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  1. #21
    Senior Member Griffi97's Avatar
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    Yes, I have done this. I didn't talk to my mom for over a year after I told her something in confidence and she betrayed it to my sister. I also didn't talk to my dad for a similar length of time after I called him out for being hypocritical about something. This made him very angry and I was perfectly content not to talk to him until he could live with what I said.

    I have been on the verge of doing this to my sister. Our mother died a few months ago and since then my sis has verbally assaulted me numerous times. There is so much anger inside her that it terrifies me. And she doesn't see any redeeming value in me as a human being. Not a mirror I really want to look into. It seems to me that as much as she despises me, why would she even want me in her life? The only thing that keeps me in the relationship is that she's my sister. But ending the relationship is something I think about every time she slams me.

  2. #22
    Wild Card Atomic Fiend's Avatar
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    Yeah I've done it, and posted about it in that thread on INTPc, when I thought I was INTP.

    EDIT:This thread reminded me of a people deletion thread from INTPc. It was all that kept popping up while I read.

  3. #23
    Free-Rangin' Librarian Jae Rae's Avatar
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    My daughter did a door slam on a girl who disrespected and blamed her many times, ruined her bat mitzvah party, wrote poetry against her on MySpace and passed an album about her around school. For some reason her mother doesn't understand why my daughter ignores this girl.

    I've had two door slams against me, one in high school, the other about three years ago. The one in high school was semi-permanent, although we contacted each other as adults and had a few exchanges.

    The more recent one lasted for about six months, but according to the other person, it was meant to be a breather from an intense situation, not a door slam. The first person could have been an INFJ, the second definitely was not.

    Jae Rae
    Proud Female Rider in Maverick's Bike Club.

  4. #24
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    Oh yes. I've done this. It's what happens after the apologies and anger and understanding and make-up and all that have worn out. It's simply the end. It's not intended to hurt the other person, or to make him/her realize what he's done or force him to change his actions. It's just my decision that he doesn't belong in my life. It's the realization that I really don't want anything more to do with that person, and that I do have a choice in the matter.

    I did this when I left high school. I hated high school, and had very little positive feeling left toward my "friends" there. When I left, I closed the door on them. I didn't hate them; I just didn't want them in my life any more. During college, when I'd return home, some of them were still around and feeling all reminiscent and friendly toward me. I wasn't unfriendly toward them--I visited when they asked and was politely social--but our friendship was over as far as I was concerned. I hope they're happy and all that, but I haven't wanted them in my life since.

    I don't see it as a bad thing, really. It's more like a neat and tidy habit. If there are people who are only bringing bad into your life--and whom you cannot help or assist without harming yourself--why keep them around? I don't leave food wrappers on my kitchen counter, so why should I keep used-up relationships around? I prefer to surround myself with those people I truly love and enjoy, and toss out the rubbish.

  5. #25
    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
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    i've pretty much never done this. the only time i've "doorslammed" someone was when they basically stole $200 from me and refused to admit it. but after a couple months, i couldn't keep it up. i've talked to the person many times since then -- and while i'm extremely uncomfortable, i can't make myself completely shut him out.

    i always know WHY the person does what they do, which makes it almost impossible for me to completely write them off.

    i'm the type of person who could forgive a murderer...

    and it sucks.

  6. #26
    Senior Member Eileen's Avatar
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    I might eventually find that I'm no longer angry and even forgive the person, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I'll want to see them ever again.
    INFJ

    "I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. You can never be what you ought to be until I am what I ought to be. This is the interrelated structure of reality." -Martin Luther King, Jr.

  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eileen View Post
    I might eventually find that I'm no longer angry and even forgive the person, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I'll want to see them ever again.
    Precisely. It has little to do with forgiveness or anger or holding a grudge.

  8. #28
    Free-Rangin' Librarian Jae Rae's Avatar
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    Dealing with them is different than understanding why they've hurt you. My daughter understands and has some compassion for her former friend, she just doesn't want to expend any more energy on her.

    A few years ago I received a harsh email from someone who said I didn't understand she didn't want an email correspondence with me. She asked me not to respond to that email, so I didn't. A couple of weeks later she sent a written apology. To this day I haven't made any attempt to contact her. It would take too much energy for me to figure out how much and what kind of contact she can handle to make it worth resuming that friendship. Slam!

    Jae Rae
    Proud Female Rider in Maverick's Bike Club.

  9. #29
    Senior Member Motor Jax's Avatar
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    oh, so true

    like i forgave my X2, but then seeing her again after almost 2 years had me shaking in my boots, not in anger but major distrust and... ok, well, rage also...

    ...and i could hardly think...

  10. #30
    Earth Exalted Thursday's Avatar
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    Absolutely Oprah
    I do this with everyone

    Except, its more of an interview process
    I watch their every move, word
    what people say vs. the vibe that i get from them

    if i like them, i open the door
    and yet i am frighteningly friendly about it
    making everyone feel as if they are my partner
    hmm
    I N V I C T U S

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