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  1. #31
    Senior Member Kyrielle's Avatar
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    I've done it to a few people before. Two were past relationships, because it was just too awkward to talk to them after the relationship broke off. I have a hard time with being able to mentally put what happened behind me and just talk to them as people. The other two were because they did something rude and disrespectful to me. One of them was a childhood friend who started lashing out at me last year or so for not seeing my grandmother while she was sick and dying. He accused me of being things that I'm not and didn't seem to make up his mind about whether he should forgive my actions or continue to persecute me. The reason I didn't see her was because she was the other person I shut out. ^^ Not that she'd done anything terrible to me, I just got so tired of her guilt tripping me every single time I talked to her. Not at all a nice thing to do, but I loved my grandmother and I didn't want to end up saying terribly cold and hurtful things to her when I finally broke.

  2. #32
    Senior Member wedekit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Randomnity View Post
    Interesting that this topic has come up, since one of my best friends, an INFJ, is currently doing this to me and not talking to me at all. BAH. I know it's temporary but it still hurts. I've never had anyone else do this to me.

    Any tips on helping him get over it, then? Or is it just a time/space thing, like I'm thinking?
    Time and Space if they are like me. Another thing about me is that after some time of no interaction, things just become awkward and so I decide not to do anything about it and continue to avoid them. Normally when I do work things out it works like this:

    1) We both admit what we did wrong verbally.
    2) We take the other person's point of view into consideration (think about what you say very carefully)
    3) We accept apologies.
    4) Never talk about it again.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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  3. #33
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    I've done this a number of times before. Typically it's not "I AM SO MAD AT YOU I JUST NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!" it's just "I have to be very protective of my own limited energy and this relationship is draining me instead of lighting me up."
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

  4. #34
    Procrastinating
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    I've done it with a few people though, mostly, it hasn't had much to do with how they treated me. I've only slammed the door on three people who violated me personally and it still remains to be seen whether any circumstances could arise where I open it again. I hope not but I can be a real sap when someone's in need.

    I have, however, when I've observed people generally that I'm not fairly close to. If I view them as not having much of a conscience, for instance, the door is usually slammed and hard. I don't have the time nor energy to deal with people I have to watch carefully.

  5. #35
    Senior Member sriv's Avatar
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    My ENFP friend goes INFP on me sometimes so I know the situation. We go into these exact steps that wedekit wrote about:

    1) We both admit what we did wrong verbally.
    2) We take the other person's point of view into consideration (think about what you say very carefully)
    3) We accept apologies.
    4) Never talk about it again.
    Although he would like never to talk about it again, I treat it very much as a learning experience. I talk about it (not TO him) and remember it all the time.
    Reyson: ...If you were to change your ways, I'm sure we could rebuild the relationship the two of us once shared.

    Naesala: Oh no, that I could never do. You see, humans are essential to the fulfillment of my ambitions.

    Reyson: You've changed, Naesala. If this is the path you've chosen, I've nothing left to say.

  6. #36
    Senior Member Griffi97's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Typically it's not "I AM SO MAD AT YOU I JUST NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!" it's just "I have to be very protective of my own limited energy and this relationship is draining me instead of lighting me up."
    Exactly.

  7. #37
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    Thanks for the replies everyone. Some useful insight there....My friend's talking to me again (yay!) even though he still doesn't want to discuss the matter for now. That was the longest 4 days ever though!

  8. #38
    perdu fleur par bologne Martoon's Avatar
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    INTP here, and it's not something I've done personally. But I have to say, it's a perfectly reasonable thing to do, and in most cases, probably the most right thing to do. I almost get the vibe that some of the people posting here feel like it's wrong somehow, and wish they didn't do it. If someone has done something crappy to you, especially if you've given them multiple chances and they've abused your generosity, you should cut them off. Not just for your own protection (though that's reason enough), but how else are they going to learn?

    Heck, there are probably times I should give some people some negative reinforcement, but I don't. Not because I'm such a generous guy, but because I find apathy easier.
    I'm not a procrastinator. I'm a long-term planner.

  9. #39
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    This is one of my earliest memories. Once, when I was younger, I found out that my best friend was moving away. I begged them not to, and when they said they couldn't help it, I angrily told them to leave and never come back because they weren't my friend anymore (thinking that if they really cared, they wouldn't leave, and thus they must have been tricking me this whole time by pretending to be my friend). The next day when they came over to say goodbye, I slammed the door in their face after saying in an mildly bored voice, "Look, I already told you, I don't like you anymore. Bye."

    And then I just dusted my hands off, and walked back over to my computer and started working again as if nothing had happened. The only thought I had to myself was, "I guess she didn't understand what 'I don't like you anymore' means. Oh, well. She probably gets it now."

    Note that this was before the Internet was widespread, so the connotation of "moving away" was rather different than now.

  10. #40
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    Geez...

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