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  1. #61
    Glycerine
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    I've only done this with a few people...the person has to do a lot for this to happen.

  2. #62
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    UGH this thread is terrible.
    I just read this and I feel really guilty now.
    Thinking about all the people I've done this too.
    Blah.

    You know what the worst thing is?? After talking to someone... I KNOW that it's going to happen but I can't freakin' stop it. And I don't want to do it. And then, *Slam* I disappear.

  3. #63
    unscannable Tigerlily's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tenINsFJ View Post
    UGH this thread is terrible.
    I just read this and I feel really guilty now.
    Thinking about all the people I've done this too.
    Blah.

    You know what the worst thing is?? After talking to someone... I KNOW that it's going to happen but I can't freakin' stop it. And I don't want to do it. And then, *Slam* I disappear.
    don't beat yourself up over it. the way i see it is that most people are usually so involved with themselves that they don't notice anyway and the one(s) that matter will know how to behave around you and will avoid the door in the face thing.
    Time is a delicate mistress.

  4. #64
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    Quote Originally Posted by tenINsFJ View Post
    UGH this thread is terrible.
    I just read this and I feel really guilty now.
    Thinking about all the people I've done this too.
    Blah.

    You know what the worst thing is?? After talking to someone... I KNOW that it's going to happen but I can't freakin' stop it. And I don't want to do it. And then, *Slam* I disappear.

    Ha! I don't think I ever feel guilty about it. Of course, I always save mine for people who really deserve it.

  5. #65
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tenINsFJ View Post
    UGH this thread is terrible.
    I just read this and I feel really guilty now.
    Thinking about all the people I've done this too.
    Blah.

    You know what the worst thing is?? After talking to someone... I KNOW that it's going to happen but I can't freakin' stop it. And I don't want to do it. And then, *Slam* I disappear.
    You don't need to feel bad about choosing who you spend your time with. They probably understand on some level that it's just not a good match. And if they don't, it's really not your problem.

    Quote Originally Posted by me, earlier in the thread
    I've done this a number of times before. Typically it's not "I AM SO MAD AT YOU I JUST NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!" it's just "I have to be very protective of my own limited energy and this relationship is draining me instead of lighting me up."
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

  6. #66
    Senior Member tibby's Avatar
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    I haven't done this. But I'd guess if it was something that violated my trust completely (it ain't easy, there aren't many things I wouldn't forgive). No one has never... oh wait, has. But slamming the door would be kind of overly dramatic in my opinion and besides we're related.

  7. #67
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    I don't think it necessarily has to be dramatic. Usually, you just let things fade out and don't really make a big deal of it. There's not always a literal doorslam. The times I have done this I've either made at least one effort to see eye to eye with the other person and failed, or conflict has made it difficult to relax with them. When the relationship no longer nurtures either of us but is toxic instead, it's time to move on. It's not really about animosity or drama; just minding boundaries, drawing a protective circle around myself and only allowing in those with whom I can be myself.
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

  8. #68
    Senior Member tibby's Avatar
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    I don't think it necessarily has to be dramatic. Usually, you just let things fade out and don't really make a big deal of it. There's not always a literal doorslam. The times I have done this I've either made at least one effort to see eye to eye with the other person and failed, or conflict has made it difficult to relax with them. When the relationship no longer nurtures either of us but is toxic instead, it's time to move on. It's not really about animosity or drama; just minding boundaries, drawing a protective circle around myself and only allowing in those with whom I can be myself.
    Oh now I see Perhaps for that reason I wouldn't call it a "door-slam". Usually those people I no longer consider close I still somewhat stay in contact with but it's evident the door has been closed. But like I said, it TAKES a lot and it's more like a mentally closing myself from them than slamming the door and making myself unavailable for them.

  9. #69

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    INFJs in general are pretty big on their personal "circle of safe." I think it tends to get worse with age too.

    I also think Ni/Ne doms tend to (annoyingly) spot what we're up to pretty quickly, whether it's the door-slam or the self-imposed isolation.
    "The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." - Rainer Maria Rilke

  10. #70
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iwakar View Post
    INFJs in general are pretty big on their personal "circle of safe." I think it tends to get worse with age too.

    I also think Ni/Ne doms tend to (annoyingly) spot what we're up to pretty quickly, whether it's the door-slam or the self-imposed isolation.
    It just encourages me.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

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