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Thread: How do INFJ's learn to feel safe being loved?

  1. #41
    Senior Member Array Turtledove's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    6w5 sp/sx


    Okay, sorry but my opinion must burst after reading some of his comments and it's gonna sound painful. This guy sounds like a warped Edward Cullen. Ugh...I hate Twilight! He's spewing out a whole lot of bull about--"I love her! ROAR! Roses, hearts, and ponies jumping over magical rainbows into a fairy tales of happily ever afters!"

    Obviously, it wasn't a good match! Sorry, but I'm being blunt to get you off of Fantasy Island since you travel to it too often on the Love Boat on a Sea of Ideals. Stop psycho-analyzing on what went wrong, be sad that it's over for however long you need, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move on because obviously she has. And don't pick at it like it's a scab. There's a lot of awesome women out there, so just relax for a moment and enjoy that you're not attached at the moment. You seem like a nice guy, so you'll probably bounce right back and find a girl who likes all that mushy stuff you say, and she probably won't have a whole lot of baggage.
    Save Thundercats 2011 petition. Because we do what we can. HO!!!:

  2. #42
    i love Array skylights's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    6w7 so/sx
    EII Ne


    Quote Originally Posted by Lenian
    I told her I think she hurls insults at me to test my solidity. And she says last night "I know".
    as an aside, enneagram 6s can tend to do this. we may push you if things don't seem to line up. if you are seeming weak despite saying you are strong, you will probably get tested, because we need to know if: a) you are in fact strong and b) you are truthful.

    anyway... i've read this whole thread but i'm not sure i understand, lenian, what made the relationship tick, besides the soul connection you referred to. what do you mean by that? if there were insults, i'm guessing this isn't an emotional connection. and if there was not enough communication, then not an intellectual connection, either? i understand flashes of energy between people but that is little to build a relationship upon...

    what did you love about her? why did you want her - specifically - to love you?

  3. #43
    Emerging Array Tallulah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008


    Quote Originally Posted by Lenian View Post
    Thank you for your message, it is so important to me.

    Should I keep in contact with her every day? Every week? I see your point..that she needs to take it slow to process information. I don't want to disrespect her as she's seeing someone else but also I want her and don't want to break my own heart more. We've broken up before and she has come back..a few times. She's willing to do things with me, dinner, hang out at her place, etc. I think she wants to be friends. If we do that, which I'm wholeheartedly thinking is a good idea. And being careful to not let my spontenaety look like insecurity..i.e. deliberately follow through as consistent in my actions as possible, then maybe she'll grow comfortable?
    If she's seeing someone else, but it's not serious (and she's still open to dating other people--I definitely wouldn't advise trying to break an actual relationship up), then yeah, I would say be her friend. Let her get to know who you truly are, without pressure. If she is trying to figure out how she feels about you, and isn't sure she can rely on you, then a break from all the strong feelings being directed at her might help her to clarify her own feelings. I had this problem with an ENTP--he wanted to jump in faster than I did, and it made him insecure when I couldn't return those feelings all at once, and I hadn't had time to know if I could trust him, or if I was just the current shiny object that had caught his eye. If he'd been my friend for a while, I could have worked it out.
    Something Witty

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