a good friend to me.
    I appreciate this, I like hearing from people who don't use Fi so I can see how to make myself more effective and learn how to tame myself better. I have learned that with people who aren't that close to me, I can choose my words more carefully because I know they will be judging me, along with my message. It's with my close friends, where I feel comfortable to call them out and hold them accountable, it's like I want to help them before something happens that can ruin their potential, ya know?

    Some of my friends have no one speaking truth to them, and I feel responsible.

    What I bolded made me think deep, I know what I am doing is out of being a good friend, giving advice and support and guidance, how can I make sure they see it this way? How can I tell if they don't and think I'm being all "better than you" because I really fear that...

  4. #14
    Senior Member Forever_Jung's Avatar
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    This is not how I experience Fi at all. I would say Fi creates problems for me in that some people interpret my actions as some combination of: snobbery, self-absorption, stubbornness, blind irrationality, etc.

    My Fi usually minds its own business, and doesn't worry about making people see the light. If I want people to behave a certain way, I lead by example and try to embody my ideals. If such a lifestyle appeals to other people, they're welcome to join me. Either way, I'm doing my own thing. If my thing clashes with collective values, so much the worse for collective values. I am not attacking them, merely not observing them.

  5. #15
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    I think enneatype comes into play and how much Te you have? Apparently from reading the forum Te can rub people the wrong way, too.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

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  6. #16
    Senior Member 2XtremeENFP's Avatar
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    @Forever_Jung I think Fi can work definitely based on what we value. Perhaps it's because I am extraverted, but I value people and helping them "see the light". I feel like it's my calling in a way. I am in no way saying I am perfect or anything, but if I see a choice, or a pattern, and it isn't working for that person, I can't sit by and watch it crumble beneath them.

    I definitely lead by example as well, since I can't be voicing one thing, and then doing the opposite.

  7. #17
    Senior Member 2XtremeENFP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    I think enneatype comes into play and how much Te you have? Apparently from reading the forum Te can rub people the wrong way, too.
    In what ways?

    I'm not sure what enneagram I am, I think i've tested 3w4, I'm pretty extreme in my preferences, so I'm not sure how strong my Te is, but I do know that when I take the functions test, sometimes I rank higher with Ti than Te

  8. #18
    Senior Member Forever_Jung's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2XtremeENFP View Post
    @Forever_Jung I think Fi can work definitely based on what we value. Perhaps it's because I am extraverted, but I value people and helping them "see the light". I feel like it's my calling in a way. I am in no way saying I am perfect or anything, but if I see a choice, or a pattern, and it isn't working for that person, I can't sit by and watch it crumble beneath them.

    I definitely lead by example as well, since I can't be voicing one thing, and then doing the opposite.
    I'm sorry, my post came out wrong. The whole "Well MY Fi minds its own business" sounds a bit snarky.

    I was actually just trying to say that what you are describing is not everyone's Fi, but Fi as an ENFP would experience it. Maybe, the external focus of your Fi is closely related to the prominent Ne-Te axis that ENFP's have. Ne wants to spread the news, advocate the message. Fi is very idealistic and uncompromising, and the immature tert. Te is kind of bossy and blunt when it rises to the surface?

  9. #19
    Senior Member 2XtremeENFP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Forever_Jung View Post
    I'm sorry, my post came out wrong. The whole "Well MY Fi minds its own business" sounds a bit snarky.

    I was actually just trying to say that what you are describing is not isolated everyone's Fi, but Fi as an ENFP would experience it. Maybe, the external focus of your Fi is closely related to the prominent Ne-Te axis that ENFP's have. Ne wants to spread the news, advocate the message. Fi is very idealistic and uncompromising, and the immature tert. Te is kind of bossy and blunt when it rises to the surface?
    No worries, I got ya

    And Thank you for this post! this makes a lot of sense!

  10. #20
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Forever_Jung View Post
    Maybe, the external focus of your Fi is closely related to the prominent Ne-Te axis that ENFP's have. Ne wants to spread the news, advocate the message. Fi is very idealistic and uncompromising, and the immature tert. Te is kind of bossy and blunt when it rises to the surface?
    i think you are right about the axis. though, the way i experience it, Ne is less about spreading news/advocating (that would be Te, perhaps) and more about being painfully aware of interconnection. it just doesn't make sense from a NeFi point of view to sit around and let the world crumble, because you know it's affecting everyone. hurting the world soul, as orobas beautifully put it.

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