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  1. #1
    Senior Member Priori's Avatar
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    Default Let me count the ways...(Explaining your love to an ENFP)

    Once upon a time I fell madly in love with an ENFP. One day she asked me just why I was so madly in love with her. She’s had A LOT of men fall in love with her, and she told me that none of them have been able explain to her why. So…I opened my mouth to sing her many praises, and explain why she alone was worthy of such a deep love… whatever it was I said I know it wasn’t exactly what she wanted to hear. The love was there. The reasons she deserved that love was there. The words weren’t there.

    While the relationship is long over, I still feel like I should have been able to explain my feeling the way she needed to hear them.

    The ENPF issues thread suggested that having the reasons for loving them explained is important to ENPFs ( I knew it was to her) and that I’m not the only one who couldn’t adequately explain it to my ENFP .

    So I’d to ask any ENFPs…what should I have said? Have you ever had someone explain why they love you that made you feel really special? How would you explain your reasons for loving whoever it is that you love?

  2. #2
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Johnny View Post
    Once upon a time I fell madly in love with an ENFP. One day she asked me just why I was so madly in love with her. She’s had A LOT of men fall in love with her, and she told me that none of them have been able explain to her why. So…I opened my mouth to sing her many praises, and explain why she alone was worthy of such a deep love… whatever it was I said I know it wasn’t exactly what she wanted to hear. The love was there. The reasons she deserved that love was there. The words weren’t there.

    While the relationship is long over, I still feel like I should have been able to explain my feeling the way she needed to hear them.

    The ENPF issues thread suggested that having the reasons for loving them explained is important to ENPFs ( I knew it was to her) and that I’m not the only one who couldn’t adequately explain it to my ENFP .

    So I’d to ask any ENFPs…what should I have said? Have you ever had someone explain why they love you that made you feel really special? How would you explain your reasons for loving whoever it is that you love?
    Hello Johnny...

    I just woke-up and stumbled across your thread here. And idk...I just felt compelled to say that if listening to a loved one 'fire-off a long and heartwarming list of all the reasons they love me' is something that is important to ENFPs...than this is the first I'm hearing of it. I'm not saying this isn't generally true. I haven't read the ENFP Common Issues thread in its entirety as I don't read much of anything in its entirety haha (feel free to attach some quotes as this would be interesting to me). But it surely isn't 'true' for me. In fact...listening to someone do that would make me feel extraordinarily uncomfortable. Hearing a kind word here and there...great. But listening to someone go on and on...yah no thanks. For me...a hug can say all of that and then some. Just being with me. Listening to all my crazy ideas. And so what comes to mind is 'love languages' (if you are familiar with those). What do they call it...'words of affirmation'. No maybe not - I can't remember. All I'm saying is that this may have more to do with 'love language' than ENFP (other ENFPs will come on here and set me straight if I'm wrong).

  3. #3
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Another thing that comes to mind...is that for ENFPs...especially in their younger days (for me - this ship has sailed haha!)...they can attract a lot of attention from people that appear to be interested in them romantically...that claim to love them...but there is this sense that you are still somehow 'merely a concept'. And that it won't be an equal partnership...but rather you will have to 'do' for them. Like constantly entertaining them...making their lives exciting...'saving them' from some sort of existence (?). Maybe she was trying to test you there. Trying to see where you fell...

  4. #4
    Senior Member Priori's Avatar
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    Starry,

    Thank you for the insight. She used to get pretty embarrassed at direct compliments; she wasn’t asking me to try to flatter her. She genuinely wanted to know why.

    She was in her late thirties back then, but she’s always had plenty of male attention. Perhaps the reason this fleeting moment stuck with me over the years is partly because I sensed it was a test but also because I want to help her understand why so many men are enchanted by her.
    Oddly enough she was the one who introduced me to the five love languages. Physical touch was hers.

  5. #5
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Johnny View Post
    Starry,

    Thank you for the insight. She used to get pretty embarrassed at direct compliments; she wasn’t asking me to try to flatter her. She genuinely wanted to know why.

    She was in her late thirties back then, but she’s always had plenty of male attention. Perhaps the reason this fleeting moment stuck with me over the years is partly because I sensed it was a test but also because I want to help her understand why so many men are enchanted by her.
    Oddly enough she was the one who introduced me to the five love languages. Physical touch was hers.
    Still getting plenty of male attention in her late thirties? - NO FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (man I've got to get in shape again and get back out there haha!).

    Yah...I hadn't had enough coffee yet when I first replied...but something 'clicked' during my second cup with regards to it seeming like some sort of 'test'. And I'm sorry that for you the 'right words' didn't come.

    I thought about it...and I can honestly say that I have never put a romantic interest/partner in that position. And can't think of anything specifically that I would want to hear other than...'I just love you...Hey? wanna go try out that new Thai place down the street?' And so I can't say that I can be very helpful with regards to the OP. But like I said earlier...other ENFPs will come here and make their comments.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Priori's Avatar
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    I’m always appreciative of wisdom from an ENF. Caffeine augmented or not

  7. #7
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Johnny View Post
    I’m always appreciative of wisdom from an ENF. Caffeine augmented or not
    Hey I like you! And so I'll be bold and call some lovely ENFPs to share their wisdom with you...
    @skylights @Orobas @Lady X @Esoteric Wench (I think EW is even online right now).

  8. #8
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    Read and recite, my friend.

    Watch how INFJs communicate with ENFPs and do the same.

    Also, based on my experience (and for your future reference) it seems to work better when ENFPs grow interested in you and then go through that period of being afraid of getting their feelings hurt. They are then full of "love," and you'll not have to worry about such things.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Priori's Avatar
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    Hmm. I'm not really looking at how to learn to wax poetic and woe an ENFP. I guess I need to articulate my point a little more clearly. Knowing how to entice and excite her was never a problem.

    My question to the ENFPs of the forum would be, have you had someone explain their reason (flowery iambic pentameter or otherwise) for loving you in a way that really touched you? If your current SO asked your reasons for loving them, how would you reply?

  10. #10
    Member WhimsyGirl's Avatar
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    um, i think something corny, but genuine, preferably using the word "magic." i like to make someone feel like they're in a different world, even wen they are doing something mundane, and to show them a good time basically. and the person needs to show/tell that they CARE about me. period. but idk if that's right to dump u over not being able to verbalize love. somethings are just felt

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