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Thread: Let me count the ways...(Explaining your love to an ENFP)

  1. #11
    Member Array WhimsyGirl's Avatar
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    btw, OBSESSED WITH UR AVATAR, LOVE JAMES DEAN. just puttin that out there

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    Senior Member Array Priori's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WhimsyGirl View Post
    btw, OBSESSED WITH UR AVATAR, LOVE JAMES DEAN. just puttin that out there
    Thanks

    Quote Originally Posted by WhimsyGirl View Post
    um, i think something corny, but genuine, preferably using the word "magic." i like to make someone feel like they're in a different world, even wen they are doing something mundane, and to show them a good time basically. and the person needs to show/tell that they CARE about me. period. but idk if that's right to dump u over not being able to verbalize love. somethings are just felt

    Oh, no she didn't dump me over it. We were together for about a year and a half after that and are still good if distant friends. It ended because of outside circumstances and not because we made each other anything but incredibly happy. I dropped in on her unannounced about seven months ago and the spark definitely still there.

  3. #13
    Member Array WhimsyGirl's Avatar
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    ahh ok that sounds more like it lol. have u been closer since u saw her then?

  4. #14
    i love Array skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Johnny View Post
    Once upon a time I fell madly in love with an ENFP. One day she asked me just why I was so madly in love with her. She’s had A LOT of men fall in love with her, and she told me that none of them have been able explain to her why. So…I opened my mouth to sing her many praises, and explain why she alone was worthy of such a deep love… whatever it was I said I know it wasn’t exactly what she wanted to hear. The love was there. The reasons she deserved that love was there. The words weren’t there.

    While the relationship is long over, I still feel like I should have been able to explain my feeling the way she needed to hear them.

    The ENPF issues thread suggested that having the reasons for loving them explained is important to ENPFs ( I knew it was to her) and that I’m not the only one who couldn’t adequately explain it to my ENFP .

    So I’d to ask any ENFPs…what should I have said? Have you ever had someone explain why they love you that made you feel really special? How would you explain your reasons for loving whoever it is that you love?
    Quote Originally Posted by Johnny View Post
    Hmm. I'm not really looking at how to learn to wax poetic and woe an ENFP. I guess I need to articulate my point a little more clearly. Knowing how to entice and excite her was never a problem.

    My question to the ENFPs of the forum would be, have you had someone explain their reason (flowery iambic pentameter or otherwise) for loving you in a way that really touched you? If your current SO asked your reasons for loving them, how would you reply?
    Quote Originally Posted by WhimsyGirl View Post
    um, i think something corny, but genuine, preferably using the word "magic." i like to make someone feel like they're in a different world, even wen they are doing something mundane, and to show them a good time basically.


    well, to me, i think there are two totally different levels of this question.

    on one level, there's "why do you love me", as in what are the reasons i am more significant to you than anyone else?/ what draws you to me? and that is more a logical question in my mind, honestly. i have asked this of my SO before, because i was genuinely curious what about me made him tick. it's interesting to hear your qualities in another person's eyes. and important to understanding the relationship. it's sort of a question that gives you a grounding for psychologically understanding what's going on between you that's making the interactions work.

    and then there's the second, more esoteric level of the question, which is what i expect you were trying to answer. the other day my own SO looked me in the eyes and asked me "why do you love me" - and i could tell he didn't mean reasons, he meant The Reason - and i just stared at him like o___o for a minute before even being able to begin to articulate my answer. so don't worry... ENFPs run into this problem too!

    i second whimsygirl on the use of the word "magic" - what i want to hear is that there is something special between us, something that transcends time and place and the mundaneness of the world, some kind of mutual fire that lights up our souls and binds us to one another.

  5. #15
    Professional Trickster Array Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    Hey I like you! And so I'll be bold and call some lovely ENFPs to share their wisdom with you...
    @skylights @Orobas @Lady X @Esoteric Wench (I think EW is even online right now).
    Me catch up on thread now. More soon.
    ENFP with kick*ss Te | 7w8 so | ♀

  6. #16
    Senior Member Array sculpting's Avatar
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    [QUOTE=Johnny;1777932]Hmm. I'm not really looking at how to learn to wax poetic and woe an ENFP. I guess I need to articulate my point a little more clearly. Knowing how to entice and excite her was never a problem.

    My question to the ENFPs of the forum would be, have you had someone explain their reason (flowery iambic pentameter or otherwise) for loving you in a way that really touched you? If your current SO asked your reasons for loving them, how would you reply?[/QUOTE]

    My answer would be "because". It assumes so much goes unspoken.

    Sometimes my SO does tell me he loves me for certain things...

    Then this weird thing happens. I take what he said, then I compare it to my own self-understanding. If the two are not exact matches, then I get sort of angsty..."he doesnt REALLY understand me...if he did he would have said THIS instead..." This is actually my projection of my FiSi and a weird (rather dumb) assumption that he should be able to see it if we were really emotionally connected-which is rather ridiculous. So maybe you ran aground of something like tis with your enfp...

    Note the "because" answer avoids the entire issue as it leaves open the potential of lots of projection upon one another...

  7. #17
    Active Member Array Poki's Avatar
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    From my experience with ENFPs the dialect of that love language is wrong. Honestly that sounds more ENFJ. With ENFP its all about 2 things...catching them off guard and "truth". Its the little things that go along way and it is in regard to what you think about them. If you cant handle the truth you will fall flat on your butt.

    Because of there temperment they are looked down on alot...which is one reason why I think they have a love language of words and why "truth" is so important. The ones who arent in that position may have a different love language...its just most ENFPs I know come across as "dingy". And before people get there panties in a wad...I said "come across"...not that they actually are dingy.



    Also to the topic...that still doesnt sound right as it sounds like she is looking for specific things...maybe the things she does to try to be loved. I never was good with lists of any type. Hell, 90% of the women I meet I couldnt even tell you what there eye color was. The only ones I can are when there eyes are a feature that really stands out, but being Se I am not interested in detail...its the overall impression that catches my eye.
    Take what I say with a grain of salt, because that's all it is compared to the ocean of complexity when it comes to actions and real life.

  8. #18
    i love Array skylights's Avatar
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    afterthought: somehow it seems like love doesn't need a reason, it just happens. and that's part of the magic. somehow pinpointing anything seems to make it seem less extraordinary.

  9. #19
    Senior Member Array sculpting's Avatar
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    Johnny, after a bit more thought, another apsect came to mind. Earlier to your question regarding telling my SO why I loved him, I answered "because". I then described how that allowed a lot of projection, thus was a more simple answer than trying to list the reasons.

    However my asnwer was not quite precise enough. Fi is really complex and hard to talk about. I pulled this quote from Southern Cross from another thread. Her decsription was better than mine:

    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Kross View Post
    I also very much understand what you're getting at in the second scenario. Emotions are so complex and my sense of them is so difficult to define. My understanding of them is raw and intuitive; it's like an obscure native language that has to be translated into English but there is little equivalency in the grammar, sentence structure, imagery, or diction between the 2 languages. I have to think it through and plan it out before I can give a translation that is both coherent and genuinely reflects the original content. Even then, the best I can do is give a vague approximation to the original. To me, any fluency in describing emotion is impossible without diluting and simplifying the content to extraordinary lengths; and doing so is pointless because it ends up being overly reductive and too far from the truth. This makes me more inclined to saying nothing, rather than deal in a lesser truth. I'd hate to think that people would see that as emotional immaturity.
    To simply say "because" is actually an admission of defeat on my part. It is an admission that the other person is so complex, so multifacted, so complex, that, although I can see some aspects of them, I cant actually reduce that complexity of them into anything more than simply THEM. I cant capture it in words, as any attempt would only be partial and lacking.

    Perhaps consider that you will communicateemotionally with Fe-which is very tolerant in its communication of some amount of error or generality in expression. However think about the parallel question to your "why do you love me?" in thinker/Ti land: "What do you think of my ability to think?". I suspect if someone answered that question and did so without fully being able to capture the precision and complexity of your internal logical systems, you might feel slighted? (This is a suggestion, not statement-I am uncertain, but it seems possible....)

  10. #20
    Active Member Array Poki's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orobas View Post
    Johnny, after a bit more thought, another apsect came to mind. Earlier to your question regarding telling my SO why I loved him, I answered "because". I then described how that allowed a lot of projection, thus was a more simple answer than trying to list the reasons.

    However my asnwer was not quite precise enough. Fi is really complex and hard to talk about. I pulled this quote from Southern Cross from another thread. Her decsription was better than mine:



    To simply say "because" is actually an admission of defeat on my part. It is an admission that the other person is so complex, so multifacted, so complex, that, although I can see some aspects of them, I cant actually reduce that complexity of them into anything more than simply THEM. I cant capture it in words, as any attempt would only be partial and lacking.

    Perhaps consider that you will communicateemotionally with Fe-which is very tolerant in its communication of some amount of error or generality in expression. However think about the parallel question to your "why do you love me?" in thinker/Ti land: "What do you think of my ability to think?". I suspect if someone answered that question and did so without fully being able to capture the precision and complexity of your internal logical systems, you might feel slighted? (This is a suggestion, not statement-I am uncertain, but it seems possible....)
    Inferior Si FTW
    Take what I say with a grain of salt, because that's all it is compared to the ocean of complexity when it comes to actions and real life.

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