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  1. #21

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    Quote Originally Posted by Crescent Fresh View Post
    As for her being raised in broken family, I think you don't need to worry too much as it's common these days to have single parent. Though she might be more emotional clingy because of this, and might expected more from you. Just try to gain her trust by being honest with your feelings. Mutual communication and openness are the keys to secure a strong trust from INFJs.
    I am utterly baffled as to how you came to this conclusion. Did Lenian edit the op?
    "The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." - Rainer Maria Rilke

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    This is just something that comes to mind while reading this thread. There seems to be a lot of emphasis in the op’ers posts about just “wanting to love her”. And there’s nothing wrong with that- but there could be a problem if you NEED her to feel loved and secure for your own sake (like, I don’t know, to be able to hurry up and experience the ‘beautiful moments’ of a relationship). This is the kind of thing INFJs tend to pick up on. There’s a difference between being loved for who we are vs. being a warm body in a relationship so someone can feel ‘love’ towards you. If you “just want to love her” for who she is, then keep loving her for who she is and let that soak in for her at her own pace. If it’s consistent, then eventually she’ll feel secure with it. If you need her to feel loved at a faster pace than she’s feeling it- then maybe ask yourself why?

    I just know that too much pressure on her to “feel loved” will make that love seem conditional. [edit to add:] And if the love seems conditional, she's probably going to continue to project insecurities into it.

    Also, +1 to pretty much everything cascadeco and fia said.
    This is GREAT!!! Thanks!!!

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by iwakar View Post
    I am utterly baffled as to how you came to this conclusion. Did Lenian edit the op?
    I just don't get this either. And nope no edit.

  4. #24
    Senior Member Sparrow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lenian View Post
    I just don't get this either. And nope no edit.
    Quote Originally Posted by iwakar View Post
    I am utterly baffled as to how you came to this conclusion. Did Lenian edit the op?
    I think it was just a misunderstanding. She probably thought of "Broken Family" as parents divorcing rather then a child having a messed up childhood.
    Fe | Ni | Se | Ti ... 3w4 ... Lawful Neutral ... Johari -Nohari

  5. #25

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sparrow View Post
    I think it was just a misunderstanding. She probably thought of "Broken Family" as parents divorcing rather then a child having a messed up childhood.
    I can speculate and that's a top 2 guess, but I'm asking her the question to give her a chance to explain the assumption rather than returning the favor.
    "The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." - Rainer Maria Rilke

  6. #26
    can't handcuff the wind Z Buck McFate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sparrow View Post
    I think it was just a misunderstanding. She probably thought of "Broken Family" as parents divorcing rather then a child having a messed up childhood.
    Yeah, English is Crescent's second language (actually, I think it might even be her 3rd or 4th, can't remember). I'd probably make mistakes like this left and right if I were communicating through a second language.
    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

    5w4 sx/sp Johari / Nohari

  7. #27
    Diving into Ni-space Crescent Fresh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iwakar View Post
    I am utterly baffled as to how you came to this conclusion. Did Lenian edit the op?
    Quote Originally Posted by Sparrow View Post
    I think it was just a misunderstanding. She probably thought of "Broken Family" as parents divorcing rather then a child having a messed up childhood.

    Yes, Sparrow is right. Although I'm sure it was not easy for her to have her parents divorced, this is something she has to work it on her own. If she has to project her insecurity of relationship to her relationship with OP, then I must say it isn't fair for OP to deal with her emotional baggage. That was what I meant from my earlier post.

    A messed up childhood is entirely a different story, of course.

  8. #28

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    Quote Originally Posted by Crescent Fresh View Post
    Yes, Sparrow is right. Although I'm sure it was not easy for her to have her parents divorced, this is something she has to work it on her own. If she has to project her insecurity of relationship to her relationship with OP, then I must say it isn't fair for OP to deal with her emotional baggage. That was what I meant from my earlier post.

    A messed up childhood is entirely a different story, of course.
    I'm confused because this post makes it sound like you're still assuming a broken childhood means a divorce...?
    "The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." - Rainer Maria Rilke

  9. #29
    Diving into Ni-space Crescent Fresh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iwakar View Post
    I'm confused because this post makes it sound like you're still assuming a broken childhood means a divorce...?
    I just re-read the OP. He didn't mean her family got a divorce at an early age. It's a totally misread.

    Sorry for the confusion!

  10. #30
    can't handcuff the wind Z Buck McFate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lenian View Post
    This is GREAT!!! Thanks!!!
    FWIW, I dated an ENTP for about 8 years. Him needing me to immediately believe and validate everything he was feeling was a serious problem (for me). I think it's fair to say most INFJs won't believe anything right away. We wait, and if something is consistently true- then we believe it.
    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

    5w4 sx/sp Johari / Nohari

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